We sat up late at night at my kitchen table, eating mozzerella sticks that i had burned, and for the first time since i had met you, you didnt make a joke about the way i cook (or cant, as it may be). We talked for a long time about our past weekend. For as much as i had missed you this weekend, and the last, it was nice to have something to talk about. I knew that you were waiting anxiously all weekend to tell me about it. I didn't mention that this weekend I took down a couple of your pictures... I figured I would just let you keep talking, and laughing. It was good to hear you laugh. Usually when we are alone in this kitchen, one of us ends up in tears, and one of us gets a glass thrown at their head. We broke a lot of dishes in this kitchen, you and I. But there was that one time that I was washing dishes, and you came up behind me and started kissing me, and you put me up on the sink and we made love... it was funny that time when the plate smashed. It wasn't so funny when i threw one at you like a frisbee in frustration, and you called me crazy.
We put in an old movie that we hadn't seen in a long time. And i realized we had finally gotten to that point where we could stop saying "But we just watched that"... it didnt really matter tonight what we watched. It was our night, come what may. And for once, seeing you, i was optimistic about the way this night would end. I didnt think i'd fall asleep to the steady roll of all-too-familiar tears trailing down my cheeks.
We were like 2 little kids tonight, wrestling on the bed for the remote... laughing and making fun of each other. We played Truth or Dare, and for the first time in what seems like an eternity, i got you to admit to things... to tell me the truth. Tonight i put you on my list of "People who can be redeemed" and prayed you would follow that path back to my trusting heart. When I told you i had kissed someone, your smile melted. I think for the first time since we broke up, you got a taste of what it feels like to not be the most important person in my life anymroe (even though i was lying when i said you werent).
We talked... about everything, about nothing. I closed my eyes and i was back in the house on carson st... it was 10:45, and even though we both knew i was going to be late getting home, we made love. and then we just layed there on your bed, silent, thinking, for a long while. just like we were now. i remember looking over at you all those nights and wondering what you were thinking... you would just look at me and smile, and i just... knew, that you were thinking about the wonderfulness of the moment we were in, and somehow feeling it would always be like that. gazing at you now, i wonder if there might still be a small part of you that feels that... but the smile is gone.
I asked you, "Do you ever wish things would have turned out differently?" but as usual, you wont discuss it. what we once had, or were... you have blocked out of your head and your heart. and i am forced to accept that. I dont remember falling asleep, but i remember that in the middle of the night, i woke up to you reaching over me... you grabbed my arm and put it around you. It took me by surprise, and the feeling was so familiar, so ... missed... that my heart almost burst. Holding you like that. Its something i will never forget.
It gave me a glimpse into a past that is not all that distant. A glimpse at two people who once thought the world of each other... who once solemnly swore never to sleep apart. A glimpse of a guy I gave my heart to, who tore it up in little pieces and scattered them into the wind. I will probably spend my whole life chasing after those little pieces, slowly putting back together my broken heart. It will be long, and hard... it will hurt. But i will think back to this night, i will think back and know that you will always keep a part of me with you, no matter how deep you hide it.
I will always think of this day when i eat burnt mozzerella sticks... i will think of you, and i will smile.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"There's a part of me, that i forgot to be. Take a look and see, the light still shines in me." ~~ Milk, Inc.
We put in an old movie that we hadn't seen in a long time. And i realized we had finally gotten to that point where we could stop saying "But we just watched that"... it didnt really matter tonight what we watched. It was our night, come what may. And for once, seeing you, i was optimistic about the way this night would end. I didnt think i'd fall asleep to the steady roll of all-too-familiar tears trailing down my cheeks.
We were like 2 little kids tonight, wrestling on the bed for the remote... laughing and making fun of each other. We played Truth or Dare, and for the first time in what seems like an eternity, i got you to admit to things... to tell me the truth. Tonight i put you on my list of "People who can be redeemed" and prayed you would follow that path back to my trusting heart. When I told you i had kissed someone, your smile melted. I think for the first time since we broke up, you got a taste of what it feels like to not be the most important person in my life anymroe (even though i was lying when i said you werent).
We talked... about everything, about nothing. I closed my eyes and i was back in the house on carson st... it was 10:45, and even though we both knew i was going to be late getting home, we made love. and then we just layed there on your bed, silent, thinking, for a long while. just like we were now. i remember looking over at you all those nights and wondering what you were thinking... you would just look at me and smile, and i just... knew, that you were thinking about the wonderfulness of the moment we were in, and somehow feeling it would always be like that. gazing at you now, i wonder if there might still be a small part of you that feels that... but the smile is gone.
I asked you, "Do you ever wish things would have turned out differently?" but as usual, you wont discuss it. what we once had, or were... you have blocked out of your head and your heart. and i am forced to accept that. I dont remember falling asleep, but i remember that in the middle of the night, i woke up to you reaching over me... you grabbed my arm and put it around you. It took me by surprise, and the feeling was so familiar, so ... missed... that my heart almost burst. Holding you like that. Its something i will never forget.
It gave me a glimpse into a past that is not all that distant. A glimpse at two people who once thought the world of each other... who once solemnly swore never to sleep apart. A glimpse of a guy I gave my heart to, who tore it up in little pieces and scattered them into the wind. I will probably spend my whole life chasing after those little pieces, slowly putting back together my broken heart. It will be long, and hard... it will hurt. But i will think back to this night, i will think back and know that you will always keep a part of me with you, no matter how deep you hide it.
I will always think of this day when i eat burnt mozzerella sticks... i will think of you, and i will smile.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"There's a part of me, that i forgot to be. Take a look and see, the light still shines in me." ~~ Milk, Inc.
