God help me

[zarathustra74]

I don't know what to say or how this happened it's a blur. I'm really scared of the withdrawal that's coming, and very suprised Im not psychotic from 6 days of sleep deprivation. My log tells the story, 5mg IR Dexedrine Tabs, my perscription renews on the seventh of each month.
I'm fucked...I don't know if anything will help my addiction..it's too severe, except maybe a couple hundred feet of free-fall.

25mg @ 635p. MAY 7
30mg @ 944p. MAY 7
30mg @ 110a. MAY 8
20mg @ 1050a MAY 8
20mg @ 230p MAY 8
30mg @ 635p MAY 8
30mg @ 1017 MAY 8
35mg @ 2am. MAY 9
25mg @ 530am. May 9
20mg at noon MAY 10
30mg at 3p MAY 10
35mg at 615p MAY 10
40mg at 1015p MAY 10
30mg at 315a MAY 11
30mg at 715a MAY 11
30mg at 845aMAY 12
30mg at 1145aMAY 12
40mg at 4pmMAY 12
45mg at 8pmMAY 12
30mg at 130a May 13
30mg at 715a May 13

I just re-read my post and realized how addicted I actually am: what stops me from actually jumping is the thought of picking up my next refill in June.

What I'm fearing most about withdrawal is how insidious the depression can be. It is so strong that I can't identify it or see that there is even anything "wrong" with my perception of life and myself. My cognition becomes almost totally subjective to the depression, to such a degree that Im not able to challenge it because its reality. Even if I tell myself that the misery is due to withdrawal it doesent quite jive. It is only in hindsight I can see it.
No real point to my post, just expressing thoughts.

I also just discovered I'm missing entrys in my "abuse log" because I should have alot more pills left than I do.

 

[paranoid android]

Ive never experienced amphetamine withdrawal but ive had some nasty comedowns on the stuff. I have gone through alcohol, opiate and mild benzo withdrawal so i know what it's like to be sick as a dog and feeling like your going to go crazy.

All i can say is hang in there man. Ive gone longer then that without opiates and ive managed to make it despite rather heavy habits.

 

[graugeist]

If you have not slept in six days then you are definitely suffering mentally from it; you are just not aware of how badly you are doing. Think of the physical issues that you will have to deal with in the long run because of this. You have an incredibly serious drug problem and you need to tell your parents, trusted friends, or other family members about it so that you can get the help that you need. If you think that you can get out of this yourself or "stop" on your own you are sadly mistaken. Ask for the help while you still can. Your physical and mental health are more important than your pride. I wish the best for you.

 

[versd]

first off, get some sleep. its hard to think rationally in a sleep deprived state. next step is to manage your prescription properly. get a trusted friend or family member to distribute your medication according to the prescription. get into some counseling or therapy to deal with the underlying issues which cause you to abuse your medication. perhaps see a doctor to see if you can try some medication to address your depression and psychological issues

 

[chompy]

what you need is a xanax bar, a few days rest and a good meal

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

ONLY 45mg? honkey please, youre fine. I just quit using 80-120mg a pop each time at least once a week, although that is less IR