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Mental Health Girl - troubled feelings

I used to womanize like crazy. It was part of my OCD. However, it was the loneliest time of my life.

A good foundation is what comes from slowly getting to know someone.

When I met my ex I was still in my womanizing phase. There was something about her...she told me no. I wasn't used to hearing that and I was instantly intrigued. We began dating. During our relationship she did some fucked up stuff, I got angry and withdrawn and it blew up in my face which caused a lot of problems. I still really have a hard time dating and connecting with women because the idea of what happened with my ex is always on the table.

I do go on a few dates a year just to dust off the cobwebs, but thats all they are is dates, no real connection because I am too fearful to actually open myself up, or put anything more than the bare minimum out there.

Don't end up like this.
 
manboychef said:
I used to womanize like crazy. It was part of my OCD. However, it was the loneliest time of my life.

A good foundation is what comes from slowly getting to know someone.

When I met my ex I was still in my womanizing phase. There was something about her...she told me no. I wasn't used to hearing that and I was instantly intrigued. We began dating. During our relationship she did some fucked up stuff, I got angry and withdrawn and it blew up in my face which caused a lot of problems. I still really have a hard time dating and connecting with women because the idea of what happened with my ex is always on the table.

I do go on a few dates a year just to dust off the cobwebs, but thats all they are is dates, no real connection because I am too fearful to actually open myself up, or put anything more than the bare minimum out there.

Don't end up like this.
Click to expand...


Do you mind sharing what the fucked up thing was that lead to you finding it hard to connect with other women?
 
cheating, stealing, lying, calling the cops on me and nearly getting me arrested for domestic battery (unfounded and later dropped) however she was able to take a restraining order out for her and my son as well as a no contact order. I had sheriffs and CPS workers showing up at my house....In my small community I went from being the helpful guy to being a pariah. In court she lied and got full custody. There is no defense for a man that has been abused by the system. That is always in the forefront of my mind when I date "How far will this girl go to get what she wants?"

I have a magnetic personality and I am considered handsome. But I am a wreck inside because of these things. I don't want to go back to womanizing because it was so lonely, and I have yet to find someone that understands me.,
 
No. I try calling quite a bit, I write a lot of letters to him. It really is painful and has kinda put me in a place. I used to be a crazy womanizer. Different woman every week. It actually was part of my compulsive nature...I guess maybe I should look at this as my punishment.
 
I'm not really sure what self acceptance means for me though.
That could mean I accept that I don't make connections with people.
It could mean I accept I get depressed and that a relationship is something that is unlikely.
Or it could mean something else like I allow myself to connect with other people though naturally I don't want to try
and to really do so might involve me sharing more than would be typical of a conversation.
 
Hey mate, this post contains some tough love so be ready :) I would like to suggest that time will definitely heal this wound. Yeah, at the time, it sucks when feelings arise about a person in your past and you just wish it could have ended in a delightful relationship. It can even feel like being dumped, especially if you blame yourself for screwing it up somehow. Especially since you experienced this while tripping, you’re in the aftermath of some very powerful emotions as far as I can tell. This will pass. May I also remind you that even if you and this lady got along super well and had the best thing going back then, it must have ended for a reason…? This is a feeling surely everyone has to deal with at times.


Don’t beat yourself up about it, pick yourself up (I recommend for starters having a good wank) and get on with your life! I was at a gig the other day and at most given times there were at least 6 apparently single ladies in my immediate vicinity (and dozens more in the venue). Yes that’s right, 6 women within three metres who have the same music taste as me, available for pursuit of either romance, friendship, or networking to meet their friends. How much easier can it get! Finally, I am single and have few friends, and have been that way for many years. It’s how I like it. I don’t like how you sounded in that last post, for goodness sake, stop telling yourself you’re depressed and worrying if there’s something wrong with you. Be yourself and enjoy being alive!
 
hatfish said:
Hey mate, this post contains some tough love so be ready :) I would like to suggest that time will definitely heal this wound. Yeah, at the time, it sucks when feelings arise about a person in your past and you just wish it could have ended in a delightful relationship. It can even feel like being dumped, especially if you blame yourself for screwing it up somehow. Especially since you experienced this while tripping, you’re in the aftermath of some very powerful emotions as far as I can tell. This will pass. May I also remind you that even if you and this lady got along super well and had the best thing going back then, it must have ended for a reason…? This is a feeling surely everyone has to deal with at times.


Don’t beat yourself up about it, pick yourself up (I recommend for starters having a good wank) and get on with your life! I was at a gig the other day and at most given times there were at least 6 apparently single ladies in my immediate vicinity (and dozens more in the venue). Yes that’s right, 6 women within three metres who have the same music taste as me, available for pursuit of either romance, friendship, or networking to meet their friends. How much easier can it get! Finally, I am single and have few friends, and have been that way for many years. It’s how I like it. I don’t like how you sounded in that last post, for goodness sake, stop telling yourself you’re depressed and worrying if there’s something wrong with you. Be yourself and enjoy being alive!
Click to expand...

I like the cut of your jibe man!

Same advice I was giving, but in a different way. Poor me Poor me is just going to leave you feeling piss poor inside...and nobody wants that.
 
manboychef said:
I like the cut of your jibe man!

Same advice I was giving, but in a different way. Poor me Poor me is just going to leave you feeling piss poor inside...and nobody wants that.
Click to expand...

Cheers :) Yeah I figured it couldn't hurt for our mate Greg to hear it one more time! Also I too am sorry to hear how your life was rocked by a relationship gone wrong. I can relate to your feeling of not wanting to fall into the same trap once again, although for different reasons. Maybe some day I'll meet a person who I want to fit into my life, til that day comes (or doesn't) I'm very happy to keep on doing it my way, just being the person I want to be (as much as possible, anyway hehe).
 
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