First- You are either seriously delusional or you have a big problem with making up shit to seem cool to your buds, your "best friend?" I mean really are you gonna sit there and talk shit about people you don't even know? And are you really going to play like I'M the one who sleeps through the majority of daylight hours or spend it configned comfortably inside a 23" monitor? You know DAMN GOOD AND FUCK WELL that I have been busting my ass to get shit done to get ready for everything including getting 2800 bucks in tax refunds which I would've had if nc educ. Authority hadn't denied me my legal right to a forbearance and jacked every last dime of it, though my debt wasn't even for that much. And as far as my being mad, fuck yeah I was mad. I walked in to you hurriedly zipping up your pants and buckling your belt and you left in such a rush that you forgot to lock up your goods, as you religiously otherwise do. And oh yeah, there was still some dried something on the desk and the webcam... I wouldn't think there's anything wrong with greeting me naked but trying to hide your hanks makes me think you don't want to question the boner it seemed you were trying to hide. Plus you didnt even kiss me bye, so that just reeks of guilt but what do you have to be guilty about? and I'm sorry to have to be the one to give you this memo but making up fake complaints around completely fabricated info to get some mangina sympathy in order to create a false sense of bro-superiority and hollow connection is not only the MOST unsexy thing a guy could do, it's at the core completely unhealthy, aside from the obvious neediness and being utterly pathetic.
Second- I am not jealous of your friends. My friends are paving the way for my AND YOUR return to LA, so let's not get it twisted.
Third- Your idea of foreplay is reading plugging ?'s/sexually explicit trip reports and coming up behind me to spank my ass and asking me if I want to fuck. And it's like yeah I would have loved to do that if you hadn't spent THE ENTIRE DAY FUCKING OFF AND SPENDING MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE cuz you see- that just doesn't do it for me. My clit doesn't swell at the sight of you typing messages to other people. My nipples don't get hard to you sitting in a computer chair, hunched over for hours. I'm sure it drives moat other girls crazy, but what can I say, I'm not like the others.
Fourth- The next time I want to ask you a question or say something in confidence, I'll remember: oh i cant cuz your relationship with your pal supersedes ours and you have no problem, still, with demonizing me and talking shit about me to make yourself feel temporarily like you don't need to take me seriously. Well if that's what you need, cool, but I think that shit is weak as fuck, and I don't deal well with weak people because I need people in my life who's word means something, so I'm not always wondering if I'm being lied to or misled, cuz I refuse to ask questions that are only going to lead to being called crazy or psycho or some variation. Just not what someone recovering from 18 years of abuse and neglect and PTSD needs in their life.
Fifth- You don't really know me... At all. Either you haven't cared to remember or you haven't cared to ask, but I am the most brutally honest person I know, and if you can't handle the truth, don't shoot the messenger. You got me so wrong it's just funny to me now because you are so off base and stuck in your parents bullshit you convince yourself I say, do, and act ways that are quite simply factually erroneous and contradictory to my nature as the friends who have known me longest can tell you. You make assumptions about how I would react to theoretical situations and always assume the most negative thing you can imagine, though I have demonstrated time and time again to be a fighter, a positive person and beyond all else, compassionate. But I swear it's like Yo, who the fuck are YOU dating cuz I needa avoid their ass like the plague. Your clearly NOT talking about me, cuz the shits way off in left field AND YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS IF YOU JUST FUCKING PAY ATTENTION OR AT LEAST MADE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO BE ABLE TO!!
Sixth- I see who and what you are, the only person still buying the bullshit is you. I'm trying to build something but you can't spend money fast enough on material things you think can replace the satisfaction of developing self-discipline, setting goals and using your talents to achieve them, and the reality is: the things you put your time and energy into are the things you care about. If you don't want to work for it, then you don't really want it or you're lazy- both are equally fucked. All I want is a best friend who I can be sexually open and guilt-free with and if you are looking for anything less from this, then I can't continue. I need to know the power of my commitment isn't being wasted, because sex doesn't mean shit to me if I'm not connected on a real level, and more importantly- if YOU aren't connected to me on the same level.
Second- I am not jealous of your friends. My friends are paving the way for my AND YOUR return to LA, so let's not get it twisted.
Third- Your idea of foreplay is reading plugging ?'s/sexually explicit trip reports and coming up behind me to spank my ass and asking me if I want to fuck. And it's like yeah I would have loved to do that if you hadn't spent THE ENTIRE DAY FUCKING OFF AND SPENDING MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE cuz you see- that just doesn't do it for me. My clit doesn't swell at the sight of you typing messages to other people. My nipples don't get hard to you sitting in a computer chair, hunched over for hours. I'm sure it drives moat other girls crazy, but what can I say, I'm not like the others.
Fourth- The next time I want to ask you a question or say something in confidence, I'll remember: oh i cant cuz your relationship with your pal supersedes ours and you have no problem, still, with demonizing me and talking shit about me to make yourself feel temporarily like you don't need to take me seriously. Well if that's what you need, cool, but I think that shit is weak as fuck, and I don't deal well with weak people because I need people in my life who's word means something, so I'm not always wondering if I'm being lied to or misled, cuz I refuse to ask questions that are only going to lead to being called crazy or psycho or some variation. Just not what someone recovering from 18 years of abuse and neglect and PTSD needs in their life.
Fifth- You don't really know me... At all. Either you haven't cared to remember or you haven't cared to ask, but I am the most brutally honest person I know, and if you can't handle the truth, don't shoot the messenger. You got me so wrong it's just funny to me now because you are so off base and stuck in your parents bullshit you convince yourself I say, do, and act ways that are quite simply factually erroneous and contradictory to my nature as the friends who have known me longest can tell you. You make assumptions about how I would react to theoretical situations and always assume the most negative thing you can imagine, though I have demonstrated time and time again to be a fighter, a positive person and beyond all else, compassionate. But I swear it's like Yo, who the fuck are YOU dating cuz I needa avoid their ass like the plague. Your clearly NOT talking about me, cuz the shits way off in left field AND YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS IF YOU JUST FUCKING PAY ATTENTION OR AT LEAST MADE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO BE ABLE TO!!
Sixth- I see who and what you are, the only person still buying the bullshit is you. I'm trying to build something but you can't spend money fast enough on material things you think can replace the satisfaction of developing self-discipline, setting goals and using your talents to achieve them, and the reality is: the things you put your time and energy into are the things you care about. If you don't want to work for it, then you don't really want it or you're lazy- both are equally fucked. All I want is a best friend who I can be sexually open and guilt-free with and if you are looking for anything less from this, then I can't continue. I need to know the power of my commitment isn't being wasted, because sex doesn't mean shit to me if I'm not connected on a real level, and more importantly- if YOU aren't connected to me on the same level.