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Going insane, sub is sitting right there

T

thePodFreak

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
94
I'm not sure what to do. I am terrified to start on suboxone, but im completely out of poppy pods and wont have any more til monday. Im not even 48 hours since my last dose (Thursday Night) and at the time it seemed like a good idea to get rid of any I had left.

I went to the doctor who is trying to get me on 12mg of sub, which to me seems insane, but he had never heard of poppy pods. I want to try and beat this without the sub but I have so many obligations, and NOBODY knows about my habit, not even my wife who lives with me. I go back and forth between feeling ok and feeling incredibly anxious...

Not only that, but I dont think I can even take the sub yet - all I am is sweaty and anxious, no diarrhea, no vomiting yet. God I hate this feeling.

I have a script of clonodine, some valerian root, 5HTP, ton of loperamide, etc...I just want to be free of this disaster, but I dont know WHY I would have chosen now to try and get off of it. The pods are in the mail but have no chance of coming til Monday, at best, Tuesday at the latest.

Im just ranting and kind of freaking out, but if anyone out there has been in this position - especially when its a complete secret, I would love to just talk to you.
 
I've been exactly there. I don't know what to tell you. It's a bitch.

Personally I'm weak. So I'd sniff .5mgs of bupe just to relax and maybe mire after a 30-45 minute wait. It would be super easy to taper off but since pods are in the mail (and you're probably going to use them when they arrive) I'd just treat the symptoms until you have a clear plan to taper and quit.

I haven't done an opiate in 3-4 months, so its totally possible. You can do it. Mods should bump this to TDS and they always got great advice there. Good luck.
 
Well, I got through the physical w/d without even using the bupe...now I have pods coming in the mail today and it is going to take everything in my power to throw them away. The cravings are intense and im trying to work but the stress is ridiculous. I need to stay away from them or it's going to ruin my life.
 
Also, while I do have the pods, so far I have not used them. We will see how long it lasts...but I have goals til at the VERY LEAST next year. That's a long time to have pods sitting, ground up, in the closet waiting to be used...but then again that's the whole goal - if they are easy to obtain, and I resist, I feel like I won. If I relapse....well that sucks, but I wasn't ready then.
 
I actually fucking threw them away. 250 bucks down the drain, but they are gone and I got a rush just from that! It sounds stupid but god damn that was fucking difficult...

Thanks for berating me about keeping them "as a test"...god im fucking retarded.
 
Why stick to the pods that are clearly affecting his life in a negative way? The sub was just recommend to taper and detox with. I think suboxone is the greatest detox drug ever, makes it SO much easier. Just gotta realize that detoxing is the easy part, after that it's all in your head. You can do it man, stay clean and realize how amazing life is without drugs.
 
Can't really understand this north american method of doctors giving out subs like candies, it's a hard core drug, abusable and produces very nasty dependence. In this corner of the world cases like these are treated with lighter opioids such as tramadol and codeine. IME buprenorphine is perhaps even more intoxicating than pod tea, the doctors that was putting OP 12mg a day seems like a lunatic. Considering the length of the OP's habit it's like hitting a fly with a sledgehammer.
 
cook - I know! I was being put on 16mg, not even 12!! Granted he had no idea about pod tea, so he probably assumed the worst. regardless, I have heard of hardcore H users or methadone users only needing 8mg to keep them ok (all anecdotal tho). when I was about to take the bupe (never did) I had cut up an 8mg strip in to 1mg pieces to dose as low as possible and work my way up. But, as I mentioned I was so afraid of P/W I just never took it, and now im almost at day 6 no pods, and even my cravings are gone. it feels amazing, althought im sure cravings will be creepin up on me soon.

All I know is the pods I threw away are literally gone now. the trash truck picked them up about a half hour ago. pretty liberating although I cant help but feel a weird sadness too.

for that, I just bought a quarter of strawberry cough and a quarter of LA Confidential to celebrate the opi deficiency :-D. Disclaimer! - I dont give a fuck if I get "addicted" to pot - I only smoke recreationally and I have been doing so for YEARS with absolutely no neg impact on my life....the pods on the other hand...
 
Mass8 - I agree man, my plan was if I absolutely started again, it wouldnt be with pods but with small amt of sub until it made me feel better. stay on that for a bit and then taper off after the holidays. I made it through the CT w/d with clonodine and clonazepam (and a fuck load of herbs), and lastly all the fucking willpower at my disposal., so fuck both of em!

My main reason to switch to sub is 100% coverage - my insurance is ballin. thats why im like, I wish I had somewhere to donate them to someone who would use it...I might ask the pharmacy if thats an option.
 
I find coming off subs way easier than H. It's a mercy pill (or strip) 24 hrs in to opiate withdrawal or when the pain gets to be too much. The Dr.s tell you to take it whenever you feel withdrawal coming on. DON'T. Just take it when you can't handle the pain from opiate withdrawal anymore. Don't use it as a substitute, that's how they hook you. Look at it as a lifeline to get to the other side of withdrawal and no more than that.
 
thePodFreak said:
All I know is the pods I threw away are literally gone now. the trash truck picked them up about a half hour ago. pretty liberating although I cant help but feel a weird sadness too.
Click to expand...

haha, were you at the scene when the truck picked up your goodies? But really, addiction is more than chemical, it is about forming a relationship to a substance. Therefore it is natural to feel something when giving it up/loosing it, and after all opiate use suppresses all emotions so you haven't felt anything for a while anyway. That's one of the greatest moment after withdrawal when you are starting to feel again. You will feel more alive than ever at least for a while before the possible PAWS kicks in, but you might avoid it considering you have only used for 6 months or so.
 
JB - Honestly I waited so long that the symptoms started to subside...at that point I was like fuck it lets ride it out and give CT a try! Im only day 5 now and it was torture, but could have been way worse. No harm in waiting as long as possible - you will absolutely avoid p/w and you might find the power to push through the worst - who knows? Happened to me!
 
cook said:
haha, were you at the scene when the truck picked up your goodies?
Click to expand...

YES I was and I just about ran down the street to steal them back! At least I felt like I wanted to. However then as soon as it was out of sight I went from total panic to this weird, "wow they're gone" feeling. Best part is my suppier is OUT til next week, so even if I wanted to score, im fucked til next wednesday. A good long week to reflect on everything and have no choice but to avoid cravings (unlike a lot of people on here, I know NO ONE who deals and would be to worried about my family finding out to ask anyone close to me. Its a blessing and a curse - blessing for the good part tho (quitting)!
 
OP, I am very impressed by the responsible decisionmaking that you have shown today, you will not regret this and you and your wife will thank you. Withdrawal symptoms often mimic that of a common flu so just tell your wife that you're sick so that she won't worry, people are often very irritable when WDing and I'm sure that she has not been oblivious to the ups and downs of your opiate addiction, even if you think you've kept the details secret, and there's a strong possibility that she's been on the receiving end of some of your less-than-stellar moments when you're coming down, or high, or in between doses.

In general it is not a good idea to replace one addiction with another (and I definitely think that it would have been idiotic to use buprenorphine for PPT/PST especially at 16mg, that would have locked you in an opioid addict for damn sure if you weren't already) but I can say with a good conscience that you're doing a better thing by sticking to cannabis and their extracts. I personally find extremely potent concentrates such as hashish and my favorite, wax, can often help alleviate drug cravings from a moderate to completely effective degree.

At this point in my life I'm not really interested in abusing drugs recreationally or even taking them therapeutically except when necessary, I just take my prescriptions here and there, not using illegal drugs but occasionally I'll get some craving or desire to do something although they are much milder now than they used to, but even back in the day when I was using much more heavily, some good dabs or hash usually took a lot of those negative psychological symptoms away.

I know it's not totally relevant, but for example tobacco/nicotine/cancersticks, if I get a craving for a cigarette, it's nothing that some wax can't take care of. Back in the day I would smoke a joint too because it's like the same ritual as smoking a cigarette, but I don't need to smoke anymore and nowadays I mostly dab wax which is vaporization of like 80-92% pure (lab tested) thc, so I would think/hope that I'm doing my lungs a favor, or at least doing less damage than ever before, now that I've been able to quit cigarettes and reduce most of the plant material in my cannabis.
 
Tricomb- Thanks a lot, its been a ridiculous road and its only been fucking 6 days. also on the cannabis, I totally agree. I actually just smoked a little a bit ago and its such a relief. im going to try and substitute the clonozepam with some Strawberry cough starting this friday so im not on a benzo for too long - I hate the high anyway, it just makes me retarded drowsy if I take more than recommended. That said the recommended dose has brought my anxiety from a FUCKING TEN to a 2 or less, and with the pot im at virtually zero now.

Any suggested strands for someone who just loves that opi high but never wants to deal with the bullshit of opies again?
 
With the clonazepam, I would advise you slowly taper your dose down instead of skipping doses, benzodiazepines are so deeply intertwined with your mood that it's best not to mess with them, certainly never taking more than you're RX'd, but it's much better to take LESS than you are prescribed. What dose of clonazepam are you taking now? You should try shooting for 1mg or less per day, if at all. I personally have felt much better since I stopped relying on benzodiazepines for my anxiety.

As for strains, probably favor the hybrids or an indica dominant variety, but I don't know if any of them are going to be much like opioids, I wouldn't get your hopes up about that. Everybody's body is different and responds differently to even the same strains, so what works great for me might not work for you, but you can find out what works best for you mostly through trial and error but also if you are in a medical marijuana state, you can get personalized help/recommendations from the dispensary they are always happy to help in this regard.
 
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