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TDS Going to inpatient opiate rehab for 12 months tomorrow morning and so scared

S

scaredshitless

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 10, 2014
Messages
2
Hello,

I am a male in his early 20s who hasn't lived separately from his parents and is socially pretty much awkward and under severe depression, also I have been suicidal for a number of times and have one two failed attempts under my belt. I have a big opiate & benzo habit and also I have been on MMT for the last 3 years and had a very rough time the last 12 months when my life turned from shit to absolute disaster. Now I have a choice either I go into this rehab or my parents will kick me out of the house (they probably wont do that but these were their words and I understand them due to what I have been putting them through the last half decade, in parents words its tough love I think).

I understand I need to go because I have come off opiates myself countless times only to relapse few days later, it really is painful to watch over and over again as your parents get really happy when you come off the gear and MMT completely only to find you 2 days later nodding with a needle beside you. So I understand I need to work on my mind patterns and find a way to rebalance my brain chemistry.

I live in a not so developed country in Europe and the rehabs we have here are really basic. I dont even know if they give me any meds there or just let me go into full seizures from my benzo habit while going off opiates. Do they even know you get seizures from a big benzo habit?

In the rehab I will be living with mostly convicts for violent assaults and robberies (no offence to anyone who is one) in 3-4 people rooms and since most gearheads in my country are immigrants the group therapy consits of entirely foreign language (they all come from a specific country) and few of them speak the national language to some degree. Fortunately as the years went on when I copped on streets I learned a little bit of that language since the pushers are also immigrants. Individual therapy is in national language fortunately. I would compare it to a US citizen going to a Mexican rehab with being the only english speaker there (except staff) where he understands only the parts of the language which he has found useful or needed when copping crack in some Cali&New Mexico/Texas ghetto...

My mind is literally racing right now and thinking what could happen there, will I be hurt? What will happen? How can I cope with 365 days there and no outside contact? How will the other guys see me? I can see my family 1 time a month and every week one phone call. I would not panic so much if it was a 30 day rehab or something like you guys have in the US.

I am literally so afraid to leave my "nest" and go into complete unknown surroundings. Not going is not an option too because then my life will just be on endless loop until I actually succeed in suicide or just OD. I have tried coming off myself and then re-intergrating into society one too many times... unsuccessfully. I just know I am going to miss my family so much... Maybe it isn't really so bad but for now all the good I can see it does me that I will be 1 year away from any drug.

So please, please BL-ers/Dark-Siders, inject some positive thoughts in me because I am really about to have a nervous breakdown... please. I will be reading your responses just before I go tomorrow morning. Much love out to everyone out there.
 
I feel like I have little to offer you since I have no knowledge of the systems in your country. I don't blame you for feeling scared but remember that not everyone in there is going to be a violent criminal--many will probably be just like you. Try not to project anything and just tell yourself that right in this moment you can let that worry go and breathe very consciously until it passes. Then tell yourself that when and IF something scary happens in rehab, you know that you will deal with it at the time--there is no use dealing with an imagined problem--that just compounds your stress.

Also, tell your parents how scared you feel. perhaps someone has told them that scaring you is for your own good. I don't believe fear is a good motivator. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to try to focus on your own goals to recover from addiction. No matter what is around you there will at least be some support for getting you the space and time necessary to break habits.

As far as the benzo taper goes, maybe you could print out a copy of the Ashton Manual before you go in and bring it with you--also use it to educate your parents.
Develop a couple of mantras to use in your head when you start worrying. They can be simple but they are effective for stopping the looping thoughts. Something like "What can I learn from this?" or "In a year, this will be in my past".
I wish you the best of luck.<3
 
Hey scared shitless and welcome to BL:)

Have to love how drug users and addicts are often treated right:?

Sorry you find yourself in this predicament. You will get through this. Doesn't do any good good to worrie about it. Just keep your head about you when it returns after detox.

When your in the detox, please remember that it really does get better. I detoxed both those at the same time basically CT, I took clonodie for like a week and a half.

Its not going to be fun but you will make it through<3

Just try and let go right now, just acept whats going down and look for some inner confidence, you are doing this and are going to keep it simple and take it as it comes.

You will make it:).
 
Hey SS

some advice which i feel might help in dealing with being emitted in to a facility which you are entering. i am going to use my experiences from my last stay at st.annes hospital in the south coast of the uk. i stayed a period of 3 months after which i was discharged.

the combination of drug misuse, relationship problems and financial worries. the final conclusion was a very serious attempt of my life. after 3 days intensive care and a further 4 days in hospital i was taken to st.annes for further assessment. it was then decided that i would be placed under 28 day periods with a review a week before the 28th day.

i was also very nervous about entering. what are the other patiences going to be like? how will i fit in? what are the staff like? what it will be like sharing a dorm with other people etc the amount of questions racing through my mind was chaotic. for me this mostly cleared up in the first few day. everyone is different i know, try to take in other peoples experiences, i feel they can become educational and not to be directly compared to ones own life ( eg judging ) as could lead to other problems which are not needed while on the road to recovery if at all any time.

there should be some sort of structure about your stay getting put in to place in the first few days. daily, weekly routines. this can vary from place to place. but can include things such as meal times, activities through out the day. weather it be group or individual activities.

please be open minded and perhaps start off with things you might enjoy. as the time goes on you can hopefully change it around to what you have learnt what can help you the most. if your able to exercise do so. many positives are provided from this, group or individual. when it come to activities you have to remember that its not "just" another task to fill in the day. interaction with other patiences, developing/strengthening life skills, having fun. so many positives. i filled in a lot of my time just talking to other patients. but keep your eyes open everyone is there for different reasons and meeting people with various mental health issues can be a little worrying at first, but you have to remember everyone is there for the same reason which is for help. depending on other peoples conditions people might seem strange to interact with at first maybe a little scary. personally i found that in my spare time i learnt a little about various conditions which helped me with my stay. so with that in mind take things with a pinch of salt and not to heart. by just talking and interacting with other people helps them and yourself. but remember your not a dr, so keep the interactions light. your here to fix you!

take it slow one day at a time. use this stay to help understand you.

well i hope you can make some sense from what i have put together. i have never been good with words.

take care,

24hrs2go

i myself will personally have a moment each morning sending positive energy your way.
 
Thanks. These posts really made some difference. Especially the part where you guys said that I shouldn't make problems or worries up before they happen and think about them because thats one of my biggest flaws.

Ashton manual is not an option, I have called there beforehand several times and whenever I told them which medications I am using and how it would be smart to taper and the response I got was something along the lines of: imagine military general voice "You don't direct shit, we know what we are doing" as in "Is that junkie shit really telling us how to do our shit? We got college papers bro!" My parents are fortunately educated about everything and almost as smart as me as I have taken them through the tapering and withdrawal process and explained everything to them, why I need to take this and that etc.

I would also know more about the mantras you talked about, I read about it in Wikipedia and the Buddhist articles were a bit too complicated to comprehend in a few hours. If you care to elaborate, that seems really interesting and possibly very helpful to me whilist in there. I have been interested in meditation but never got to the part of actually doing it.

Thanks neversickanymore and 24hrs2go (your username was exactly what I was thinking about yesterday, 24hrs2go, 23hrs2go, 22hrs2go etc, funny), your posts really helped me too knowing someone else has gone through that shit too. I will be leaving in about 4-5 hours.
 
Well, I wish you well. If there is any time or place while in there to get online and let us know how you are doing, I hope you will.

As far as the 'mantras' go--I was really just trying to get you to think of something that you can use to calm yourself--a short and powerful rational thought that you can throw into your mind when you start spinning into worry.

Also, some last thoughts to take with you. You are not a bad person for being where you are. You made some risky choices--like everyone does when they are young. You are not weak or lacking in character. You are not immoral. You are the same wonderful human being that you were when you arrived into your life. Your life has promise and meaning beyond what you can see right now. Right now, focus all your energies on healing your spirit, healing the negative thoughts that may undermine your recovery. I will be thinking of you.<3
 
where's the location for the treatment? if you feel comfortable in saying that is? eg country

hopefully you might be able to keep us updated on your progress. fingers crossed for that.
 
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