capEr
Bluelighter
Hello everyone, first post in a long time... I have a tendency to post quite a tl;dr, so if you can bare with a lengthy read and give me some advice/help, that would be appreciated.
Anyway I'am a 25 year old male. I have had several girlfriends in the past, all which lead to complete heart ache for me in the end. Just this past September I have met "the one". She is beautiful in every way, and I love her and care for her more than any other girl I have ever loved. She means the world to me, and to think of her not in my life makes me cringe.
History with her:
We both live in a small town. We've met a year ago, but never really talked or anything. This past September I got up the nerve to hit her up and we went out a few times and we absolutely hit it off perfect. We became very close very quick and we became inseperable. It was sort of a coincedense, but before we even started talking, we both planned on moving to the same city (Calgary btw). She planned on going there to move with her Dad and I planned on going there for work. I'm very familiar with Calgary and have been there and lived there before. This sparked an uproar of a flame for the two of us. We were absolutely beyond stoked about that whole situation. I moved to Calgary and a week later she came and I met her at the airport. We spent every day in wandering about the city (she was overwhelmed being from our small town). At this point I told her I loved her, and she said the same. It came to a point where my job required me to go up north and work on at a Work Camp, which was fine. I would work 2 weeks on and off for 1 week, and planned on coming back to Calgary to see her on my week off. Everything was going smooth. During my time at the camp, we would skype every night, and one night she said she wasn't getting along with her father or her father's girlfriend, and she said she wanted to go back home. I was fine with that, and I told her that instead of coming to calgary on my week off, I would fly home for it (which was all the way to the other side of Canada to Nova Scotia). So I did, on my week off I would spend $1200 on flights just to be home with her for a week, she meant that much to me.
Christmas has come around, and I ended up getting fired (long story short, i bought a 2nd hand set of luggage that had cocaine residue in it, and drug dogs sniffed it out and I lost my job). So I came back home for christmas. I bought a cheap ticket and came back home Christmas day and we hadn't seen each other in a long time. That moment walking in her door Christmas day was one of the most happiest days of my life, just to be able to see her on our "first" christmas. We exchanged gifts and I have presented her with a very nice promise ring for her. Since Christmas, things were going good until recently...
For the past 3 weeks or so she's become distant... Not really like the way she used to be. I would always get frustrated and would come off as "needy" and "paranoid". She would accuse me of such and I would always mention to her that you're being distant towards me, why? what's wrong? and she would always say "nothing". It stayed like that for a while, she was obviously holding back something from me, but I was just kind of pretending everything was fine. Now last week, I finally had enough, I couldn't deal with the anxiety anymore, so I said to her, "Ok seriously, no more bullshit, what the hell is wrong?" and she said what I'm sure many guys have heard before, one of the most awful sentences a woman can say to a man... "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"..
At this point my whole world had just collapsed. I didn't know what to say, I almost vomited. Then she said, " I would like to take a break, and try and work this out by myself. I promise it is not another guy I swear, I just want some time to work it out and see how I feel." So we agreed, although I felt very doubtful and negative about it, but at that point I was willing to do anything to save it all. We agreed on 2 weeks apart with very minimal conversation, a few txt messages here and there and maybe a phone call every few nights. A few days had passed, and they were hard days to get through, I would sit and literally check my cell phone every 5 minutes. I felt like pulling my hair out just wondering what she is thinking and what she's doing. But it got easier, we texted on the 3rd day and just kind of said Hello, how are you etc...
The 5th day comes and I get a text, and she said, Can I call you? She calls and she seems upset and she says that her feelings have not changed, and that she still feels the same and she can't do it anymore. She said, "It is not you, you are perfect, I could not ask for a better guy in my life, I just don't feel the same". And she had no explination as to why she suddenly started feeling that way. I broke down inside yet again, but this time I kept my cool. We talked for a while and I convinced her that this break was a bad idea, and that I think we should try and work through it together instead of isolating ourselves from each other. She was hesitant, but I broke down again and somewhat begged her (*facepalm*). She eventually said she would be willing to try that, which was kind of a shock to me, because I really thought she was set on just letting it go completely. A sense of joy went over me, knowing that deep down she does still care about our relationship, and is willing to try and work it out together instead..
As of now, it's been a few days. It's been a little weird to me, but a part of me has also kind of "grown apart" from her, but I still love her more than anything (obviously more than she does me). We've talked a little and everything seems alright. No bitter feelings, no accusations, no blaming, just general fun talk like we did when we first started dating. We keep our distance and have a lot more time with ourselves and talk not as often. We don't say I love you to each other and we don't use pet names to show affection like we used to (babe, love, handsome etc..).
Basically we sort of agreed to kind of "start fresh" sort of speak. We are going to go out thursday night on a date, were going to go to a pool hall where we used to go a few times in the past and maybe have a drink or 2 and go out for dinner. This date coming up has gotten my nerves shot. I feel so nervous, I feel like this is going to be a make or break situation...
So here are my questions for you guys and gals to help me out... some advice would be nice too..
Is it actually over? Are we just prolonging the inevitable ?
Can she actually bring back old feelings for me? Is it really possible? Does the fact that she is actually down to go along with this plan any indication that it is possible?
Why did she fall out of love with me so fast? Literally, go from being so in love to this in a month?
What should I do this thursday? I want to try and avoid old conversations and bring up anything from the past, but at the same time I want to maintain the fact that we have been together in the past, but at the same time keep things fresh and cool. Kind of like a first date all over again.
I feel nervous and still heartbroken even though technically we are still "together". We're on a different page at this point, but if it takes for me to cool down and try and work it out this way, I will suffer the little bit of pain now to hopefully bring back my beautiful girl
Anyway I'am a 25 year old male. I have had several girlfriends in the past, all which lead to complete heart ache for me in the end. Just this past September I have met "the one". She is beautiful in every way, and I love her and care for her more than any other girl I have ever loved. She means the world to me, and to think of her not in my life makes me cringe.
History with her:
We both live in a small town. We've met a year ago, but never really talked or anything. This past September I got up the nerve to hit her up and we went out a few times and we absolutely hit it off perfect. We became very close very quick and we became inseperable. It was sort of a coincedense, but before we even started talking, we both planned on moving to the same city (Calgary btw). She planned on going there to move with her Dad and I planned on going there for work. I'm very familiar with Calgary and have been there and lived there before. This sparked an uproar of a flame for the two of us. We were absolutely beyond stoked about that whole situation. I moved to Calgary and a week later she came and I met her at the airport. We spent every day in wandering about the city (she was overwhelmed being from our small town). At this point I told her I loved her, and she said the same. It came to a point where my job required me to go up north and work on at a Work Camp, which was fine. I would work 2 weeks on and off for 1 week, and planned on coming back to Calgary to see her on my week off. Everything was going smooth. During my time at the camp, we would skype every night, and one night she said she wasn't getting along with her father or her father's girlfriend, and she said she wanted to go back home. I was fine with that, and I told her that instead of coming to calgary on my week off, I would fly home for it (which was all the way to the other side of Canada to Nova Scotia). So I did, on my week off I would spend $1200 on flights just to be home with her for a week, she meant that much to me.
Christmas has come around, and I ended up getting fired (long story short, i bought a 2nd hand set of luggage that had cocaine residue in it, and drug dogs sniffed it out and I lost my job). So I came back home for christmas. I bought a cheap ticket and came back home Christmas day and we hadn't seen each other in a long time. That moment walking in her door Christmas day was one of the most happiest days of my life, just to be able to see her on our "first" christmas. We exchanged gifts and I have presented her with a very nice promise ring for her. Since Christmas, things were going good until recently...
For the past 3 weeks or so she's become distant... Not really like the way she used to be. I would always get frustrated and would come off as "needy" and "paranoid". She would accuse me of such and I would always mention to her that you're being distant towards me, why? what's wrong? and she would always say "nothing". It stayed like that for a while, she was obviously holding back something from me, but I was just kind of pretending everything was fine. Now last week, I finally had enough, I couldn't deal with the anxiety anymore, so I said to her, "Ok seriously, no more bullshit, what the hell is wrong?" and she said what I'm sure many guys have heard before, one of the most awful sentences a woman can say to a man... "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"..
At this point my whole world had just collapsed. I didn't know what to say, I almost vomited. Then she said, " I would like to take a break, and try and work this out by myself. I promise it is not another guy I swear, I just want some time to work it out and see how I feel." So we agreed, although I felt very doubtful and negative about it, but at that point I was willing to do anything to save it all. We agreed on 2 weeks apart with very minimal conversation, a few txt messages here and there and maybe a phone call every few nights. A few days had passed, and they were hard days to get through, I would sit and literally check my cell phone every 5 minutes. I felt like pulling my hair out just wondering what she is thinking and what she's doing. But it got easier, we texted on the 3rd day and just kind of said Hello, how are you etc...
The 5th day comes and I get a text, and she said, Can I call you? She calls and she seems upset and she says that her feelings have not changed, and that she still feels the same and she can't do it anymore. She said, "It is not you, you are perfect, I could not ask for a better guy in my life, I just don't feel the same". And she had no explination as to why she suddenly started feeling that way. I broke down inside yet again, but this time I kept my cool. We talked for a while and I convinced her that this break was a bad idea, and that I think we should try and work through it together instead of isolating ourselves from each other. She was hesitant, but I broke down again and somewhat begged her (*facepalm*). She eventually said she would be willing to try that, which was kind of a shock to me, because I really thought she was set on just letting it go completely. A sense of joy went over me, knowing that deep down she does still care about our relationship, and is willing to try and work it out together instead..
As of now, it's been a few days. It's been a little weird to me, but a part of me has also kind of "grown apart" from her, but I still love her more than anything (obviously more than she does me). We've talked a little and everything seems alright. No bitter feelings, no accusations, no blaming, just general fun talk like we did when we first started dating. We keep our distance and have a lot more time with ourselves and talk not as often. We don't say I love you to each other and we don't use pet names to show affection like we used to (babe, love, handsome etc..).
Basically we sort of agreed to kind of "start fresh" sort of speak. We are going to go out thursday night on a date, were going to go to a pool hall where we used to go a few times in the past and maybe have a drink or 2 and go out for dinner. This date coming up has gotten my nerves shot. I feel so nervous, I feel like this is going to be a make or break situation...
So here are my questions for you guys and gals to help me out... some advice would be nice too..
Is it actually over? Are we just prolonging the inevitable ?
Can she actually bring back old feelings for me? Is it really possible? Does the fact that she is actually down to go along with this plan any indication that it is possible?
Why did she fall out of love with me so fast? Literally, go from being so in love to this in a month?
What should I do this thursday? I want to try and avoid old conversations and bring up anything from the past, but at the same time I want to maintain the fact that we have been together in the past, but at the same time keep things fresh and cool. Kind of like a first date all over again.
I feel nervous and still heartbroken even though technically we are still "together". We're on a different page at this point, but if it takes for me to cool down and try and work it out this way, I will suffer the little bit of pain now to hopefully bring back my beautiful girl

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