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Girlfriend can't climax

Chemical Samile

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 20, 2010
Messages
350
So I've been seeing this girl for the past couple of months. Everything seems to be going well but she told me recently that she’s never had an orgasm. Not just that I've never made her cum, she has never had one. Ever. She's 22 and including me she's only slept with 4 people and not once has she had an orgasm. Perturbed (and curious) I asked if the problem was simply the inability to cum with a partner and could she achieve climax through masturbation, but she apparently doesn't masturbate. It's odd, we fuck all the time, she initiates it a fair amount of the time, she gets wetter than any other girl I've been with - yet she cannot climax.

She doesn't seem too fussed by this, whereas I'm pretty gutted about it. Like most guys, one of the biggest turn-on's for me is watching my girl get off. I mean she gets into it and definitely enjoys it but to me it's pretty upsetting knowing that I'm not going to be able to push her over the edge...

Does anyone have any ideas what I can do here? Could the situation potentially be that no-one had pushed the right buttons yet and with some perseverance an orgasm is indeed possible? Or is this a lost cause as there are in fact some women out there who simply cannot climax?
 
I think it is medically possible that a woman might have the inability to orgasm. Really, get off BL and try to find out some real research in this area. I have read a few instances of women who had never had orgasm finally get there through sensual massage. I've never had one but it sounds extra nice.

I can't really imagine not knowing what that feels like.

I feel bad for her actually... I hope you two find out and are able to repair the problem. I suppose she isn't too upset because she does not know what she is missing? At 22?

Do some real research, find out if there is anything you can do, and maybe you'll be the hero in this thread.
 
Thanks Ugly.

Yeah, I will be doing some real research into it, but I thought my first port of call would be asking the knowledgeable folk from SLR.

At the moment I’m guessing it's some sort of mental hang up. She does seem fairly conservative in some regards when it comes to sex. So perhaps she has/had some reservations about sex and cannot relax enough to climax with another person? And given that she doesn't masturbate she hasn't had the chance to cum solo and so doesn't know how to mentally let go and orgasm? That's my take on it at the moment, but I could be way off - I'm not a girl and female orgasms appear to be a mystery to me ;)

Hopefully I will be the hero in this thread - if hero means she can finally bust a nut, so to speak ;)
 
My girlfriend of 11 months can not orgasm through sex (or hasn't so far). She can while masturbating but it takes 30+ minutes every time (and frequently up to an hour). I used to be really muffed by it, I felt like I wasn't doing something right but I'm fine with it now and I'm thinking that with multiple hours of work we'll be able to get there if we want to. She has masturbated in my presence and it's harder to come so part of it is definitely mental.
 
CS I am totally feeling you now that you pointed out masturbation. I did not think there were any people who did not do that. I am aware of people getting caught and flogged for it, in certain situations. If a little girl touches her vagina in front of anyone, there are loads of people who will tell her to stop and that it's nasty.

It is criminal, really, when you think about it. 22 and never masturbated. Like even by accident? Like orgasm dreams? I'm stoned like a biblical whore at this moment so I can't get my head understand what it would be like to never have touched my own fun parts, checked them in the mirror, ESPECIALLY when hair starts to come in OMG.... checked it every day. (I had loads of trouble with bitches teasing me in the showers after PE because I'm a redhead. I was VERY VERY nervous the first time I had sex in light. Everything went fine but still... people can truly mess up another person's whole trip with just a few words.
 
ORAL SEX!!!!!! I cannot stress this enough. My ex-fiance had never orgasmed until experiencing oral sex. I read somewhere most women can't have an orgasm from straight intercourse. Sorry cannot find source =/
 
^
This is one reason why I think she may be somewhat conservative when it comes to sex, despite wanting to bang all the time. When we first got together she wouldn't let me go down on her at all. She said she didn't like it and said the thought of kissing after the act, covered in juices, was a major turn-off.

I do think she is relaxing to some degree though as she has begun to feel comfortable enough for oral sex. But it seems to only last for a few minutes before she's pulling me up so we can fuck so I'm not sure if she's totally into it yet? Still, it's slowly progressing. And progress is fun :)
 
She is obviously not very sexually experienced. It takes most woman twice as long if not longer to reach orgasm through direct intercourse than it does a man. Some women are not able to ever reach orgasm with a man. You say she doesn't masturbate, well then she may never learn much about her own body. You should encourage her to do it. If she truly isn't concerned then maybe you shouldn't be either but, if it is important you could try delaying your own orgasm so that she has time to catch up. I also advise lots of foreplay so that she is fully aroused. Just being wet and acting as if she's turned on doesn't mean she is.
 
you know I was gonna come in here and say something snarky like "send her to my address" but id agree with the other posters.
 
Perturbed (and curious) I asked if the problem was simply the inability to cum with a partner and could she achieve climax through masturbation, but she apparently doesn't masturbate.

Yikes! But that's exactly what I would expect from a woman who is unable to climax, that she very rarely or never masturbates. The women I have been with who can reach climax easily always felt very comfortable with themselves, they masturbated, and they knew exactly what could get them off.

I've been with a girl who could not reach climax, and I understand just how frustrating that can be. I wish that I had some better advice for you than this, but maybe you can encourage her to masturbate more often ? It might be tough, though, being that she's twenty-two years old. I mean, this is something that many of us have figured out when we were much younger.

Hmmm... I've got to run, but I'm going to think more about this and reply with a more thoughtful post later.
 
CS, if this girl is not everything you are looking for in other departments, and the sexual part of relationships is important to you, you should move on. You might be able to give her her first orgasm, but the odds don't favor it. No sense in making a project out of this girl unless you can't live without her. Chances are the sex will never be great.
 
It takes time for someone to grow into thier sexuality. How exactly is sex initiated? I suggest trying to set the mood with alot of for play. learn some erotic massage techniques. Lay her on the bed and "worship" her body. make her feel like the sexiest woman alive. When you massage her, giver her a lot of direct clit stimulation. Try to "introduce" her to the sensation. If she sees it feels good, she might be more inclined to go exploring herself.

How does she feel about porn? Maybe get some soft porn that has lots of up close oral and see if that gets her in the mood. Sometimes seeing how much fun another person is having will make you want to get the same experience.

I remember enjoying sex and then having a small climax. Then one day my partner pulled out some new oral tricks and OMG...I discovered that I'm a squirter;)
 
just by a f___ing MAGIC WAND.. and if you don't know abuot Magic Wand... you need to google it

and if she fights it too much, just tie her up, she will be thankful AFTER
 
I am almost willing to guarantee this is a psychological issue that she is having. The female orgasm is a lot of mind over matter. There is a physical element as well but inability to orgasm is largely a psychological problem. She could be self conscious about the way her body looks or smells. She could also feel the pressure of not being able to orgasm, if she's thinking "why can't I orgasm, I should be orgasming, this feels good" then she's going to psyche herself out and it won't happen. Patience is key on your part.

You should encourage her to get to know her body and to masturbate. It's highly unlikely that you will be able to get her off if she doesn't even know what gets her off. She has to learn her body before you ever can.

You mentioned that she does have a sex drive and does get very wet, I believe that's mainly because sex for the majority of women is about the intimacy rather than the O. We want to feel close to our men rather than having an exclusively feel good experience. A man touching me, kissing me, and holding me actually feels better to me than an orgasm.
 
I can't reach the big O when I'm drunk. I want to...but it's like I want to so bad that I think about it too much then it just doesn't happen
 
She might just need a lot of clitoral stimulation. I have a really really hard time cuming as well. I cant if there's no clitoral stimulation.
Sucks but what are you gonna do. Practice makes perfect. Also I agree with the other post about a lot of it being mental. If my head is elsewhere
I'm probably not gonna cum. Does she have any insecurities about her body? Cause I can pretend to be totally into the sex and be freaking out
mentally lol about all kinds of shit including my body.
 
Just starting off, I just got done with work, so I don't have the patience to sit and read the other posts. So I apologize in advance for repeating myself.

I hate starting a post like this, because I sound self righteous but it seems appropriate here.

I'm a woman and I have had this problem. I've had my share of partners, not anything like 10 15 people, but a few, and none have made me cum till my husband. It's not their fault, most of the time its not a guys fault.

My advice, a girl, if she has never been with "herself": she usually needs to be sexually comfortable with her own body till she can give herself up to you. There are three ways that a chick can cum, vaginally, clitoral stimulation, and mentally.

Mentally I say, is because just like some guys have seen that being touched in the right way can make the "sparks" fly

There are a few places that if rubbed the right way inside her will make her go "ka-splugy" but sometimes this doesn't work, nerves in the wrong places, mental blockage, or she just isn't wired this way.

And then the clitoris. 80k never endings made purely for sex. And no matter how you rub it it sends signals to her brain, to make her hot and bothered. Some women can only have the rubbed the very specific way that lets her build up (like a man) to orgasm. But if you don't rub the right way, or she doesn't feel right about it, it most likely won't happen.

Rule of thumb:
A man thinks with his dick:
if a woman comes on to him, even if he's devoted to the woman he's in love with, he cannot stop himself from cheating.

You have to fuck a woman in her mind, before the button comes undone:
Most women that cheat will be "in love" with the man before she climbs into bed with him.

So if your woman's mind is comfortable with:
money
work
how she looks
the situation
time
who you are
...
ect.

She most likely won't cum
She has to be completely a peace with everything for her to let go and orgasm.

Oh btw there are exceptions to these rules ^ because not everyone is the same, but they work a good amount of the time.

I hope this wasn't useless.
 
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