Where did I go wrong? But before we get to that I would like to introduce myself to this forum. I don't want to reveal too much information about myself ( real name, exact location, what's in my fridge ) for the obvious reasons, but I will try my best to write a descent introduction. I am a male, of around 30 years of age..not too young, not too old.. I grew up in Brooklyn NY, but I was not born in the US, I magically appeared there at the tender age of 9...perhaps 10 with a new shiny green card..some sort of lottery my parents told me. Don't remember much more ; irrelevant information really. I grew up as any kid would without much problems with the exception of my parents divorcing and being ripped from my home country to start a new life in a world I knew nothing off. But I adapted, it's what us humans are good at. By the time my FSH and LH decided to inject my bloodstream with a fresh batch of testosterone I was around the age of 13. Typical teenager, but with a deathwish..as you have guessed it...drugs. I started with cigarettes in the 8th grade, sneaking up with my friend to his roof to smoke after school...oh the fond memories of a spinning head while you think you're on top of the world ; invincible thoughts of grandeur. This of course led to my first experience with marihuana.
Enter high school. I was smoking pot daily and by 10th grade Brooklyn was flooded with blotter. They looked like Chinese food take out menus, at least that's how I described the first 100hit piece of blotter I saw. I didn't consider myself an addict, even though I smoked Newport 100s and pot daily, and acid on the weekends. This went on for pretty much all of high school, I did experiment a little with XTC, 2 puffs from a stick of sherm (bad call on that one), coke, crack, heroin, dxm, ativan. But I never really used any of those habitually, it was more of a ....( I went to some party and someone had some *insert drug name here* and I tried it ) but never really repeated it. So I was still only a pothead really. After high school, some idiots decided to fly planes into TWC. I lost some cousins from that disaster. It felt personal, so I did what any sane individual would do, I wanted revenge. So I joined the military. I never really liked nor drank alcohol until I became a soldier/marine/sailor/flyboy ( well one of the branches ). I started to drink more and more and eventually I became an alcoholic. After my 4 years were up, I returned to my beloved pot, but this time with a friend in the shape of a 750ml vodka bottle ( one per day ). I bounced from job to job aimlessly, drinking, using harder drugs until I got hooked on valium. I would mix valium with vodka and pot, it was my favorite combo, also the combo which cost me a great deal.
Enter the balcony. Around 2010 I was coming home from some doctor visit with 200mgs of valium, bought a bottle of course and decided to watch some movies. I ate the vals, drank the bottle ( quicker than usual ) and I remember getting up to go pee, as I was walking back into the room I suddenly felt as if everything was going dark, I remember walking up to halfway in the room. A month later I woke up strapped to a hospital bed. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I noticed something was missing. My right leg under the knee was gone. What the hell? Was this a dream? I asked a nurse where she hid my leg, to which she replied *what do you remember?* Nothing. I was later told, that I jumped from a 5th story balcony onto cement, feet first. Everything from my waist down was broken, s1-s5 spine included, ruptured intestines, ruptured bladder, etc etc. It took me a year to learn how to sit up and out of bed, another year to learn how to walk. During this time I had 20+ surgeries, I woke up during 2 due to my high tolerance to CNS depressants ( not something fun ).
Enter my prison. I am pretty much stuck at home most of the time, I don't have to worry about money luckily, I have a pretty good prosthetic leg, I can walk, I don't have brain damage, but I'll never have sex again, and I am in constant pain. I am a member at a pain clinic. Second one actually, the first one was treating me with oxycontin. Now I know a lot of people boast about their dosages to make themselves look cool or whatever, but please understand that unlike the US, I live in the EU where the DEA doesn't set limits at how much a patient can receive of a given medication. I was on 160mg oxycontin q.i.d plus 20mg IR Morphine q.i.d per day. Plus 8mg of Klonopin a day. I had enough of oxy, I had enough of waking up every morning with WD....see they don't tell you that @ the pain clinic, but I regress. I switched clinics and I am now on 40mg of methadone a day plus the 8mg of klonopin a day. That's my introduction and why I am here. Please feel free to ask me anything, I am an open book......open book, I think that was one of the fracture types of the pelvis I had, along with I, II and III, but anyway, my hands hurt from typing. I hope I met the standards for introduction. I hope to enjoy this forum.
Enter high school. I was smoking pot daily and by 10th grade Brooklyn was flooded with blotter. They looked like Chinese food take out menus, at least that's how I described the first 100hit piece of blotter I saw. I didn't consider myself an addict, even though I smoked Newport 100s and pot daily, and acid on the weekends. This went on for pretty much all of high school, I did experiment a little with XTC, 2 puffs from a stick of sherm (bad call on that one), coke, crack, heroin, dxm, ativan. But I never really used any of those habitually, it was more of a ....( I went to some party and someone had some *insert drug name here* and I tried it ) but never really repeated it. So I was still only a pothead really. After high school, some idiots decided to fly planes into TWC. I lost some cousins from that disaster. It felt personal, so I did what any sane individual would do, I wanted revenge. So I joined the military. I never really liked nor drank alcohol until I became a soldier/marine/sailor/flyboy ( well one of the branches ). I started to drink more and more and eventually I became an alcoholic. After my 4 years were up, I returned to my beloved pot, but this time with a friend in the shape of a 750ml vodka bottle ( one per day ). I bounced from job to job aimlessly, drinking, using harder drugs until I got hooked on valium. I would mix valium with vodka and pot, it was my favorite combo, also the combo which cost me a great deal.
Enter the balcony. Around 2010 I was coming home from some doctor visit with 200mgs of valium, bought a bottle of course and decided to watch some movies. I ate the vals, drank the bottle ( quicker than usual ) and I remember getting up to go pee, as I was walking back into the room I suddenly felt as if everything was going dark, I remember walking up to halfway in the room. A month later I woke up strapped to a hospital bed. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I noticed something was missing. My right leg under the knee was gone. What the hell? Was this a dream? I asked a nurse where she hid my leg, to which she replied *what do you remember?* Nothing. I was later told, that I jumped from a 5th story balcony onto cement, feet first. Everything from my waist down was broken, s1-s5 spine included, ruptured intestines, ruptured bladder, etc etc. It took me a year to learn how to sit up and out of bed, another year to learn how to walk. During this time I had 20+ surgeries, I woke up during 2 due to my high tolerance to CNS depressants ( not something fun ).
Enter my prison. I am pretty much stuck at home most of the time, I don't have to worry about money luckily, I have a pretty good prosthetic leg, I can walk, I don't have brain damage, but I'll never have sex again, and I am in constant pain. I am a member at a pain clinic. Second one actually, the first one was treating me with oxycontin. Now I know a lot of people boast about their dosages to make themselves look cool or whatever, but please understand that unlike the US, I live in the EU where the DEA doesn't set limits at how much a patient can receive of a given medication. I was on 160mg oxycontin q.i.d plus 20mg IR Morphine q.i.d per day. Plus 8mg of Klonopin a day. I had enough of oxy, I had enough of waking up every morning with WD....see they don't tell you that @ the pain clinic, but I regress. I switched clinics and I am now on 40mg of methadone a day plus the 8mg of klonopin a day. That's my introduction and why I am here. Please feel free to ask me anything, I am an open book......open book, I think that was one of the fracture types of the pelvis I had, along with I, II and III, but anyway, my hands hurt from typing. I hope I met the standards for introduction. I hope to enjoy this forum.
I also wanted to add that I have not had one drink since my plunge into the abyss; balcony jump and I also quit smoking cigs. If I was in the US, I would most likely use medicinal pot to perhaps try and lower my dosages of methadone and Klonopin, but here in the EU ( the specific country I am stuck in ) that is a big no no. Sucks for me.
Your optimism is quite inspirational. Or that is how it comes across.