going to see my dad tomorrow

[Ds]

this is a big deal for me, havn't seen my dad in some time now, and the last time that i saw him he was in the psych ward.
Well to make this brief.
My dad is a chronic pain sufferer, and takes diffrent medicines to controll the pain (fentanyl patchs, oxycodone, and demoral). shit just thinking about that stuff makes my skin craw. In the past i've stolen his medicine and since he has memory problems i use that against him any fucking way possible. I know its fucked up, and its costed me a lot of suffering (him not calling me on my bday, or chrustmas because of it.) and that shit hurt a whole lost wost then getting my ass beat. i'd perfer the ass beating anyday.
I don't want that shit to ever happen again, it was awful, not talking to my dad for that long of time over stealing his medicine.

Anyways,
I'm going over to his place tomorrow in the afternoon. My sister will be driving me (today he is in bed because of his pain). I know he needs help around his house, and thats probably why he wanted me to come.
I mean theres fun shit to do there, go swimming, fishing, hangout with the cow-girls that live down the way.
It's just his fucking medicine that makes it extremely awkward. like it's fucking nuts! I's like i'm a vampire, and he's the last human on the earth, and well you know how that story goes.

I don't want to fuck up like I did before, Does anyone have experience in this kind of stuff? To some people it may seem like it's nothing but to me.. being the addict i am, it's going to be hard.

like people that are in recovery and have dealt with this before?
any advice?

 

[graugeist]

Can your sister stay with you the whole time so that she can keep an eye on you and make sure you do not steal your father's medications? Can you bring a friend to help you do work around the house and keep you straight? Can you ask your father to lock up his medications so that you cannot get to them (maybe even bring a lock box to give to him along with the key). Ideally, you should not go there because you have stolen his medications in the past and you are going to have to be surrounded by very tempting drugs the whole time you're there.

I can't think of anything else right now to suggest.

 

[Ds]

Can you ask your father to lock up his medications so that you cannot get to them (maybe even bring a lock box to give to him along with the key).

That's something there, never done that before. I have told him before to lock up his wine, and liquor before, and well when he did that i went straight for his medicine.

My dad has lost his marbles, serously. ever since his brain tumor thing, and well recovery hasn't been the best. he's fully recoverd from the operation but it left him with pain, memory loss, vertigo, and well everything else.
He's still smart and can work things like the TV,Computer,Microwave, and he can still drive. So it's not like he's a vegetable.
I could ask him to do that, even though its going to be hard. When I say hard I mean like I know what his medicine is, what it does, and how it effects me (fucks me up/gets me high).

I know that I could facebook msg my sister and tell her to talk to my dad and tell him to lock up his meds, and it wouldn't even have to be on my mind.
that sounds good, but still. what the fuck is wrong with me? serously is it that bad? jesus

 

[purple_cloud]

I think the locked box idea is really good, whether or not you or your sister tell him. And D's, nothing is wrong with you hun, its the nature of addiction. Your dad isn't going to be around forever, especially if he's already had some health issues...the sooner you patch things up with him, the happier you're going to be. How is your sister's relationship with him? Is having her there with you the whole time going to be beneficial, or do they both sort of side against you sometimes? To what extent does your sister understand your addiction?

D's, I feel like I don't have too much advice to offer since I've never been in this situation, but I wanted to tell you there's nothing wrong with you...everyone has problems, no one is perfect.

Are you currently clean? If so, think of it that way --- you are doing well and shouldn't blow it all when you can spend that time talking with your father and doing things to help him out, instead of hurting him by going after his meds. If you're not clean, maybe bring some of your own drugs with you incase things get too intense...that way you have your own drugs to use, and you don't feel as tempted to steal his.

 

[Faded .45]

I know exactly what your talking about man. I've actually looked for shit like that at my relatives houses not even knowing there was anything there but checking anyway, and I took everything I did find. Looking back I can't believe I did that shit without even thinking about it twice. I also know that your situation sucks, I have been in it before. All I can say is that its hard as hell, but you just gotta not take them. For me, I just tried to keep it out of my mind, which is pretty impossible, but you get through it. And once you leave and realize that you didn't do that shit, you'll feel damn good. Also, don't bring your own drugs because chances are you'll run out and want to take his more than ever, and it's just not worth it. You'll feel alot better in the long run not taking his shit.That's all I can say, either way good luck man I hope it all works out

 

[Z Y G G Y]

^I know a lot of people go through other people's medicine cabinets and that's why I always keep my pain meds in a locked up hidden place away from where anyone can take them. God, i can't even imagine what i would do if I had a cousin over at my house and after they left my pain meds were gone. Doctor's don't replace them usually and I'd have to go through chronic pain and w/d just so that some punk ass can get high. Anyone that has pain meds that they need should really keep their meds locked up at all times.

To the OP:
At least you are making an effort towards not taking your dad's meds. Addiction is hard and for many of us its pretty much impossible to say no when drugs we like are there in front of our faces. You are not alone here. There are plenty of people that would have a hard time in the same situation that you are in. The good thing is that you are trying to save yourself and your dad the pain of stealing his meds. What you are doing is really all you can do at this point. Sheer mental effort might not be enough to prevent an addict from taking drugs when they are at hand's reach.

What I would do is talk to your dad about the fact that you are an addict and that its hard for you to be around his meds and not take them. Either tell him yourself or tell your sister to tell him. He needs his meds to function. It's like insulin to him. So there are two conflicting parts in you, one knows your dad needs his meds and taking them would totally fuck him and the other wants to get fucked up. The only way to make sure that the second part of you doesn't win is for your dad to keep the meds in a safe spot, away from where you can take them. He needs to know you have the desire to take his meds so that he can protect them. Any meds you take from him will mean that he will be in w/d for that many days. For you its just getting high and for him its the agony of chronic pain on top of severe w/d. You have to let someone know that these meds need to be kept away from you. If you care about your dad in any way and can relate to his suffering then you will do this. You will get someone to lock the meds away so that you can't take them. If you don't do this and take his meds your dad will suffer an extreme lot. Think about the pain that you will cause your dad if you take his meds and make the choice to do everything to prevent that. And don't just count on your mental effort not to take them, get them locked up so that there is no way you can take them. It's the only way to ensure that your dad will not suffer.