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Girlfriend Issues

capEr

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2005
Messages
796
Location
Cape Breton, NS
Hello everyone, first post in a long time... I have a tendency to post quite a tl;dr, so if you can bare with a lengthy read and give me some advice/help, that would be appreciated.

Anyway I'am a 25 year old male. I have had several girlfriends in the past, all which lead to complete heart ache for me in the end. Just this past September I have met "the one". She is beautiful in every way, and I love her and care for her more than any other girl I have ever loved. She means the world to me, and to think of her not in my life makes me cringe.

History with her:

We both live in a small town. We've met a year ago, but never really talked or anything. This past September I got up the nerve to hit her up and we went out a few times and we absolutely hit it off perfect. We became very close very quick and we became inseperable. It was sort of a coincedense, but before we even started talking, we both planned on moving to the same city (Calgary btw). She planned on going there to move with her Dad and I planned on going there for work. I'm very familiar with Calgary and have been there and lived there before. This sparked an uproar of a flame for the two of us. We were absolutely beyond stoked about that whole situation. I moved to Calgary and a week later she came and I met her at the airport. We spent every day in wandering about the city (she was overwhelmed being from our small town). At this point I told her I loved her, and she said the same. It came to a point where my job required me to go up north and work on at a Work Camp, which was fine. I would work 2 weeks on and off for 1 week, and planned on coming back to Calgary to see her on my week off. Everything was going smooth. During my time at the camp, we would skype every night, and one night she said she wasn't getting along with her father or her father's girlfriend, and she said she wanted to go back home. I was fine with that, and I told her that instead of coming to calgary on my week off, I would fly home for it (which was all the way to the other side of Canada to Nova Scotia). So I did, on my week off I would spend $1200 on flights just to be home with her for a week, she meant that much to me.

Christmas has come around, and I ended up getting fired (long story short, i bought a 2nd hand set of luggage that had cocaine residue in it, and drug dogs sniffed it out and I lost my job). So I came back home for christmas. I bought a cheap ticket and came back home Christmas day and we hadn't seen each other in a long time. That moment walking in her door Christmas day was one of the most happiest days of my life, just to be able to see her on our "first" christmas. We exchanged gifts and I have presented her with a very nice promise ring for her. Since Christmas, things were going good until recently...


For the past 3 weeks or so she's become distant... Not really like the way she used to be. I would always get frustrated and would come off as "needy" and "paranoid". She would accuse me of such and I would always mention to her that you're being distant towards me, why? what's wrong? and she would always say "nothing". It stayed like that for a while, she was obviously holding back something from me, but I was just kind of pretending everything was fine. Now last week, I finally had enough, I couldn't deal with the anxiety anymore, so I said to her, "Ok seriously, no more bullshit, what the hell is wrong?" and she said what I'm sure many guys have heard before, one of the most awful sentences a woman can say to a man... "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"..
At this point my whole world had just collapsed. I didn't know what to say, I almost vomited. Then she said, " I would like to take a break, and try and work this out by myself. I promise it is not another guy I swear, I just want some time to work it out and see how I feel." So we agreed, although I felt very doubtful and negative about it, but at that point I was willing to do anything to save it all. We agreed on 2 weeks apart with very minimal conversation, a few txt messages here and there and maybe a phone call every few nights. A few days had passed, and they were hard days to get through, I would sit and literally check my cell phone every 5 minutes. I felt like pulling my hair out just wondering what she is thinking and what she's doing. But it got easier, we texted on the 3rd day and just kind of said Hello, how are you etc...
The 5th day comes and I get a text, and she said, Can I call you? She calls and she seems upset and she says that her feelings have not changed, and that she still feels the same and she can't do it anymore. She said, "It is not you, you are perfect, I could not ask for a better guy in my life, I just don't feel the same". And she had no explination as to why she suddenly started feeling that way. I broke down inside yet again, but this time I kept my cool. We talked for a while and I convinced her that this break was a bad idea, and that I think we should try and work through it together instead of isolating ourselves from each other. She was hesitant, but I broke down again and somewhat begged her (*facepalm*). She eventually said she would be willing to try that, which was kind of a shock to me, because I really thought she was set on just letting it go completely. A sense of joy went over me, knowing that deep down she does still care about our relationship, and is willing to try and work it out together instead..
As of now, it's been a few days. It's been a little weird to me, but a part of me has also kind of "grown apart" from her, but I still love her more than anything (obviously more than she does me). We've talked a little and everything seems alright. No bitter feelings, no accusations, no blaming, just general fun talk like we did when we first started dating. We keep our distance and have a lot more time with ourselves and talk not as often. We don't say I love you to each other and we don't use pet names to show affection like we used to (babe, love, handsome etc..).
Basically we sort of agreed to kind of "start fresh" sort of speak. We are going to go out thursday night on a date, were going to go to a pool hall where we used to go a few times in the past and maybe have a drink or 2 and go out for dinner. This date coming up has gotten my nerves shot. I feel so nervous, I feel like this is going to be a make or break situation...

So here are my questions for you guys and gals to help me out... some advice would be nice too..

Is it actually over? Are we just prolonging the inevitable ?

Can she actually bring back old feelings for me? Is it really possible? Does the fact that she is actually down to go along with this plan any indication that it is possible?

Why did she fall out of love with me so fast? Literally, go from being so in love to this in a month?

What should I do this thursday? I want to try and avoid old conversations and bring up anything from the past, but at the same time I want to maintain the fact that we have been together in the past, but at the same time keep things fresh and cool. Kind of like a first date all over again.

I feel nervous and still heartbroken even though technically we are still "together". We're on a different page at this point, but if it takes for me to cool down and try and work it out this way, I will suffer the little bit of pain now to hopefully bring back my beautiful girl :(
 
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Hey man damn I'm going through the same exact thing your going through. Girls can sure make us pull our hair out sometimes. Our situations differ somewhat but yeah my girl suddenly got just like that recently out of nowhere the last month. Of course we don't really know whats going on in their head but ill try and share some of my thoughts. It could be any number of things. Maybe that promise ring started it all. It could have scared her how serious it felt. Maybe it was something you said or did. something you didn't do. Pushed her insecurity buttons. Like she thinks shes not good enough for you etc. Maybe its the aliment of the stars lol or the changing times. You will make yourself crazy thinking about it. I'm sure you replay everything you've done or said to her trying to figure out what you did wrong. I really doubt someone would stop loving you just like that. I know i couldn't. Thats how i felt after my girl just dropped me. Of course she couldn't tell me the real reason. I pleaded too. wrote my heart out to her. Explain everything your feeling to her. So what if it makes you feel vulnerable. I felt like idiot. I did it anyways. At least she knows whats going on inside me.

We have talked on the phone and things still seem ok. But no more pet names. We just don't talk like we use to. Things have changed i can feel it. I dont let it bother me though. I know when i see her again things we be right again. Maybe your date will make things right again. I hope mine will too. Dont think your prolonging the inevitable. Cant think like that. She will come around again. Just give her time to sort out her head. Dont be too pushy or demanding. Love takes time. Just try and start new with conversation i guess. Not why you did this and why that. Unless you two feel comfortable discussing that in a mature way . Think of the things you two shared together like jokes or stories or the good love making. I cant say too much because i haven't actually gotten to that point yet. Old feelings will come back. You two shared intimate time together. You cant just forget that.

I think if its true love everything will work out. If its meant to be she will come back. And you know what if she doesn't then oh well shes not the one. I know its hard to give her up though. Cant give up! Sometimes you just have to chalk it up as a lost though. Move on but at the same time try and see the bigger picture. What lessons have you learned. What did your time together teach you. Everything happens for a reason. Love hurts.

Well i hope that helps you somewhat. Just though id share some thoughts. These dang girls i swear :-)
 
Broski, I fthe feelings are gone the last thing you want to do (especially after the fiasco you just reported) is try and rekindle them.
 
Can she actually bring back old feelings for me? Is it really possible? Does the fact that she is actually down to go along with this plan any indication that it is possible?

Why did she fall out of love with me so fast? Literally, go from being so in love to this in a month?

What should I do this thursday? I want to try and avoid old conversations and bring up anything from the past, but at the same time I want to maintain the fact that we have been together in the past, but at the same time keep things fresh and cool. Kind of like a first date all over again.

I feel nervous and still heartbroken even though technically we are still "together". We're on a different page at this point, but if it takes for me to cool down and try and work it out this way, I will suffer the little bit of pain now to hopefully bring back my beautiful girl :(


no you cant bring back old feelings, you cant force love ;) but you can allow it. attempting to force her feelings, and yours, questions can remain on both parts. questions that can only be answered over time with patience.

personally, that stupid Don Henley song, hehe, Forgiveness, helped me snap out of it, in a great way. hearing 'forgiveness even if you dont love me anymore' helped me to find the most important kind, what she needs first her self, self love. IDK, hearing that line, "even if you dont" i guess i had to make real with that and seriously start evaluating my life(uh oh). but, while doing so, i then had to ask myself why should she love me still?

allow her to find that, and you will too, and who knows how from where?!

but, thats the part which helps one get over time, faith in acceptance of what can probably be handled best with patience.


:)
 
Hey capEr alot of guys have been thru what you have been I had a beautiful girlfriend it was the same situation except it lasted longer like I was at a new school and sooner or later one of the hottest girls there was obsessed with me I kept her waiting and eventually asked her out we went out had fun and enjoyed ourselves. But soon enough after 4 month of nothing but pure happiness she was quiet and 1 day well a couple days after our 4 months in school at break 1 day she found me And I hugged her and said what's wrong she said she was happy but didn't know how to express it anymore and it got me thinking did I get her something cause on our 4 months she gave me 100$ to get whatever I wanted I got her a flower and some ring my friend got for me a knock off it looked real I didnt have much money and she said she liked it I thought it was me caring for her and she was uncomfortable. Then she told me let's take a break I agreed I didnt want to force anything on her and then 4 days later of not hearing anything she text me and said she loved me I said I know you do and I do too but she finally told me not IN love and that killed me inside I liked her cared about her and I found out after she abused ecstasy coke weed and she acted all big shot til she snorted some ketamine and drank which was brutal on her end once I found out I snapped and all of sudden didn't care the girl I knew was gone a skinny clear beautiful face destroyed her weight her BMI is high even now I think back and say what happened to begin with I cared about her then something happened which I do not know I miss those days and think of my life what it would of been of with her but it's ruined something I will never have but hey you still have a chance try and do your best man
 
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