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Got caught in lies about Drugs

Paregoric Mac

Paregoric Mac

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 4, 2013
Messages
61
Location
Kansas U.S.A.
I've been with my fiance' for 2 years now and everything was soo perfect in the beginning. When we me i was somewhere around a year clean from opiates. sort of. the only thing keeping me clean and well was Suboxone. I live in North Western Kansas and theres only 2 Suboxone docs anwhere near driving distance for me. One has a mile long waiting list so the other was my only option. He gave me what i wanted so drug abuse seemed a thing of the past. like it didnt exist for me anymore. i had money, steady work, and had her happy as can be. Well i lost my job and racked up bills with my doc so i can no longer get my Suboxone script let alone pay for it (no insurace). So i was forced to detox. Well thanks to some generous friends with ms contin, i managed to stay well but ALL my money went toward staying well. Anyway...i had to come up with excuses to leave the house without her and get what i needed. She was very suspicous quite often. Then today, i was caught. I had told her last night i was going to my moms, but she spoke with my mom and found out i lied, so i had to tell her the truth. She wont speak to me and is being pretty cold towards me no matter how much i tell her im sorry.. i wish i would have detoxed and been through with it.. well i will be now. Drugs will never take me from her. But idk what to do at the moment.. i dont have any friends cuz they all use so i stay at home to myself. im so lonely without her.. She says i have a lot of growing up to do, and i agree. i just want to move on with this and make her happy like i used to.
Currently we dont live together cuz she goes to school 4 hours away. shes only here on the weekends. Im a tad bit scared she may meet someone else there, another guy.. just cuz shes so mad at me :( i hope to God that doesnt happen.. Any advice?
 
if you're really truly up to it man, tell her the truth. tell her that you do have growing up to do and admit you have a problem. tell her that chemicals will never mean more than her and that you will prove it to her in any and every way possible. ask for the opportunity to do so, and hope she gives it to you.
good luck brother, just remember that if it's meant to be it's going to happen. the universe works in a very strange yet purely deliberate way.
 
get your shit together. man the fuck up take care of you first. if you cant take care of ur own damn issues then why drag yo ole lady n this shit. u sayin shit like u wer caught. what kind of shit is this? the fuck got caught n some lies n shit.
like dude seriously, get off that shit. cold turkey. fuck that noise ur on. show her the fuck up that your stronger then some drug. i don't see your serious, so you'l tell her some bullshit and go get high in the other room. if your that bad man go get help.
 
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^ i'm guessing that the lying is the bigger problem.

you've apologised. you need to give her time to forgive you and move on. if she can't find a way to forgive you, it's going to be hard to be together.

alasdair
 
OP. You broke her trust and trust is the one thing a relationship will not function without. I dunno much about Kansas but I do know methadone is a lot cheaper than suboxone where im from. If you cant stay off the opiate maybe its time to consider that option?

edit it doesn't make sense without the quote. I don't disagree with his main point just the attitude he dispensed it with
 
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alasdairm said:
^ i'm guessing that the lying is the bigger problem.
Click to expand...

its a huge red flag for anyone with a brain...

OP from now on be honest. explain that you ran out of money and it led to the slip up but that you want freedom from the opiates. suboxone is okay but at some point you have to just stop taking the opiates. its up to you... and do for yourself
 
I've experienced the same thing recently, only I'm the girlfriend whose boyfriend lied to her and it was a different substance, one I do not use. I'm presently debating on whether or not to permanently separate from him - not because he is an addict, but because he is being dishonest and avoidant. I know of at least one time that he used because he left out paraphernalia. I do not live with him, this is the main reason.

Your fiancee likely feels very concerned about you and also feels betrayed. I'm most concerned that you might not have confessed had you not been caught. I do, however, believe that people can and do change with effort, and I wish you the strength to be honest with yourself and your fiancee, to seek help for your addiction so that the two of you can live a happy life.
 
your options are clear. chose one or the other. if you detox and get clean and responsible, if shes worth keeping, she will understand what a big deal that is and should really appreciate it, and thing should go smooth. if shes a bitch and doesnt forgive you, then shes not worth it.

getting clean should show your determination to make things work and your dedication to her

good luck
 
Quite honestly, this could be a blessing in disguise for you and maybe even for your relationship. It won't come easy though.

If I were you I would sit down and write a letter by hand with the goal of being 100% honest for once. Maybe say something along the lines of, "I know I can never undo what has happened but I love you and want to make this work. I am willing to do whatever it takes and for however long necessary. I understand you have a lot of thinking to do but before you make any decisions please consider a few things... [and go from there]." The letter serves several purposes: 1.) You can say what needs to be said. 2.) If you're thorough and honest it will give her something tangible to reflect on whenever she's trying to decide what to do. 3.) Amazingly enough something as small as a handwritten letter can show how much a person genuinely cares, especially when everything is typed now.

I would then give her some time to swallow this ugly pill and mull on it all before asking for any forgiveness. Once a little time passes and she can actually wrap her mind around everything, consider educating her on addiction. Have a 100% open and honest Q&A where she can ask you anything and do NOT lie to her no matter how scared you are. Especially don't lie to her because you think it will spare her feelings. She's a big girl and besides, she deserves the truth because she's giving part of her life to this relationship, not to mention her emotions.

Maybe consider going to some NA meetings with her so she can get an idea on what it's like to struggle with addiction or get her some literature on addiction (specifically from the point of view of addicts and their families). Hell, scan through some of the threads regarding this on BL and let her read through them so she can see an unfiltered version of what addiction is like. Introduce her to people you know who HAVE gotten sober and HAVE maintained healthy relationships in spite of their problems. It will allow her to not only understand you more but also see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you guys go about this in a healthy way.

Lastly, listen to her. She's probably going to cry a lot, cuss you out, hang up on you, ignore you, and everything in between. Let her and don't hold it against her. She needs to express these emotions and work through them and you need to know just how much you've hurt her. You both need to start a new page in your lives and it needs to involve brutal honesty. If it's "meant to be" you guys will see it through.

Oh and one more thing, don't worry about other guys right now. If all it takes is for some guy to walk into the picture to ruin what you guys have then ponder the idea that perhaps your relationship wasn't the best to begin with and you're both better off moving on. Besides, you guys have more important things to focus on. Try not to worry about it and throw yourself into becoming a better person and contemplate the rest at a later date. You have your entire life to sort everything out.

Good luck.
 
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Oh my gosh. She's your fiance of 2 years... she's been there for you... why are you doubting her? I know life sucks right now and everything seems like it's falling apart. This is the true test of love. It's where it all comes together. Trust. Be honest. Have faith. You'll get yourself out of this hole...once you find a job. :)
 
why not come clean in the first place - i mean why hide your past, you could of came clean right at the start & told her you had a problem in the past & were trying to over come this - instead you've lied and went out of your way to aqquire a substitute. If she loved you she would of understood this and hopefully stuck by you no? i myslef had a massive problem with weed and lost the 1 person who meant everything to me threw it. i had been using for 10+ years, & she knew i was a weed smoker when she got with me but over the years of been with her i spiralle dout on control & was getting to the point where i was that wrapped up in my own little world. She give me a huge wake up call, and left me declaring she no longer felt the same way she once did
 
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