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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Going to relapse tomorrow?

The fucked up thing with addction is after a little bit we start to loose the whole picture and we automatically seem to start to focus and fantisize about the "good."

Here is what i think will happen tomorow if you deside to use..

So you make that leap.. as soon as you do your excited.. cause this is going to be so fuckn nice..

Man i have been battling this for so long.. I just need a little time.. a little bender I can pull myself out... done it before right..

I just need a littel break.. and fuck it this is going to be good.. man this is life right whats the point if its this hard..

Alright i'm doing it.. this is going to be fuckin great.. can't wait.. cant hardly sleep..

Alright its set.. made the phone call and my boy gets in tomorrow..

Alright tomorrow comes... up early you bet I am.. all worries have vanished cause im going to do this.. and i am so glad i am/.. been fighting this for so damn long.. i just need to feel good..

Alright make the call and its set..

Roiling over.. couple of last thoughts.. you know the old man i've come so far thoughts.. maybe a couple of thoughts about the acutes.. ah no worry i'm not going in that deep.. just a nice break you know..

Alright here is the man.. deal goes down.. your hands shaking as your chopping those pills.. you cant fucking wait.. slide that pile into a line like a weathered pro.. slick.. smile on your face..

Bam it goes back..

waiting.. waiting.. oh man i've waited so damn long.. this is going to be just as i pictured and longed for..

waiting.. oh there is a little... I fell something.. its coming..

I fell a little fucked up.. not quite like I thought.. yeah.. it will come just give it a little time..

yeah i'm feeling a little more fucked up than high.. shit well i haven't done it in a long time.. just give it time right... yeah a little more time..

A little more time passes.. drips are burning.. same old smell and taste.. uh.. shit what i'm feeling isn't really that good.. I mean it ok but shit not like i pictured it..

stomachs a little queasy.. i mean not like i'm going to throw up but it feels a little off.. that knot in the throat feeling.. not bad but really not that good..

man I feel relaxed a bit.. but shit its not clear like I was picturing.. heads a little numb.. or maybe even a little hurten.. fuck it will pass..

alright its been twenty minutes and yeah i feel ok.. muscles are relaxed a bit.. but it just isn't what i remembered.. I'm relaxed a little but kinda fucked.. im off a bit..

sweating.. mouths pretty dry.. you know I just dont think Im feeling the way I thought.. this isn't really that fucking good at all..

fuck it lets do another line.. that will do the trick..

waiting waiting.. yeah disappointment.. its not like it used to be.. dry mouth.. tired.. a descent tired.. oh wait here we go.. alright now im really but sick at the same time.. wacked and tired...

but im fucking hot and a little sick.. its just not really that good.. I mean yeah but really no.. and i still have that fucking sick feeling in my stomach and my heads all fuckin cloudy..

shit just isn't what i remember.. yeah I feel ok.. but not that good.. not even close to how I pictured it..

what the fuck was i thinking.. ahh just give it a little more time.. but it doesn't get better..

man i cant believe I fell for this shit again.. what the fuck.. man i just pulled myself outa this hole..

now I,m risking falling back in for this pathetic buzz.. i mean yeah I feel ok.. but how come i never remember all the crap feelings that good..

Man I want to do another.. but that will just make me sicker.. fuck I cant believe i fell for this shit again..

I was so excited for this and this half ass felling is it..

man fuck this.. I'm done.. cant believe in whats never going to happen again..

now my heads actually hurts a bit.. I thought I would feel so good.. but man i just feel a little tired and seasick..

man I cant belive i fell for this again..

Alright now I'm done..

I'm done..

shit i'm just going to lay here and i cant wait for this to be done..

christ not near enough for even the hassle i put myself through..

what the fuck.. man yeah its not all that and i'm done..

I dont even fell good..

bu,t man I have all these pills i scored..

fuck it.. a little nap.. or a little cleaning..

alright then man im coming back and im starting to feel a little better..

alright no harm..

felling alright.. but know i'm jonesing a little..

no i'm not going to go again.. but i defensively feel off..

alright since i went a little i will go a little more..

kinda funny how i used to get some relief but know im jonesing hard,, way harder than I have in months.. man I want to take another one..

but why shit didn't make me feel that good at all..

oh man..

Now i remember clearly why I stopped this crap in the first place..

fuckn nose is on fire a little and shit i even fell it in my lungs a decent amount already.. wtf





addiction takes a picture if you can play the whole movie through you realize that is no place you want to go back to.. the buzz is never how we remember it..

but nodding, hot, sweaty, irritable, the heat in the stomach.. that almost dry heave the motion sickness to the buzz..

shit sucks sir.. it was good at one time.. those days are over..

nose on fire.. pissed as hell at yourself for getting fooled..

She always whispers how its going to be amazing but it never is it just kinda sucks and then we start to dig that whole again;)<3

you already know it going to be half ass and will turn really lame quick.. a very good friend of mine.. and i dont care what people say i have amazing friends I used and DID TIME in addition with.. yeah a great friend of mine.. shawn. he used to look at me and say.. "WORST THING EVER>> WORST THING IN THE WORLD" when we were chained by opiates.

You wanna have a great time and love yourself for doing it.. call and cancel the slave chains .. just look at them for what they are LAME and life destroying.. what do you think?


<3<3;)
 
The Cycle of Addiction Is Characterized By:
Recovery Connections characteristics of the addiction cycle​


  • Frustration and internal pain that leads to anxiety and a demand for relief of these symptoms
  • Fantasizing about using alcohol and drugs or behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable symptoms
  • Obsessing about using drugs and alcohol and how his or her life will be after the use of substances
    [*]Engaging in the addictive activity, such as using substances to gain relief (acting out)
    [*]Losing control over the behavior
    [*]Developing feelings of remorse, guilt and shame, which lead to feelings of dissatisfaction
  • Making a promise or resolve to oneself to stop the behavior or substance use
  • After a period of time, the pain returns, and the addict begins to experience the fantasies of using substances again.
This cycle can rotate on a variable basis. For example, binge users rotate through this cycle more slowly. Daily users may rotate through the cycle of addiction daily or several times throughout the day. This cycle can be arrested at any point after the addict or alcoholic makes a decision or is forced to get help. Sometimes, the consequences that arise (legal, financial, medical or social) force the addict or alcoholic to stop using. However, in the absence of outside help, such as alcohol or drug detox followed by addiction treatment help, the substance abuse or addictive behavior is likely to return.


you already know how its going to go.. so dont get played and exit out of the cycle<3​
 
neversickanymore makes a great point...the best part of the whole relapse will the hours leading up to it after that it's all downhill. You'll be dissapointed in the high, do more, then just get nauseous as shit maybe even OD if you do too much with no tolerance. Then after all that you'll want more so you can get that high that you used to remember, after that you're just chasing the dragon and you're addicted again just like that.
 
Wow that was pretty much it in a nutshell. NSA you are 100% correct. Here is how I justify it I have no connect is my current city and dont go back home much for this very reason so relapse after relapse is unlikely also until I get a second income most everything is outside my budget. What sucks is I literally just woke up and I had a very vivid dream where I had got 3 opana 40s but like in the old days dude hooked me up with 6(happened to me once). The whole dream for whatever reason I practiced self control while living in a VW mini bus (never owned one or lived in a bus lol) and I at the very end I went to rip it and I immediately wake up and now I am reeling from this fucking dream that has me really wanting to cop. I am still not 100% but I am 98% sure I will. Time will only tell. Ill keep you posted thanks for the response it is weighing pretty heavily on my mind.
 
Same here, I am wondering what everything is. I mean sobriety in a stuck position would suck, then again different energies would come back after the withdrawls. Yet the poppy plant has chemicals that produce an incredible energetic warm comfortable blanket type of feeling. Everything can go wrong and you can still be mentally ok. Yet we keep on doing it, lose money and then get edgy and maybe lose a job. It takes stuff away from people because when people are on it they don't want anything but to experience the amazing feeling. Then when you experience it, your tolerance goes up and eventually you won't be as productive, then when you stop it is all cold chills and being sick. Overall it may be just as much of an angel as a devil.
 
I get a much better feeling off a good workout, a really well prepared somewhat healthy meal, and some good skins than i do from opiates. Also if sobriety all the time is something that is difficult or unpleasant then why not figure out a chemical that is actually fun and enjoyable and less addicting to relapse on.
 
neversickanymore said:
why not figure out a chemical that is actually fun and enjoyable and less addicting to relapse on.
Click to expand...

that's what i've been thinking - something i dont have to iv and that aint as expensive as H. Where is it though? like the OP I'm waiting to relapse but having tried most diamorphine is the best...
 
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