DreamSailor
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2020
- Messages
- 1
Hi, howdy, hello!!!
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas, or holiday, or just a day off work, however it applies, hope you enjoyed it!
This is a bit of a new experience for me, I used to read these forums a little here and there, seemingly long ago when the searches would actually appear on Google. I noticed the forums/threads really haven't appeared on Google, for me anyways, for a long time.
I'm a little shy at the moment as far as talking about the drugs I am researching, it might be primarily one of the drugs which tends to draw the most negative attention--I know, we're not supposed to be "like that" around here; judgemental, or whatever. Unfortunately I tend to feel pretty judgemental of the group I can tend to be a part of, as hypocritical as that may sound. I guess I don't always feel that the life of certain using is for me, yet I am a part of the life. ... And I totally just clicked post on accident, while mid-typing. Now I've got to edit and be quick I suppose. --What I was talking about though, is that maybe I did stumble along the way, got caught up using something that I am now feeling the weight of my surrounding peers wanting me far away from. I understand them, it's for a lot of good reasons, yet they just aren't me. I do choose to do what I do, and if life was easier not doing what I do, then I guess I wouldn't be doing it. But I am doing it, so for now I guess I'm in, I'm a part of possibly what I don't ultimately want to be a part of, mainly for those judgmental reasons of seeking meer acceptance. I want to be accepted, I have a lot of possibly wasted potential, but sometimes it's just easier accepting what I am on the inside, and hiding it among others on the outside--I suppose here is the place where I am choosing not to hide that part of me.
Anyways, I guess I'll cut it short, if I can even say that at this point. But I'll stay a while, read, and post some more. I have progress to make, I'm going somewhere, I just haven't quite figured out which direction that is--yet. Some days I feel like this is just me, and I can't change me. Other days I feel like me, is lost, and I need to get back on track. If this life, using that is, was easier for me to connect the days together fluidly, without a constant worry in the back of my mind of the pain which lies ahead of me if I slip, I would have a lot less anxiety. But this life has a lot of ups, too many downs, and well, it's got me all shook up. Which is probably why I feel a bit lost, too often. Anybody catch my drift? I hope so.
Alright, well, cheers. I don't want to sound like a Debbie Downer--just keeping my thoughts real.
Hope you all have a good holiday season as we bring in the new year!
P.S. I'm from the Chicago area, btw. Not quite Chicago, it's a small drive, but not that far from it, as the map zooms out!
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas, or holiday, or just a day off work, however it applies, hope you enjoyed it!
This is a bit of a new experience for me, I used to read these forums a little here and there, seemingly long ago when the searches would actually appear on Google. I noticed the forums/threads really haven't appeared on Google, for me anyways, for a long time.
I'm a little shy at the moment as far as talking about the drugs I am researching, it might be primarily one of the drugs which tends to draw the most negative attention--I know, we're not supposed to be "like that" around here; judgemental, or whatever. Unfortunately I tend to feel pretty judgemental of the group I can tend to be a part of, as hypocritical as that may sound. I guess I don't always feel that the life of certain using is for me, yet I am a part of the life. ... And I totally just clicked post on accident, while mid-typing. Now I've got to edit and be quick I suppose. --What I was talking about though, is that maybe I did stumble along the way, got caught up using something that I am now feeling the weight of my surrounding peers wanting me far away from. I understand them, it's for a lot of good reasons, yet they just aren't me. I do choose to do what I do, and if life was easier not doing what I do, then I guess I wouldn't be doing it. But I am doing it, so for now I guess I'm in, I'm a part of possibly what I don't ultimately want to be a part of, mainly for those judgmental reasons of seeking meer acceptance. I want to be accepted, I have a lot of possibly wasted potential, but sometimes it's just easier accepting what I am on the inside, and hiding it among others on the outside--I suppose here is the place where I am choosing not to hide that part of me.
Anyways, I guess I'll cut it short, if I can even say that at this point. But I'll stay a while, read, and post some more. I have progress to make, I'm going somewhere, I just haven't quite figured out which direction that is--yet. Some days I feel like this is just me, and I can't change me. Other days I feel like me, is lost, and I need to get back on track. If this life, using that is, was easier for me to connect the days together fluidly, without a constant worry in the back of my mind of the pain which lies ahead of me if I slip, I would have a lot less anxiety. But this life has a lot of ups, too many downs, and well, it's got me all shook up. Which is probably why I feel a bit lost, too often. Anybody catch my drift? I hope so.
Alright, well, cheers. I don't want to sound like a Debbie Downer--just keeping my thoughts real.
Hope you all have a good holiday season as we bring in the new year!
P.S. I'm from the Chicago area, btw. Not quite Chicago, it's a small drive, but not that far from it, as the map zooms out!
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