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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

give me words

O

opqr

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 15, 2013
Messages
26
i hate the person i am. i have no ambition to succeed anywhere in life except at scoring drugs. i hate i hate i haaate myself. i have a son who is 3 i dont see anymore. i have a family with all their own problems that still remotely cares for me. i have dogs. they are cool. they make me as happy as i can be without being fucked up. i think about suicide every day. every day. every day i wake up wishing i was dead, and go off in search of a high... any high! dxm, alcohol, dph, weed, gasoline, datura and brugmansia, passionflower... hell ill even drink coffee just to be in some sort of altered state and focus my attention towards that. i cant stay sober because i have no life. every problem that comes my way i want to solve with drugs. i seriously would have killed myself if it werent for me having a damn son. and my damn parents. and shit... i hate everything.
 
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so bitchy lol. i apologize.
i just feel... dark, sad, evil, hateful, mean, pissed, upset, depressed, i want to go out and break shit. cause destruction. i want to fuck shit up.
 
i'm just like you there are a lot of people like us it's the worst kind of addict that they feel like life is completely unacceptable w/o being high ALL THE TIME the only way to change it is to want something different and work for it
 
The substances aren't making you happy so it seems a never-ending quest for something better. Mr flowers is right, you're not alone. Are there other things, like friends, school or job that occupy some of your time to keep your mind busy?
 
T. Calderone and mr flowers are prolly going through more than me in all actuality. i mean there isnt a gauge for shit, but i have plenty of assets.

change is like this gated community i cant gain access to. i try to get in with my pipe and they tell me to drop it at the gate or leave... i always leave with my pipe.

no friends, no school, no job... no life.
 
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You can only get your life together if you lay off the hard core drugs and get clean. After you do this, you will get yourself together and find things that will interest you. What you should understand is that you make your own life and your own choices and if you want a better life for yourself you chase it, it will not come to you so the change has to happen within yourself. <3
 
I'm not trying to be mean but feeling sorry for yourself will not change things also my advice is to read all the stickies here. There are rules here like no triggering etc in order to protect yourself n others. There are other sections for discussing drugs like 'Basic Drug Discussion.' N 'Other Drugs.' This section - The Dark Side (Tds) is for people in recover from addiction, which is why it's not good to glorify drugs besides it may trigger someone who are trying to stay abstinent from those drugs. Does that make sense? It may also hinder you in overcoming your issues with these substances.

We will support you n are glad to help you in any way we can but you have to also help yourself get better n you need to want it more than anything. Putting yourself down is not going to help.

Have you considered getting therapy / counselling to talk through what is going on for you? If you want to taper off the drugs we will be more than willing to support you through it / give you advice / listen n so forth.

Please take care of you n I am sorry if this comes across as blunt.

Evey x
 
I recently quit drugs since my life had become unmanageable while actively using. The way I looked at it was that I knew that my life would not become better while actively using, so my only chance at getting better was to stop using. I don't know how much better my life will get now, but it sure as hell wasn't getting better the other way so this was my only to at least give myself a chance at a better life.
 
Well done, Tommyboy, I haven't quite quit everything yet (still on suboxone) however, I get what you mean entirely. When I was doing codeine I got myself in debt, did not get myself out of it at an earlier point as codeine took my inhibitions away, nearly lost my family over it - so doing drugs has consequences i just needed to iterate this to the OP.
please take care, everyone please n be safe,
Evey xxx
 
Ima try to be an sensitive as I can. The way you're sounding is as though you like being in that slump. Only you can get yourself out. Quit complaining. Start the gym and eating healthy. Think of what you're passionate about(which should be making sure that you're son does not go down this road as well) and make a change for the better. Starting with yourself and maybe helping people like you in the future avoid this life. As for you. You are able to get out of this lifestyle. You just have to WANT to be out.
 
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