Had a bad ecstacy trip, 4 months ago and still cant get over it.

[sexypizza]

I'm surprised when I read about other users experiences here with mdma. no one seems to ever have a bad time with it. some of you claim its even impossible. this doesn't seem to be the case for me. I've had a hellish trip about 4 months ago while overseas that left me very anxious. I was with a friend and some other people that I never met before. we went to their apartment where we all poped some Exy pills, along with coke and something else?

Its a bad idea to mix drugs, and I usually don't. I also don't like taking pills, I prefer the pure stuff more, but I was all like Yolo at the time. so I did it.

anyways a while later I feel the high coming up. I notice the others behaviour change a bit. one of the guys was getting the rolling face. another guy was talking just a little too loudly and a little too much. Soon I start going through the same symptoms myself. no one seems to care. but I am massively creeped out by this. the thought that I was being weird like that and couldn't control it made me very uncomfortable.

that and I also felt like I couldn't connect well or get along well with the rest of the group. We liked different sort of music, they were playing a card game that I didn't know, one guy was being a bit of douche to me ect ect.. minor things now that I look back on it but while on the drug it must have seemed like a big deal.

it didn't take long for me to go down into a spiral of negative anxious thoughts and start panicking. "everyone hates me", "I'm creeping people out", "I'm going insane" ect ect.. I have honestly never felt so socially alienated like that in my whole life. Its definitely one of the most horrible experiences I've ever went through. I had trouble looking at people in the eye. and it got so bad that I started having suicidal thoughts and some delusions. The others were all enjoying their time though. and for the most part were completely oblivious to what I was going through.

for the next few months, and even now I still get some the anxiety I experienced that day. Trouble with eye contact, generalized anxiety, social anxiety. De-realization. I've never had any of these issues before. It took me a while but after changing my lifestyle and diet, I think I was 90% over it. That is until I took some pure Mdma last night.

I wanted to experience the bliss that I felt with my earlier trips before the bad one, and I thought that if I did it would get me over that last bit of anxiousness that I had. So I went to club by my self and took some (that's how I usually do it) I felt more comfortable that way, because if I was with friend Id probably worry too much about creeping them out or something.

This time the trip wasn't as bad as the last time. but it was still strange. I kept switching back and fourth between anxiety and god mode confidence. one moment I would worry about being weird, or that people will be able to tell that im tripping and Id get in trouble or something. and the next Id be dancing with some girl not giving a fuck lol. Ive weirded some people out, pissed of some people because i kept bumping into them or something. and had some girls really attracted to me. It was a weird night. Ive also had some delusions. hearing people talk to me that weren't there. I eventually became more anxious than confident and decided to go home.

Overall the anxiety that I went through last night was still nothing compared to what I went through 4 months ago. its alot more bearable. so there is some improvement I think. but How do i make sure the next time i roll wont be a bad trip. I don't want to go through this downward spiral again. I know its all mental and that if i think positively and I expect to have a good time than I will, but i cant get my self to do so. I keep remembering the anxious thoughts that i had and they keep bringing me down.

 

[Folley]

I promise


You will get better.

YOU WILL GET BETTER.

I cannot stress this enough.

If I can recover after what I did with MDMA, anyone can.

YOU SHOULD NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO FIGHT THIS THOUGHTS YOU WILL JUST LOSE THE BATTLE. INSTEAD CHANGE THE WAY YOU REACT TO IT. CHANGE THE WAY HOW YOU REACT TO YOUR SYMPTOMS. THIS FEELINGS/THOUGHT WONT BE AROUND WHEN YOU HEAL. I PROMISE YOU.

Just gotta be patient man.

To my fellow sufferers kerp pushing through, and like what everyone has said, this will all pass. Kerp fightin it.

Unfortunately, it seems the "ecstasy" you took was not MDMA.. in that case recovery can be VERY tricky to gauge. However, all the above sentiments would agree that everything sorts itself out - in due time. I know 4 months can seem like eternity, but in the scope of human life it really is extremely insignificant. Give it time friend, all things get better with time.

You may also want to take a look through the Recovery Support section of the site, as well as these threads:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/669130-MEGA-MDMA-Comedown-support-thread-Ch-1-New-Beginnings
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/691262-MDMA-Abuse-Recovery-(Success-Stories)

 

[sexypizza]

Im not worried about recovery so much. I feel fine right now with the exception of some minor anxiety. probably just shock from the bad trip that I had.

Im more worried about the next time I decide to roll. Ill remember the bad trip that i had and my mind will drag me down a spiral of fear and anxiety. If i think positively and stop worrying i know i can have a good trip. but i keep worrying about things, "im gonna be a weird person" "they know im tripping" "they think im a psycho" ect ect. especially on the comeup and it just fucks everything up for me.

Im thinking the next time ill take some xanax before i roll to curb the anxiety. or perhaps take half the capsule and then the other half later on. Or maybe try out some CBT therapy lol

 

[MrSpeedyG]

I will also add my 2c, but you will get better I promise, I did, thousands of others did and you will too Give it time, time heals all as it is temporary damage.

 

[JWills20]

Im not worried about recovery so much. I feel fine right now with the exception of some minor anxiety. probably just shock from the bad trip that I had.

Im more worried about the next time I decide to roll. Ill remember the bad trip that i had and my mind will drag me down a spiral of fear and anxiety. If i think positively and stop worrying i know i can have a good trip. but i keep worrying about things, "im gonna be a weird person" "they know im tripping" "they think im a psycho" ect ect. especially on the comeup and it just fucks everything up for me.

Im thinking the next time ill take some xanax before i roll to curb the anxiety. or perhaps take half the capsule and then the other half later on. Or maybe try out some CBT therapy lol

I experience what you have with weed. I've been unable to smoke weed without anxiety for a long time, so I've quit. If you buy a test kit, you can at least ease one nerve by knowing what you are taking. A big part of MDMA is that it dissolves the thoughts you are having and worrying about. Perhaps part of the problem is trying to fight against the effects. I think for some people who are very conscious of themselves, they can struggle to let go of their barriers and fight against the MDMA which can cause a bad trip.

A few drinks/xanax is not a bad idea, as long the dosage is very low. Often before rolling I like to have a few alcoholic beverages to feel relaxed before dropping.

 

[augustaB]

I experience what you have with weed. I've been unable to smoke weed without anxiety for a long time, so I've quit.

Me too. Personally I have a feeling that you didn't take mdma.
I had a terrible LSD experience (was it LSD?) about 40 years ago. I did eventually recover, although it took several years before I was functioning fairly normally.
Recovery is possible, just takes time...

 

[JWills20]

Me too. Personally I have a feeling that you didn't take mdma.
I had a terrible LSD experience (was it LSD?) about 40 years ago. I did eventually recover, although it took several years before I was functioning fairly normally.
Recovery is possible, just takes time...

My experiences with weed are kind of ambigious. I can't tell whether the anxiety is fuelled from the drug itself, or my own psychological trigger of the bad experiences. I speak to lots of people who do experience anxiety from weed, but also many who don't understand how you can be anxious while stoned. Either way, I had to quit smoking weed because it wasn't even recreational.

Hopefully one day I can smoke it and enjoy it.

 

[augustaB]

My experiences with weed are kind of ambigious. I can't tell whether the anxiety is fuelled from the drug itself, or my own psychological trigger of the bad experiences. I speak to lots of people who do experience anxiety from weed, but also many who don't understand how you can be anxious while stoned. Either way, I had to quit smoking weed because it wasn't even recreational.

Hopefully one day I can smoke it and enjoy it.

I discovered that I can enjoy weed on the comedown from mdma. But otherwise I clam up get anxious, nauseous and paranoid. I have to sit outside and wait for it to go over. Get flashbacks from previous bad experiences.

 

[Alaska457]

The mistake you made is deciding to roll again. I had a comedown like you and as much as I want to roll again, I'm probably never going to. If you had a bad experience with it you're most likely always going to have that worry when you take it that it'll be like that and your trip will have the chance to turn out bad. It's mostly all placebo effect, like how you said one negative thought led to another and then you were just completely screwed. That's what happened with me, I had a bad comedown that lasted for 4 months (The first 3-4 days were hell, I couldn't sleep, sit still, or calm down, and everything I did, I felt like I needed to do the exact opposite, and vice versa), until I got on an anti-depressent and it literally stopped the moment the first Zoloft kicked in. That helped but MDMA's made me hypersensitive to every recreational drug, even alcohol. So every time I take anything I run the risk of having a panic attack that will last for days. If you're still going to take it, you should do it with friends and in a place you feel comfortable at. I think a lot of it has to do with the environment you're in, if you're in a shitty setting you'll be more prone to have a bad trip.

 

[MagickalKat777]

^ If the first Zoloft you took stopped it, it was very much 100% inside your head. Zoloft doesn't work for 2 weeks at a minimum as far as increasing serotonin levels in the brain.

I read your posts and what you said happened to you from 100mg of MDMA just isn't probable. Chances are that you got something else as even 100mg of MDA won't cause a crash like you describe.

Also, your post here is entirely different and paints a completely different story as to what happened to you. http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...lf-E-pills?p=11566308&viewfull=1#post11566308

A select quote:

The research is what made me get bad panic attacks, anxiety, and basically made everything else 100x worse. I would of never even noticed a difference except I think I got serotonin syndrome from my last dose (re-dosed 4 times in 4 days) and I woke up completely out of it.

Stop the fear-mongering. You overdid it, you paid the price of overdoing it, but if you are going to caution others at least make sure to tell them that you went on a crazy bender instead of just saying you took "100mg" like you have in other posts or leaving it out altogether.

These type of posts just serve to scare the crap out of people who are already vulnerable and it is totally uncalled for. If you want to share, you need to share the whole story.

 

[Alaska457]

^ If the first Zoloft you took stopped it, it was very much 100% inside your head. Zoloft doesn't work for 2 weeks at a minimum as far as increasing serotonin levels in the brain.

I read your posts and what you said happened to you from 100mg of MDMA just isn't probable. Chances are that you got something else as even 100mg of MDA won't cause a crash like you describe.

Also, your post here is entirely different and paints a completely different story as to what happened to you. http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...lf-E-pills?p=11566308&viewfull=1#post11566308

A select quote:



Stop the fear-mongering. You overdid it, you paid the price of overdoing it, but if you are going to caution others at least make sure to tell them that you went on a crazy bender instead of just saying you took "100mg" like you have in other posts or leaving it out altogether.

These type of posts just serve to scare the crap out of people who are already vulnerable and it is totally uncalled for. If you want to share, you need to share the whole story.

No I didn't, I took over 800MG of MDMA in 4 days. You're the one not getting the whole story, I've never in any of my posts said I took only 100mg. Where did you hear your information about zoloft from? Because my Dr. said it CAN take up to two weeks to notice a difference, and my therapist said the same thing, and they also said some people feel a difference right away. From the time my comedown started, to the time it ended, was almost exactly 4 months, and like I said before, for long term comedowns like that it's almost always placebo effect and there's nothing really wrong with you. When I took the zoloft it went away instantly the time I took it, I'm not trying to scare anybody, if you read my post right I'm saying that a 4 month come down is most likely just psycological, and people who get these comedowns are going to be more likely to have a bad experience when they re-take MDMA because you'll go back to that experience, it's a proven fact that this happens not only with drugs, but everything. Unless you wanted to do exposure therapy which would mean taking MDMA over and over and over again until you're not worried about it, but unfortunately you can't do that.


Edit: Where the hell did you get your info from? I re-read your post and unless you're mistaking me for someone else, nothing you said is true. I've told the same story in every post I've made.

 

[MagickalKat777]

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/657451-My-experience-with-MDMA-Ecstasy-!?p=12007015#post12007015

I did research and stuff, and I took a 100mg dose, but everything else was a load of shit.

Its kind of hard to misinterpret that.

Also you can't be sure that you took 800mg because you took green bulls. Just because someone says that pressed pills have 100mg in them doesn't mean that they do. Its a rough estimate and it doesn't speak anything about caffeine or other additives that don't show up without a lab test. You also don't ever mention your concurrent usage of pain killers around that period as well.

As for SSRIs, nobody is 100% positive on what causes them to take so long. There are all sorts of theories but considering that SSRIs are no better than placebo themselves, all of it all around could just be one big placebo effect. Either way, the first week is an adaptation period for SERT and is actually full of MORE side effects, not less.

 

[Alaska457]

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/657451-My-experience-with-MDMA-Ecstasy-!?p=12007015#post12007015



Its kind of hard to misinterpret that.

Also you can't be sure that you took 800mg because you took green bulls. Just because someone says that pressed pills have 100mg in them doesn't mean that they do. Its a rough estimate and it doesn't speak anything about caffeine or other additives that don't show up without a lab test. You also don't ever mention your concurrent usage of pain killers around that period as well.

As for SSRIs, nobody is 100% positive on what causes them to take so long. There are all sorts of theories but considering that SSRIs are no better than placebo themselves, all of it all around could just be one big placebo effect. Either way, the first week is an adaptation period for SERT and is actually full of MORE side effects, not less.

That's weird, I forgot to add in that I re-dosed 4-5 times over a 4 day period, and I was just talking about the initial first dose I took. I know they were good pills, they were 80% MDMA but really that's the purest anybody is going to get unless its pure MDMA. I wasn't depressed it was just anxiety so ssrii's completely blocked me from having the panic attacks. I'm not trying to mislead anybody, im going to edit that when I get to a computer, it must if just been because I was on my phone and typing fast. I doubt the pain killers I took has anything to do with it, I got the vicodins the same time I got the MDMA, I think I only took the equivalent to one 30mg oxycodone over the 4 days, I didn't even feel them because of the MDMA and all it did was scare me more because I thought it was something else that could of caused damage. Ive kind if forgot about those after reading all the other bad comdowns people have had from mdma, some even a year. Either way I'm just saying that anyone who's having that long of a comedown it's mostly just psychological and placebo effect, and basically it's PTSD, so anytime you take MDMA again you'll have the chance to have a bad comedown. I'm only talking about the people who have long comedowns, like months, not the people who have normal length comedowns. Like I said its only a chance, you might have a good roll and be fine.


I'm hypersensitive to all drug comedowns now, it sucks. I mean I'm still going to take them, it's just I have the risk to go into a panic attack for days. It's actually funny how much I am, 3 weeks ago I was coming off a 3-4 day panic attack from ativan I took, and I took this small edible hash gummy and from then to now I've been having panic attacks all day everyday, of course right now there not close to as bad as they were. I know this isn't normal, and its because of where I live (really fucked up daylight schedule, and other problems like my leg pain and isolation), but Ive been like that ever since my MDMA roll. I don't know anyone else who's had a bad comedown like this and not be able to do other drugs safely.


Bottom line is that if you have a long ass comedown from MDMA, its probably not for you. Everyone brains different and sensitive to different things. The longer I get away from my comedown, the more it seems fine to roll again, but right now I'm still having panic attacks that I've never gotten in my life, and I already had the anxiety and SA before I took them, and that's probably why I had a bad comedown in the first place. So I won't be taking it anytime soon. If you have a long ass comedown you're best bet is just to wait a year or two if you know you want to try it again, and make sure you're in a good environment. Ill probably try it again sometime through college, but ill have to be a ways out of my first experience first.