Hello all! I have been smoking and drinking for the better part of 20 years with pretty much the same routine -- at night only, for maybe 3 or 4 hours, two to three times a week.
My 'clean and sober' days in between my smoking and drinking binges, are characterized by zero to low motivation (especially for housework), a sense of apathy (nothing matters/no purpose), and just a general lack of zeal or pleasure for my life.
I finally went to a psychologist to see if I had ADD, because I was just so disorganized and had no motivation. After roughly 15 minutes of simply observing me and listening to me, she said yes, I had ADD.
I thought "Great! Now we are getting somewhere."
I was prescribed standard methylphenidate, but it acted just like it would on a normal brain -- like cocaine. The pills were cheap, but the doc refused to continue giving them to me, and wanted to switch to a time release version (if I remember right, it was Concerta).
Strangely, I felt no effects from the Concerta, and because it was so expensive, I only took it for that month.
Fast forward a couple of years to the present. I decided to get online and really dig deep into my problems with lack of motivation and zeal for my life. I started to learn about Dopamine and other interesting brain chemicals and mechanisms.
I found the term 'dysthymia', and it fit me beautifully.
I realized by my research that I had clearly been misdiagnosed for ADD.
My current working postulation is that every two or three days I get that restless overpowering pull to binge use nicotine and alcohol which causes me to release the floodgates of dopamine late at night, leaving me with the symptoms of dysthymia during the daytime when I'm not drinking and smoking (I have never been able to smoke and drink in the daytime -- it has always felt 'off' to do so).
Upon light of this information, I went looking for non-prescription methods for spreading out my dopamine release over the daytime, and removing the dopamine-load-blowing habit of smoking and drinking heavily at night 2-3 times a week.
I found pseudoephedrine first. Although the 30 minute 'rush' after 3-4 hours of meh was nice (especially when I lucked out and took 1mg of nicotine right as it was coming on -- wow -- felt like the first time I tried that methylphenidate), I know that's not sustainable as a state of being. It WAS, however, the first time I felt like a normal, happy, healthy human being in a long time, so I knew I was on the right track with my dopamine habit hypothesis.
Currently I am experimenting with nicotine lozenges (4mg cut up into 1mg doses taken every 3 to 3 1/2 hours). This definitely helps, but I am having side effects of dehydration (morning headaches, dry eyes, itchy dry skin). I'll have to force myself to drink more water and see if that helps.
My ultimate goals are to wean myself off the nicotine so my nicotinic acetylcholine receptors will go back to their normal amount, and stop drinking as well -- both in an effort to get my dopamine system back to normal. I'm not sure how long this will take (been addicted to the nightly routine for 20+ years), but that's the plan.
Wish me luck!
-TwitchTX
My 'clean and sober' days in between my smoking and drinking binges, are characterized by zero to low motivation (especially for housework), a sense of apathy (nothing matters/no purpose), and just a general lack of zeal or pleasure for my life.
I finally went to a psychologist to see if I had ADD, because I was just so disorganized and had no motivation. After roughly 15 minutes of simply observing me and listening to me, she said yes, I had ADD.
I thought "Great! Now we are getting somewhere."
I was prescribed standard methylphenidate, but it acted just like it would on a normal brain -- like cocaine. The pills were cheap, but the doc refused to continue giving them to me, and wanted to switch to a time release version (if I remember right, it was Concerta).
Strangely, I felt no effects from the Concerta, and because it was so expensive, I only took it for that month.
Fast forward a couple of years to the present. I decided to get online and really dig deep into my problems with lack of motivation and zeal for my life. I started to learn about Dopamine and other interesting brain chemicals and mechanisms.
I found the term 'dysthymia', and it fit me beautifully.
I realized by my research that I had clearly been misdiagnosed for ADD.
My current working postulation is that every two or three days I get that restless overpowering pull to binge use nicotine and alcohol which causes me to release the floodgates of dopamine late at night, leaving me with the symptoms of dysthymia during the daytime when I'm not drinking and smoking (I have never been able to smoke and drink in the daytime -- it has always felt 'off' to do so).
Upon light of this information, I went looking for non-prescription methods for spreading out my dopamine release over the daytime, and removing the dopamine-load-blowing habit of smoking and drinking heavily at night 2-3 times a week.
I found pseudoephedrine first. Although the 30 minute 'rush' after 3-4 hours of meh was nice (especially when I lucked out and took 1mg of nicotine right as it was coming on -- wow -- felt like the first time I tried that methylphenidate), I know that's not sustainable as a state of being. It WAS, however, the first time I felt like a normal, happy, healthy human being in a long time, so I knew I was on the right track with my dopamine habit hypothesis.
Currently I am experimenting with nicotine lozenges (4mg cut up into 1mg doses taken every 3 to 3 1/2 hours). This definitely helps, but I am having side effects of dehydration (morning headaches, dry eyes, itchy dry skin). I'll have to force myself to drink more water and see if that helps.
My ultimate goals are to wean myself off the nicotine so my nicotinic acetylcholine receptors will go back to their normal amount, and stop drinking as well -- both in an effort to get my dopamine system back to normal. I'm not sure how long this will take (been addicted to the nightly routine for 20+ years), but that's the plan.
Wish me luck!
-TwitchTX
