10/24/03
This piece is dedicated to my ex coworker David who
Gave himself the nick name Uncle Shitty.
We worked together at a methadone clinic back in 2003.
I sang it on the PA system at work to the song
“If I only had a brain” from The Wizard
Of Oz after he got back from his 2 week vacation.
To Our Dear Uncle Shitty
You’re so non generic and witty
We missed you like hell
Without you it's too quiet
Seems like only you can yell
Whatever traits you possess
Be they good or bad
Your colorful expression
And insanity is rad
When the piles mount
So high you can't count
The shit you can stir
Like no other so demure
I say Watson, Uncle Shitty is half the cure
Oh such a pity
Poor Uncle Shitty may be sad
His vacation is done
Methadonia needs him back
Let's have some fun
When 12:30pm comes
Cocksuckers will run
And no one will bum
A cig, a phone call, a cocktail,
We're done
Uncle Shitty is back
To keep things on track
Nobody gets to run any games
Or get little extra favors
For sorry ass behaviors
Excessive talking, jacking off, nor other fun
Will be tolerated
Come 12:30pm we're done
Welcome back Uncle Shitty
To this fucked up committee
The one and only who can stir
The shit in the pot like no other
As the Methadonians yell, "Yes Sir!"
Welcome back Uncle Shitty!
Welcome back to hell
We can hardly wait to hear ye ole shitty yell,
“ATTENTION METHADONIANS,
THIS IS UNCLE SHITTY
IT’S 12:30, LET’S GO!”
Epilogue
(after I sang this over PA right b4 The Methadonians were let in to begin dosing)
David acknowledges by bending over, sticking out his ass
And making a loud fake noise of shitting.
All coworkers cheer, clap their hands as the front
Desk person Gina yells, “Ready guys?”
Donna, Joe, and I yell, “RELEASE THE METHADONIANS!”
A key is heard turning, and loud Methadonian raucous is heard
Replacing the silence heard just a second before, “Welcome to paradise folks!,” I Yell. Then pausing, I stop and address the Methadonians matter of factly, “Hey you guys what do you call a herd of cattle masturbating?” “What?” one of them inquires. “Beef Stroganoff” I retort
as I’m laughing my ass off and make my way to the dispensing station.
Delayed laughter is heard in the next room and my coworker
Daniel can be heard saying, “You’re a sick puppy, TJ.” “Then
We definitely know I’m working in the right place,” I retort.
The door to dispensing slams shut, “Yo Mikey, yo Jeff come get
Your yummies!,” is heard by all over the intercom, the very familiar voice of yours truly . I am The Goddess Of Methadonia. My work day has begun.
This piece is dedicated to my ex coworker David who
Gave himself the nick name Uncle Shitty.
We worked together at a methadone clinic back in 2003.
I sang it on the PA system at work to the song
“If I only had a brain” from The Wizard
Of Oz after he got back from his 2 week vacation.
To Our Dear Uncle Shitty
You’re so non generic and witty
We missed you like hell
Without you it's too quiet
Seems like only you can yell
Whatever traits you possess
Be they good or bad
Your colorful expression
And insanity is rad
When the piles mount
So high you can't count
The shit you can stir
Like no other so demure
I say Watson, Uncle Shitty is half the cure
Oh such a pity
Poor Uncle Shitty may be sad
His vacation is done
Methadonia needs him back
Let's have some fun
When 12:30pm comes
Cocksuckers will run
And no one will bum
A cig, a phone call, a cocktail,
We're done
Uncle Shitty is back
To keep things on track
Nobody gets to run any games
Or get little extra favors
For sorry ass behaviors
Excessive talking, jacking off, nor other fun
Will be tolerated
Come 12:30pm we're done
Welcome back Uncle Shitty
To this fucked up committee
The one and only who can stir
The shit in the pot like no other
As the Methadonians yell, "Yes Sir!"
Welcome back Uncle Shitty!
Welcome back to hell
We can hardly wait to hear ye ole shitty yell,
“ATTENTION METHADONIANS,
THIS IS UNCLE SHITTY
IT’S 12:30, LET’S GO!”
Epilogue
(after I sang this over PA right b4 The Methadonians were let in to begin dosing)
David acknowledges by bending over, sticking out his ass
And making a loud fake noise of shitting.
All coworkers cheer, clap their hands as the front
Desk person Gina yells, “Ready guys?”
Donna, Joe, and I yell, “RELEASE THE METHADONIANS!”
A key is heard turning, and loud Methadonian raucous is heard
Replacing the silence heard just a second before, “Welcome to paradise folks!,” I Yell. Then pausing, I stop and address the Methadonians matter of factly, “Hey you guys what do you call a herd of cattle masturbating?” “What?” one of them inquires. “Beef Stroganoff” I retort
as I’m laughing my ass off and make my way to the dispensing station.
Delayed laughter is heard in the next room and my coworker
Daniel can be heard saying, “You’re a sick puppy, TJ.” “Then
We definitely know I’m working in the right place,” I retort.
The door to dispensing slams shut, “Yo Mikey, yo Jeff come get
Your yummies!,” is heard by all over the intercom, the very familiar voice of yours truly . I am The Goddess Of Methadonia. My work day has begun.
