I was 4.5 yrs through college, exactly 1 year away from a degree in something i have no passion for, radio/tv/film. My minor is english, also something i have no passion for. As a matter of fact, the only passion i have is for drugs right now. This is why i gotta stop, and try to fix my mind. I am bi-polar, ADHD and the survival of a suicide attempt 4 years ago. Since then, I have only dove downhill into drugs and wasting my loans and money. I am 6 days clean of marijuana, my DOC, and attempting to get Bi polar meds and get back to "normal". Sorry, not get back to, finally know what it's like to be normal.
Bi polar is a rollercoaster. Takes me high above everything yet brings me to hell. I was so sick of the way things were going, I quit my good job at buffalo wild wings and dropped all my classes. It's time to go home and get rid of this sick part of me. A sick part that wears my pain on my sleeve. I enjoy what most fear, and it's not my true personality.
In truth, i am kind of a pussy. I cry because I cannot take emotions. I sulk and pout because I do not have the confidence and future that attracts women. I know i am good looking. I would have to be to get Brooke, my ex, to even consider dating my fucked up ass. She looked past the drugs and failures and saw a man who loved her.
I am forgetting her because i can't afford to think about the things i've mucked up in the past.
This friday I will return home. 350 miles. I will move in with my mom and try to find a full time job in the middle of nowhere. Typical challenge that I will pass and think nothing of. I am just too hard on myself. I know it's not me, it's my disease. Some things in life just can't be fixed without help, and i'm about to get all the help I can ask for. I will be documenting my recovery from marijuana and getting my life back together.
My goals are as followed.
1. Get treatment for bi polar and see improvements in my happiness, motivation and ability to live my life.
2. To find a good enough job that I can start paying off almost 55 K in student loans I am in debt for.
3. To fix my drug problem and stay off ALL drugs, not just marijuana.
4. To make real friends, instead of drug using buddies who only care if you have bud or not.
5. To find a woman that I can love. Something i've only had once.
to quote bud light, here we go!
Bi polar is a rollercoaster. Takes me high above everything yet brings me to hell. I was so sick of the way things were going, I quit my good job at buffalo wild wings and dropped all my classes. It's time to go home and get rid of this sick part of me. A sick part that wears my pain on my sleeve. I enjoy what most fear, and it's not my true personality.
In truth, i am kind of a pussy. I cry because I cannot take emotions. I sulk and pout because I do not have the confidence and future that attracts women. I know i am good looking. I would have to be to get Brooke, my ex, to even consider dating my fucked up ass. She looked past the drugs and failures and saw a man who loved her.
I am forgetting her because i can't afford to think about the things i've mucked up in the past.
This friday I will return home. 350 miles. I will move in with my mom and try to find a full time job in the middle of nowhere. Typical challenge that I will pass and think nothing of. I am just too hard on myself. I know it's not me, it's my disease. Some things in life just can't be fixed without help, and i'm about to get all the help I can ask for. I will be documenting my recovery from marijuana and getting my life back together.
My goals are as followed.
1. Get treatment for bi polar and see improvements in my happiness, motivation and ability to live my life.
2. To find a good enough job that I can start paying off almost 55 K in student loans I am in debt for.
3. To fix my drug problem and stay off ALL drugs, not just marijuana.
4. To make real friends, instead of drug using buddies who only care if you have bud or not.
5. To find a woman that I can love. Something i've only had once.
to quote bud light, here we go!
