Since late February, I've been hooked on painkillers...again. This is probably my fourth major session of addiction. It's late may now so (and i'm just realizing this) I've been using for 3 straight months, no days off. My tolerance has only just started to really increase. I'm still getting BLASTED off of 30mg oxycodone though.
Today is my second attempt at tapering down, day one at that. I'm already beginning to feel down. It's psychological of course; I'm definitely not physically withdrawn. I hate the idea of being without my sweet, warm oxy habit. It sustains me, helps me work lonnng, hard hours at my shitty, low-paying job that I only work so hard at to maintain my addiction. Dosing helps me sleep too. Isn't that strange? A drug that gives you energy yet helps you fall asleep.
Anyway, I have forty milligrams left. So it's not so bad. There are so many peculiarities about an oxy habit. Ideally, you quit by tapering but usually the only reason you would quit are because of 1) money or 2) incarceration/trouble and by then tapering is not an option. I have some money though. I should consider myself lucky. I should give my 40mg to someone who cares enough to help me taper because I probably won't have the strength to stretch it out like it should be done. I've tried to taper before, unsuccessfully.
I already know how the next few days will go.
Today is my second attempt at tapering down, day one at that. I'm already beginning to feel down. It's psychological of course; I'm definitely not physically withdrawn. I hate the idea of being without my sweet, warm oxy habit. It sustains me, helps me work lonnng, hard hours at my shitty, low-paying job that I only work so hard at to maintain my addiction. Dosing helps me sleep too. Isn't that strange? A drug that gives you energy yet helps you fall asleep.
Anyway, I have forty milligrams left. So it's not so bad. There are so many peculiarities about an oxy habit. Ideally, you quit by tapering but usually the only reason you would quit are because of 1) money or 2) incarceration/trouble and by then tapering is not an option. I have some money though. I should consider myself lucky. I should give my 40mg to someone who cares enough to help me taper because I probably won't have the strength to stretch it out like it should be done. I've tried to taper before, unsuccessfully.
I already know how the next few days will go.
