Got clean, in college...

[Opikit]

Why aren't i happy? Because my brain feels dead after a 7 year heroin to methadone addiction. I physically can not learn. I don't take information in even at the most basic of levels.

I went back on methadone strictly to learn and study better which has helped but now i'm hooked on methadone for no reason at all. I'm turning up late to college because the Chemist doesn't open 'til 9 and from Thursday/Friday onward i will be working at an IT company on trial every Thurs/Fri. How am I going to look against the 10 others in the same position as me when im 15 minutes late EVERY time.

Youth is my only shot at a full time Job. Its taking me literally a whole lesson to learn math again and I find it impossible to revise. Perhaps it's years of laziness which in turn has made me lazy. I made everyone so proud getting clean and looking well. I had one slip up and IV'd mephedrone for a weekend and RUINED my hands, feet, legs and felt suicidal. My life is empty. I don't even want this job. I'd rather go back to flipping shit and making easy money + having a good time.

Then i missed my methadone this weekend.

In Scotland, you get 2 bottles on the Saturday as it's closed on Sunday. I went 3 days no meth and boyy did I forget what a bitch she was. Methadone is worse than any rattle from H without a doubt. First day, 100% fine. Second day, 50% meh can deal with it, Sunday, BOOM. Because I missed 3 days I had to go to the clinic for a quick "hes not on H" look. Missed 3 hours of college and I'm on my final warning.


I'm 21, i started very young and I feel like my lifes over. I'm not suicidal or anything i'm just...I dunno. Whats my purpose? I've been complimented on healthy and good looks but I struggle getting girls or meeting new friends who don't use. I can't play games anymore because I literally get bored 10 minutes in. Nothing holds my attention, nothing interests me.

Yeah, random post, sorry.

 

[CfZrx]

Scotland? Cool! I'm sippin kratom in Cali -CfzRX

 

[Opikit]

Whats the crack pal? Whats Kratom, that tree type shit ? is it good?

 

[wezface]

Kratom comes from the root of a tree in southeast Asia, yes. You can get it online and it is legal in most countries. It is a mild mu-receptive opioid and can help with withdrawal symptoms but is also very addictive.

 

[CfZrx]

Kratom is great opiate replacement!

 

[wezface]

But like I said, be careful about switching one addiction for another. With your addiction duration, you'll need a lot to feel okay, and you really probably shouldn't take that much. It is very physically addictive and it will happen before you know it.

 

[CfZrx]

I'm tapering down from 165 mg morphine to 45mg and it's going pretty good If I end up hooked on kratom, I think It will be easy to taper off of, and very cheap....

 

[Opikit]

<there is no sourcing of illegal or quasi legal substances on BL.. Please read and follow the BLUA .. thanks in advance>

 

[fizzymk]

I know what you mean about loosing interest in everything, I was on methadone for close to 12 yrs with a pain mgt doctor, but got discharged for a dirty drug test (heroin), I havent taken any methadone in about 2 months but have used H about every day since then, so Im not sure where my body is at in regards to w/d.

I agree that methadone w/d is the absolute worst thing to come off, It is literally unbearable, cant even lie in bed and feel comfortable, its like every bone in your body hurts, massive headache, headcold, and you dont feel like doing anything, but at the same time, you cant sit still, your mind races all day long. the worst part of it is from about day 3 up to months...I would feel so bad, all I wanted to do is lay in bed and sleep, but 3 minutes after laying down, I would get restless, and want to get up, then 2 minutes after getting up, feel like laying down again, over and over again, for days!

I dont think I would ever take more methadone now though, even if it was given to me, I would likely sell it to get heroin.

 

[balea]

Well, as long as you feel good after venting out, we are happy, mate.

 

[DETROIT*edm*JUNKIE]

Hey man. Watch some standup comedy or go have sex with somebody. Do things that make u feel good. Get away from the bad thoughts

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

But like I said, be careful about switching one addiction for another. With your addiction duration, you'll need a lot to feel okay, and you really probably shouldn't take that much. It is very physically addictive and it will happen before you know it.

Exactly. Be careful if you do take kratom OP. I know people who are addicted to opiates either pharm opiates, or heroin, then they used kratom and loved it, and got addicted to that.

 

[MONSTA!!]

Hi Mate,

I work in IT and have managed an addiction for 10 years, most of which has been spent on subutex. I've got a couple of suggestions.

First change your pharmacy either to a supermarket one that opens late so you can get your meth in the evening or one the closes half day Saturday so you can pickup your whole weekend dose on Friday.

You are doing well, don't be down on yourself, it seems you have a great opportunity with this IT position, how you ciome out of this is all about how you deal with this situation.

It is possible to be on maintenance opiates and still do well, best of luck!

 

[herbavore]

But like I said, be careful about switching one addiction for another. With your addiction duration, you'll need a lot to feel okay, and you really probably shouldn't take that much. It is very physically addictive and it will happen before you know it.

+100. Maybe you should read this thread:http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...ome-responses-here?highlight=kratom+addiction

I find myself wanting what was easier whenever I am trying to apply myself to make a change for the better. It's natural but don't succumb to that temptation. Most of it is anxiety and lack of faith in yourself and the only way to push through that is to actually build self esteem through accomplishment. Of course if you are only trying to do it for someone else (societal or family expectation) that won't carry you through but if it is something you want then I encourage you to keep at it and get through the hard parts to completion. Drug use can be a thing of your past or it can be your constant present--it's a choice you have to make again and again.