Guilt, Theft, Over the Counter Drugs

[Disocio0]

Here I go again; another few bottle of pills another set of excuses why its fine. It's just a big box store. Who am I harming. This is the last time. I just need to get high.

I feel sick to my stomach and I don't know if it's all the Loperamide pills I swallowed, the guilt or the fear. One day I'll get caught an I'll know I could've prevented it all. Im sick but still functioning. To others I look normal. Some might say handsome and steezy. But I have a problem with popping over the counter pills. It started with DXM 4 years ago. I've stole hundreds of bottles, taken hundreds of trips and have stopped using it a year ago. But I didn't stop there. Then it was diphenhydramine. All ways stealing bottles to get high. That phase ended a year ago. I thought I was done stealing and popping pills but it snuck up on me and I back at it.. My new favorite is Loperamide. I've stole a bottle of 200 pills every other day for about a month. It's not just the pills that get me high. I love stealing it's a high different from the rest it's a rush. . Im good at it I never get caught but I feel that my luck could run out. I write this post is in an effort to solidify my decision to quit popping and stealing OTC drugs again. Im done. This isn't fun anymore it's just habit. Lord help me stop.

 

[JessFR]

I've never actually heard of anyone directly trying to get high off loperamide. I wasn't even sure it was possible. Sure is starting to sound like it might be, at least for people with no prior opioid use.

Unfortunately nobody can make you stop you but you. I've felt all the shit you describe in my heroin addiction. You know getting caught is virtually inevitable and that this can't go on forever. Then right after that you proceed to doing exactly the same thing you do every day. I think that in the long run most of us won't stop just because we know what's going to happen. Addicts don't do very well with anything that involves a time beyond right now. This is right now, everything else is in the future. No matter how bad we know our actions will burn us in the future doesn't seem to matter. That's not right now. I'll figure out how to solve tomorrows problems tomorrow, today's problem's aren't tomorrow's. Today's problem is more or less the same one it's been neatly every day for a long time now. What do I gotta do or say to get my drugs. I sure as fuck am not dealing with my drug problem today, not after all that depressing thinking about the future. And anything that's in between me and getting high is of only secondary importance at best. Sound a bit like you?

I wish it weren't so, but I think that the significant majority of us will do anything until it's too late. Until we feel the consequences we know are coming one day. Most of us still wont stop after that either. When we reach that point the future wont be the future anymore, it'll be today. And consequences are painful, stressful, and depressing. We need more drugs to cope with that. So we keep doing it after that. Most of us will suffer consequences far worse than the ones we used to think about. Some won't still until they're dead. Nobody can tell you what it will take for you to finally stop. Generally we wont know ourselves until after we finally reach that point.

You know the score, you know the consequences you face and undoubtedly one day will experience if you don't do something. So you have a choice. Will you try and stop, go and get help? I truly hope you do. Your future if you don't doesn't look good.

Right now, you still have the chance to stop, get help, and never have to experience the unimaginable pain of withdrawal from a big opioid habit or the life of chemical enslavement to methadone or subuxone. I've experienced both. Unfortunately I didn't do anything when I was in your position. And I suffered consequences worse than any I ever imagined. As most will.

I know it's hard to stop. But you should. Don't wait, don't deal with tomorrow tomorrow. Tell the people close to you that you have a problem and what it is. That you need help and need their encouragement to do something about it now. I don't know where you live but in most of the developed world there are people you can call and places you can go, they're available right now and their only interest is in making it as easy as possible for you to get help. All you gotta do is find the number and call, find the address and go. When I decided I needed to get help and couldn't handle going cold turkey I found my local number and called them. I told them I was an intravenous heroin addict and wanted help stopping. And they put me through with all the services and options available to me.

Good luck. If you ever want someone to talk to, about anything. I and many others would be more than happy to help. Feel free to pm me or add me on Skype if you like. Again, I wish you luck. Take care man.

 

[herbavore]

I hope that you can have the self-compassion you need to understand that you are acting out of a deep pain. Mother yourself and befriend yourself and ask yourself, compassionately not judgmentally, what makes you need this thing that you do not want?

 

[rainyday107]

I hope that you can make some positive changes soon. I was wondering if your theft is exclusively just the pills or is it other non-drug merchandise?

 

[Tinker55]

Loperamide is dangerous. There's info, including medical studies, all over the net about the consequences of high dose, chronic use. You do NOT want to be one of the statistics.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but it sounds like you are addicted to the method of obtaining the drugs-the act of stealing etc. Can you get some support, like therapy or even CBT training to recognize and break the cycle? You don't sound like a bad person but you clearly have some deep, painful issues that you need to address sooner rather than later.

 

[Raysu]

OP I was you not that long ago. Same thing. Same reasons. Same drug. Lope was the worst idea. At first it was awesome and bought me time between other drugs until I was faced with repeating my offense or quitting and then lope was evil with wd like none other. And when I tried to use again it freaked me out with the side effects. I went straight into relapsing on prescription meds. I'm clean albeit in wd today but it's not as bad as the wd on lope. Turn it around. Like you said it will catch up to you. Don't wait for that day or the day the lope turns ugly. It's never too late if you've got breath in you! Good luck and PM me if you like.