I went to the Mon night NA meeting and I was glad I did. Mom, MaryAnn, and Marla at NA knew there was something wrong with me, but I've dealt with depressive episodes my entire life. The best thing for me to do is accept them, write about them, then they are dealt with. It's amazing what the power of acceptance can do. When you want or don't want something badly enough and you've done everything in your power to make it happen or to stop it, that's all that can be done. Therefore there is no point tripping on the results. Easier said than done sometimes, but it occured to me that as upset as I was about not having much money and not being able to go on vacation, buy the things I want or need, hey I did have a sports car. That's another thing you have to do when you're depressed. Fine one or many things to be grateful for. I had a good night off last night. Mary Ann and Marla said I looked like I needed a hug and they gave them to me. I didn't want to say what was bothering me because sometimes at NA meetings the best thing to do is listen. At least I'm not longer the raging dope fiend that I was and even though I miss parts of that life at times, memories out of nowhere will come back to haunt me. Getting over emotional more times than I care to remember for example, miscalculating and taking too many pain pills barely able to walk or slurring my words so horribly I swear it's amazing that company didn't fire my ass. Anyway I'm trying to be grateful for the shit I do have so I feel better today. I'll be off to work the swing shift in a couple hours.
