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Green

Mary Poppins

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2004
Messages
6,529
Location
Brisbane
Watching your heads turn
Towards each other, eyes outward
Your bodies speaking to each other
Jade pools in my eyes.

The colour of calm?
Before the storm perhaps, but I think not
The colour of life?
Ending yours maybe, though it’s doubtful

It’s a tempest now
No waiting necessary
My verdant gaze grows a life of its own
Emerald smoke swirls and clouds my vision
Solidifying into beams that bore into your backs

As I sit alone, drowning in green.
 
when i saw that the title of this piece was "green" i thought it must be a poem about melbourne ;) upon reading it i then realised what it was about and i think that the way you've utilised the word 'green' in the title is very clever.

i really like this piece. it's very poignant much like the line where you say,

Mary Poppins said:
My verdant gaze grows a life of its own
Emerald smoke swirls and clouds my vision
Solidifying into beams that bore into your backs

i can definitely associate with having had these sort of feelings before. and i particularly love the last line.
 
Very clever indeed, theres a surreal feeling to the images you write, as if the "green" has a life of its own and you are just an observer.
 
This is great work!

The first four lines and the last four are especially arresting...
 
this piece of work it alot of impact in short mode.. it develops quickly and actually fits just right... quite good!
 
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