I've returned to BL after a hiatus of a few years. In that time, I've managed to get clean and sober (almost 2 years now!). Things have really changed around BL, there's a lot of new people I don't remember from before, and it seems as though all the old familiar regulars have gone. Maybe that's for the better, since I'm here to turn over a new leaf.
When I first started on BL, I was extremely passionate about pharmaceuticals. Initially, I was a recreational user, but as with all drug habits, things slid quickly. I soon developed a fierce IV oxy habit and hit rock bottom really hard. I managed to pull myself up from rock bottom and got clean. However, the road to getting clean was chaotic, to say the least.
October 16, 2010 was the last day I used. I recall going on a major oxy and coke binge. The morning after, I really was not doing well. My mood was all over the place (I guess you could describe it as a bad mixed bipolar episode). I became acutely suicidal, and called 911. Since I was living in a university residence home at the time, I got out of the house quickly, because I didn't want the police and the paramedics showing up at the house and freaking out the other residents, who were mostly sheltered rich kids. I had the police meet me on a corner down the street. After being taken to the hospital, things were a major roller-coaster. I remember going from sobbing to one of the psych RN's and then when I was left alone, trying to hang myself in the ER. I was then put in a seclusion room, where I went acutely psychotic. When I was rushed to this room after hanging myself, I proceeded to use the gurney as a battering ram to smash on the locked door. When RNs and security arrived, I managed to grab a short IV pole on the gurney and wield it like a club. Thankfully, one of the RNs talked me down. I was then four-pointed, and in the process of this happening, I spat in the face of a male nurse who I thought was giving me attitude. I was promptly injected with Clopixol Accuphase and Ativan. My psychiatrist happened to be on call, and needless to say, he was furious.
After being brought up to the South Psychiatric Ward, I experienced horrible EPS from the Clopixol and was fatigued and drowsy from the med cocktail that was given to me to detox from the oxys (25 mg of Librium q.i.d. and 0.2 mg of Clonidine t.i.d.). I was also on my usual psych med cocktail (6 mg Invega qam, 100 mg modafinil qam, 200 mg Tegretol qam, 400 mg hs, 100 mg Lamictal hs, 1 mg Rivotril/Klonopin qam and 2 mg hs and 10 mg sublingual zolpidem prn hs) plus 2 mg Ativan as a prn (only when I was in the hospital).
Now, at the hospital where I was staying, there are 3 psychiatric units: North, South and PICU. As a rule, you want to be on North, as the staff are better and the patients are a lot better. The PICU is the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit- basically the lockup for the most profoundly ill patients. I was given a "Form 3", which means an involuntary admission to care.
I was soon transferred to North, and over the next few days, I was detoxed and given privileges. I hung around with some interesting people and avoided the really unstable ones (I've been "on the ward" before, so I knew exactly what to do and who to avoid). I have a number of stories about just how surreal it is on the ward, but I'll tell those at a later date.
After my detox completed, I was approached by a hospitalist that also specialized in addiction medicine and ran an addictions clinic across the street from the hospital. I quickly came to the conclusion that I needed to go on a treatment program, be it bupe or MMT. The doctor wanted me to go on MMT, but my psychiatrist and my GP had advised that I go on bupe. I began bupe therapy and things started to improve dramatically. I was soon discharged from the hospital, only to find that the locks on the doors of my place had been changed. I managed to find living arrangements and have been living the sober life ever since. I've been to various outpatient treatment programs, and a psychologist that specializes in addiction but I've yet to go to NA. My addictions doc, my shrink and my psychologist all said that NA just stands for Narcotics Available. I think that they're all biased, but I've been doing really well. I have stories about my experiences on bupe, but again, I'll save those for another time.
I managed to finish my first Master's degree and I'm going to be starting a second one in September. I'm going for a Master's in Social Work with a specialization in Mental Health and Addictions. I want to work with people that are going through mental health and addiction issues, because I've been there myself, so I know what it's like.
I know that this entry was major tl;dr material, but I was just recapping my escape from rock bottom and how I began living the sober life.
When I first started on BL, I was extremely passionate about pharmaceuticals. Initially, I was a recreational user, but as with all drug habits, things slid quickly. I soon developed a fierce IV oxy habit and hit rock bottom really hard. I managed to pull myself up from rock bottom and got clean. However, the road to getting clean was chaotic, to say the least.
October 16, 2010 was the last day I used. I recall going on a major oxy and coke binge. The morning after, I really was not doing well. My mood was all over the place (I guess you could describe it as a bad mixed bipolar episode). I became acutely suicidal, and called 911. Since I was living in a university residence home at the time, I got out of the house quickly, because I didn't want the police and the paramedics showing up at the house and freaking out the other residents, who were mostly sheltered rich kids. I had the police meet me on a corner down the street. After being taken to the hospital, things were a major roller-coaster. I remember going from sobbing to one of the psych RN's and then when I was left alone, trying to hang myself in the ER. I was then put in a seclusion room, where I went acutely psychotic. When I was rushed to this room after hanging myself, I proceeded to use the gurney as a battering ram to smash on the locked door. When RNs and security arrived, I managed to grab a short IV pole on the gurney and wield it like a club. Thankfully, one of the RNs talked me down. I was then four-pointed, and in the process of this happening, I spat in the face of a male nurse who I thought was giving me attitude. I was promptly injected with Clopixol Accuphase and Ativan. My psychiatrist happened to be on call, and needless to say, he was furious.
After being brought up to the South Psychiatric Ward, I experienced horrible EPS from the Clopixol and was fatigued and drowsy from the med cocktail that was given to me to detox from the oxys (25 mg of Librium q.i.d. and 0.2 mg of Clonidine t.i.d.). I was also on my usual psych med cocktail (6 mg Invega qam, 100 mg modafinil qam, 200 mg Tegretol qam, 400 mg hs, 100 mg Lamictal hs, 1 mg Rivotril/Klonopin qam and 2 mg hs and 10 mg sublingual zolpidem prn hs) plus 2 mg Ativan as a prn (only when I was in the hospital).
Now, at the hospital where I was staying, there are 3 psychiatric units: North, South and PICU. As a rule, you want to be on North, as the staff are better and the patients are a lot better. The PICU is the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit- basically the lockup for the most profoundly ill patients. I was given a "Form 3", which means an involuntary admission to care.
I was soon transferred to North, and over the next few days, I was detoxed and given privileges. I hung around with some interesting people and avoided the really unstable ones (I've been "on the ward" before, so I knew exactly what to do and who to avoid). I have a number of stories about just how surreal it is on the ward, but I'll tell those at a later date.
After my detox completed, I was approached by a hospitalist that also specialized in addiction medicine and ran an addictions clinic across the street from the hospital. I quickly came to the conclusion that I needed to go on a treatment program, be it bupe or MMT. The doctor wanted me to go on MMT, but my psychiatrist and my GP had advised that I go on bupe. I began bupe therapy and things started to improve dramatically. I was soon discharged from the hospital, only to find that the locks on the doors of my place had been changed. I managed to find living arrangements and have been living the sober life ever since. I've been to various outpatient treatment programs, and a psychologist that specializes in addiction but I've yet to go to NA. My addictions doc, my shrink and my psychologist all said that NA just stands for Narcotics Available. I think that they're all biased, but I've been doing really well. I have stories about my experiences on bupe, but again, I'll save those for another time.
I managed to finish my first Master's degree and I'm going to be starting a second one in September. I'm going for a Master's in Social Work with a specialization in Mental Health and Addictions. I want to work with people that are going through mental health and addiction issues, because I've been there myself, so I know what it's like.
I know that this entry was major tl;dr material, but I was just recapping my escape from rock bottom and how I began living the sober life.
