motiv311
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Messages
- 2,584
So I am a 29 year old musician, I have ADD really bad, but i am a good performer and can sing and write music; anyway, I took classical piano as a child, but i had to be forced to play at all, and i never really "enjoyed" it per se, I was a sad and unimpressive hyper active child....
Eventually I started taking my left over adderalls from all the RX's given to me as a hyper child, and between the amphetamines and weed, i felt like I was finally "cured" ... like i could think and make decisions and develope hobbys and a personality and have friends; drugs were the answer. . . Moreover I started playing music obsessively for hours and hours and days and days, piano, guitar, writing, computer everything.... super duper creative and ended up developing my "chops" .... I also developed my drug addiction (this is age 16-17) As high quality meth is readily avaiable here (close the the Mexico border in CA) .... and although kids my age at my school were not really getting that extreme I purposefully sought it out, because of sites like this and erowid, I basically figured it wasn't nearly as horrendus as society and the media makes it out... of course it was incredible and i fell in love with it, and with my music as it blew up like a mushroom of speed induced creativity. . Of course the crash began to become unbearable, and thats when i discovered benzo's and more specifiically opiates and heroin. as a singer songwriter heroin and pain pills is the ultimate, forget amphetamines, speed will ruin a performer on stage, but opiates ohhh sweet bliss! you can fell the music eminating from inside you! Like so many others I was quickly seduced to the dark side of speed and brown powder..... I eventually moved to utah where these items were much less prevelent... and then three years ago I moved back here to socal, and its fucking everywhere, and i love it, but i know it can ruin my music career and my health if i let it... more importantly , i can't afford the shit anymore. Basically without drugs, I don't play music, don't listen to music, im basically a different guy, a sad guy who has nothing to say (forget about singing!) Let me get something straight, Drugs still have appeal, but not really for me; at times it feels more like a "job description" than a nice treat.... Like a hassel, but a neccary part of my musical process, .... Basically in the studio I will smoke a little bit of speed and brown powder , like 3-4 hits of both, and thats all i need to get the whole train moving along.... it i do to much i basically can't sing or play right, and i don't communicate well with my band mates, and i even will get a bit cranky if i have been using to much in general. . When we perform I won't use any speed the day of or even one or two days before the perfomance, because it fucks with the nerves.... when on stage i get a natural burst of energy , infused in my nerves from just being a little nervous, but this is a really important part of any natural performer, the anxiety is GOOD for you, and sometimes speed can fuck that natural adrenaline function up.... So before we play live, its 3-4 hits of the brown powder... Not to much because you will sweat so much you look like a fucking man who just walked out of swimming pool.
Heres my dilemma , question....
I can't afford heroin anymore, and its hard to find legit connects who are stable anyway,, so i've decided to go on methadone like all my friends...mainly because every time i've tried methadone, it gave me a pretty decent high, and mellowed me enough, i think it would do nicely for my purposes (as a relaxant for performing) I'm thinking 80 mg would be a decent enough dose, probably a bit on the high side, but better to go on the higher estimations than the lower in these regards....
and then of course , i will also go see my shrink and get my adderall script filled, because using meth is illegal and bad for the lungs, and i'm a singer..... mainly just need the adderall because with an opiod such as methadone i know it tends to build up in the system and make you majorly sluggish and generally intoxicated.... a half adderall here and there is perfect to counter this....
what do you all think?
Eventually I started taking my left over adderalls from all the RX's given to me as a hyper child, and between the amphetamines and weed, i felt like I was finally "cured" ... like i could think and make decisions and develope hobbys and a personality and have friends; drugs were the answer. . . Moreover I started playing music obsessively for hours and hours and days and days, piano, guitar, writing, computer everything.... super duper creative and ended up developing my "chops" .... I also developed my drug addiction (this is age 16-17) As high quality meth is readily avaiable here (close the the Mexico border in CA) .... and although kids my age at my school were not really getting that extreme I purposefully sought it out, because of sites like this and erowid, I basically figured it wasn't nearly as horrendus as society and the media makes it out... of course it was incredible and i fell in love with it, and with my music as it blew up like a mushroom of speed induced creativity. . Of course the crash began to become unbearable, and thats when i discovered benzo's and more specifiically opiates and heroin. as a singer songwriter heroin and pain pills is the ultimate, forget amphetamines, speed will ruin a performer on stage, but opiates ohhh sweet bliss! you can fell the music eminating from inside you! Like so many others I was quickly seduced to the dark side of speed and brown powder..... I eventually moved to utah where these items were much less prevelent... and then three years ago I moved back here to socal, and its fucking everywhere, and i love it, but i know it can ruin my music career and my health if i let it... more importantly , i can't afford the shit anymore. Basically without drugs, I don't play music, don't listen to music, im basically a different guy, a sad guy who has nothing to say (forget about singing!) Let me get something straight, Drugs still have appeal, but not really for me; at times it feels more like a "job description" than a nice treat.... Like a hassel, but a neccary part of my musical process, .... Basically in the studio I will smoke a little bit of speed and brown powder , like 3-4 hits of both, and thats all i need to get the whole train moving along.... it i do to much i basically can't sing or play right, and i don't communicate well with my band mates, and i even will get a bit cranky if i have been using to much in general. . When we perform I won't use any speed the day of or even one or two days before the perfomance, because it fucks with the nerves.... when on stage i get a natural burst of energy , infused in my nerves from just being a little nervous, but this is a really important part of any natural performer, the anxiety is GOOD for you, and sometimes speed can fuck that natural adrenaline function up.... So before we play live, its 3-4 hits of the brown powder... Not to much because you will sweat so much you look like a fucking man who just walked out of swimming pool.
Heres my dilemma , question....
I can't afford heroin anymore, and its hard to find legit connects who are stable anyway,, so i've decided to go on methadone like all my friends...mainly because every time i've tried methadone, it gave me a pretty decent high, and mellowed me enough, i think it would do nicely for my purposes (as a relaxant for performing) I'm thinking 80 mg would be a decent enough dose, probably a bit on the high side, but better to go on the higher estimations than the lower in these regards....
and then of course , i will also go see my shrink and get my adderall script filled, because using meth is illegal and bad for the lungs, and i'm a singer..... mainly just need the adderall because with an opiod such as methadone i know it tends to build up in the system and make you majorly sluggish and generally intoxicated.... a half adderall here and there is perfect to counter this....
what do you all think?