Going to war, literally, in the friend zone

[IAmJacksUserName]

I met a girl about a month ago– I'm a journalist, she's a photographer– and we hit it off instantly. We work all day, every day together, sometimes going on overnight business trips together where we share a bed, and I know she's not attracted to me: I overheard her say to someone at a party while she thought I was passed out drunk, "I'm not attracted to him whatsoever, I wish I were". It hurt at the time, but since we work all the time together I had to just slag it off.

She's gone back to Europe for Christmas (we live in SE Asia), and since she left, I've been trying to forget her but just can't. The main reason, I think, is because both of us have a major attraction to danger, and whenever we work together in dangerous situations we have a lot of great chemistry. A couple weeks ago, for instance, we were at a riot together, and while rocks and molotov cocktails were flying around us, we both pushed ourselves to take risks while also holding each other back from doing anything too stupid. In this line of work, which we are both passionate about, you really need to have a partner who you thrive with if you have any partner at all, and regardless of what feelings she doesn't have for me, we obviously care about each other a lot. We are contemplating going to a war zone to report, but I'm afraid that my feelings, combined with the adrenaline of being in constant danger, may have deadly consequences. It would be different if we were on the same page, but right now I feel that I shouldn't mix heavy emotions.

No one is able to give me any meaningful advice. I never get this wrapped in one uninterested girl, but I can't help it this time around. My fantasy is to go cover the war in Syria with her, but I just can't see myself doing it if we're "just friends", and I cannot see myself meeting another girl who is as lustful about risk as I am. So, should I swallow my feelings and take the plunge with her, or should I disconnect now?

 

[Mysterie]

One day, love and friendship met. Love asked, 'Why do you exist when I already exist?' Friendship smiled and said, 'To put a smile where you leave tears.'

my ultimate advise is 'make love, not war'

 

[IAmJacksUserName]

I cant give you any advice but if you go to syria i hope you come back safe, that place is full of fucking jihadi caveman animals.

Yeah we're a long way from actually going there, we're going to try for some less hostile conflict zones first if we go anywhere together at all. The dynamic is that's she's utterly fearless, while I'm brave, but not suicidal. Part of it has to do with the fact that she's a photographer, so she has to get up close to get good shots, while I can hold back and just observe. But she admits that she needs someone like me to keep her in check. And I need someone to egg me on to take risks. Nothing pushes you to the scene of a violent clash the same way watching the girl you fancy running ahead of you.

 

[Mysterie]

didnt you read my post mr. fight club? have some bravery, you have some good ideas so plz show some backbone

 

[Tude]

Working in an environment like that sounds awesome! Now I wanna be a journalist or photographer lol. Going to Syria sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime; push your feelings aside and go!

 

[Mysterie]

push your feelings aside and go!

listen to your feelings/body and trust them 100%

 

[pofacedhoe]

good luck- i could never knowingly put myself in a volatile dangerous situation

doesn't all that adrenaline and excitement make you associate her with being exciting hence this attraction. danger can be a turn on

just to point out- riots in a city are very different from full on war and massacres. not the same thing at all.

england has had riots in the past but it hasn't (since cromwell's time i think) had mass genocide

 

[IAmJacksUserName]

good luck- i could never knowingly put myself in a volatile dangerous situation

doesn't all that adrenaline and excitement make you associate her with being exciting hence this attraction. danger can be a turn on

Yeah, possibly. On some level, I guess I'm thinking that doing dangerous things with her will turn her on to me. Which, I suppose, is where the most danger lies. It's already enough that young journalists like us feel the need to prove ourselves by taking the risks that the major outlets won't let their staff reporters take (they don't want to prop up the insurance costs or ransom if we get kidnapped). Feeling the need to prove myself to a girl on top of all that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

just to point out- riots in a city are very different from full on war and massacres. not the same thing at all.

england has had riots in the past but it hasn't (since cromwell's time i think) had mass genocide

Very true too. At the moment both of us are tied down with steady jobs that will prevent us from going anywhere too far away or dangerous. If and when it becomes a serious possibility, we will have to make a reassessment. Right now, I'm looking to content myself by doing mildly risky things in Southeast Asia. Rebel-controlled Burma is high on my list– they're not fighting too much at the moment, plus none of the sides are looking to kidnap Americans or Brits (our respective nationalities). The worst thing that is likely to happen is that the Chinese would catch us crossing the border into Burma illegally and ban us from ever returning.