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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings episode 0x000000c7(?) -- Party like it's 199!

Fackin ell, was i lucky this morning, I didn't sleep thurs night + must have taken too much etiz last night, but i did that still benzoed when the alarms go off thing, of turning them off and going back to bed and swiftly back to sleep. :| Luckily i woke up again about 45 minutes later at the time im usually leaving the house to get to work in plenty of time.

Fuck knows how but i got dressed, got all my medicinals weighed out in double quick time, and out the door in 15 minutes flat. Thank fuck that i had showered and shaved the night before, i would have looked one hell of a state otherwise and probably would have stunk of dodgy chemicals.:o Plus the roads were quieter with it being a saturday, and about half the traffic lights stayed green, i got logged in at work with about 3 minutes to spare.

This is the first occasion since my final warning that i have pushed my luck and very nearly fucked up. I seem to be incredibly lucky in some ways for which i am thankful, and i definitely wont be taking so much etiz tonight and will have caught up on at least a bit of that sleep deprivation. And new batteries are going in both alarm clocks. I just can't loose this job, there's actually quite a bit of the time that i actually enjoy it, and everyone is really friendly, even to a miserable weirdo like me, so much so that I'm coming out of my shell and becoming less miserable and coming out with some half decent banter myself, much to my own and some of my colleagues pleasure.
 
well yes, but you dont reduce every night, its far more gradual than that, your mind takes a long time to adjust to lowered doses, it can take weeks to adjust to each reduction, plus the pyraz batch i had been using had ran out the day before, and i wasnt really sure about the equivalent strength of etiz or how much to take. So i took the same dose of etiz as the pyraz i was taking as id just reduced to 4mg of that last week.

It turns out that etiz must be stronger, or my tolerance to it has dropped. Just 3mg of etiz tonight. Plus 3.5 diclaz.
 
the countdown to the ban?

Its not illegal to stockpile a bit to complete my taper in as much comfort as possible if i may need to, (wanna do everything possible to make the taper as smooth as possible so that my brain can adjust. The last thing i wanna do is rush things and totally fuck up my mental health as a result of a rushed taper) if that is what you meant as it is also much later than i realised and i havent even had my evening meal yet. The benzos wont work too great for atleast 2 hours after eating, so I'll probably leave it a little while, and take the benzos before eating instead.
 
Can you maybe try an equivalent taper of Diclazepam? Before I decided to go 'fuck it' and go to the doctors to get on a diazepam taper I subbed in diclazepam and it worked fine with the added benefit of being far less sedating while still working as far as not inducing withdrawals went and still letting me sleep fairly well, reductions in dose allowing. That's if getting up in the morning and being monged is a consistent problem anyway, a lot of people find it far easier to function on diclaz than etiz I've found.

Good luck either way, fucking horrible thing to be addicted to. I miss benzos but not as much as I don't miss em.
 
Offft...Out back with a blazing fire and head full of 1p....10 years of therapy in one night. Drugs are bad mkaay...
 
Afternoon people
Just got the weirdest p.m. from someone asking if I believe in conspiracies in the rc world going on about another sites own not getting a viser for some place and the site not having any new posts
 
Claudia Sass said:
Oops.

Hugs to you xoxox

Loaded question: Was it worth it?

UGH it's 11pm on a Sunday! How did the weekend pass so quickly?!?
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Considering my weekend started on Thursday afternoon, I'm equally as surprised that it is now Sunday evening (well just for me). For the first time since I got back from my travels I was able to sit outside and have a drink today - just the one and then the humidity started. I think we have another 4 days of this crazy heat before it starts to cool down again (BBQ time). Hopefully it should start getting warmer for you soon Sassy?
 
snolly said:
Can you maybe try an equivalent taper of Diclazepam? Before I decided to go 'fuck it' and go to the doctors to get on a diazepam taper I subbed in diclazepam and it worked fine with the added benefit of being far less sedating while still working as far as not inducing withdrawals went and still letting me sleep fairly well, reductions in dose allowing. That's if getting up in the morning and being monged is a consistent problem anyway, a lot of people find it far easier to function on diclaz than etiz I've found.

Good luck either way, fucking horrible thing to be addicted to. I miss benzos but not as much as I don't miss em.
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cheers, yeah ive definately found getting up a great deal harder the last 2 mornings when id had etiz the night before compared to pyraz. Thats not surprising really considering that it is far more hypnotic and mongy. Last night I was just sat up in bed enjoying the strong heady buzz off the etiz for an hour, puffing on an ecig instead of going to sleep, as Ive not had it for a while its probably hitting me harder. I Must remember not to use it on work nights. Its too risky that I wont be on the ball enough quickly enough to realise i have to get up and get ready straight away when the alarm goes off.8( I forgot to do one of the basic standard tasks at work today too. Boss aint gonna be impressed. Im blaming that on the fucking etiz too. :o

To save the day though I'd forgotten that i'd still got half a baggie of pyrazolam powder stashed away. <3 So gonna mix that now, and will have a pyraz/diclaz cocktail tonight. I negelected to keep notes in my real paper diary of my dose reductions, but im sure i posted them on here, so i'll have a trawl through to find what dose id reduced to, to save me unneccesarrily going back up again.
 
Ah forgot about pyrazolam, used that for general anxiety and it went pretty well. Keeping notes is a pretty good idea, probably helps keep to a reduction scale better than just winging it like I did. Good ol' etiz, eh.

Totally wasted my day off cos I was too tired to do anything other than clean and sit around playing videogames but hey ho, basically got the rest of the week off after Weds.
 
Most of my dose related note taking has been very haphazard, going months with nothing entered in the diary atall, but i often find all my blatherings about what doses i was taking on here, im not delibertaly using BL as a personal dosage diary btw but it has inadvertently become that, amongst many other things of course. %)

Pyraz is a very handy benzo to have, esp for those that mix the powders with PG, cos it seems to be quite fast acting in liquid form, unlike diclaz which can take hours to kick in. And the major plus is that you wake up with a relatively clear head. Im currently taking a relatively low dose mixture of the 2, cos diclaz is stronger on the hypnotic effects it helps keep me asleep once the pyraz has helped me drop off initially. If i reduce the pyraz much more i wont be gettting any hypnotic effectcts off it, i think its low on that, altthough 3g is enough to do the job. The next reduction will be diclaz. When the time feels right.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
cheers, yeah ive definately found getting up a great deal harder the last 2 mornings when id had etiz the night before compared to pyraz. Thats not surprising really considering that it is far more hypnotic and mongy. Last night I was just sat up in bed enjoying the strong heady buzz off the etiz for an hour, puffing on an ecig instead of going to sleep, as Ive not had it for a while its probably hitting me harder. I Must remember not to use it on work nights. Its too risky that I wont be on the ball enough quickly enough to realise i have to get up and get ready straight away when the alarm goes off.8( I forgot to do one of the basic standard tasks at work today too. Boss aint gonna be impressed. Im blaming that on the fucking etiz too. :o

To save the day though I'd forgotten that i'd still got half a baggie of pyrazolam powder stashed away. <3 So gonna mix that now, and will have a pyraz/diclaz cocktail tonight. I negelected to keep notes in my real paper diary of my dose reductions, but im sure i posted them on here, so i'll have a trawl through to find what dose id reduced to, to save me unneccesarrily going back up again.
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Hi MDB, if there's only one thing I've learnt in my 35 years as a poly drug user, it's that work and benzos do NOT mix. Ive successfully held down a job through the height of my opiate and crack habits, but as soon as benzos were thrown into the equation, everything quickly turned to shit. I lost my previous 2 jobs due to RC benzos, and was lucky to not lose my current job as well, considering I was involved in 2 low speed collisions in my van during my 6 month probationary period, as well as scraping off the paint down both doors by misjudging the turn into my drive, and also blowing a tyre by hitting the kerb gouched out on methadone and diclazepam. That was the wake up call I needed. 12 months later I'm now off the methadone and benzos, and pretty much finished with downers for good. The dangerous thing about downers is that the more I take, the more I feel I need. This can lead to some truly frightening levels of tolerance to doses and combos that could wipe out a small town. Now that I'm over that period of my life (it only took 20 years), I feel like I've emerged from a long dark tunnel where large chunks of my life have been lost forever. I really didn't know my arse from my elbow - I WAS Terry Fuckwitt, Roger irrelevant and Suicidal Syd all rolled into one. Unfortunately, you need to come out the other side before you can see how bad things were. It sounds like you're treading on dangerously thin ice with your job mate, and if you lose it you'll almost inevitably sink back down into a cycle of depression and depressants. Can I suggest you get yourself a load of nifoxipam instead of all the insanely potent RC benzos you currently prefer to take? I realise you may not rate them, but they're preferable to going CT off the others and the short half life prevents doses from accumulating and throwing you into a benzo induced stupor that is painfully obvious to everyone but yourself.

Anyway, I'm sure you know all this anyway, but I just wanted to reassure you that there IS still a life worth living after CNS depressants. Good luck and hang in there :)
 
Cheers for the concern Fubar, forgetting that i had that pyraz caused the problems of resorting to etiz over the weekend. Otherwise i have been fine getting up in plenty of time with just the pyraz and diclaz. I've almost come full circle from starting off at low doses, then failing to keep a lid on my doses and letting my tolerance get out of hand, taking insane doses for a couple of years, but now i think the end is in sight and Im on lower doses than ive been on for years, and im on the home straight. I'll probably time things to quit just around the time of the ban, ie taking things very gradual.

I too found out the hard way that benzos especially etiz and work do not mix. I lost my last job due to that, my current job has forced me to halve my intake (not that they know what my problem was, or if they do they cant come straight out and accuse me of it) in order to be able to be guarenteed to get to work on time and in a functional state, they gave me so many chances whilst i was still on higher doses and struggling, and now im on my last chance. Its helped motivate me to reduce. Overall im enjoying the challenge, in a perverse way. I dont think anyone expected me to succeed, which makes me all the more determined to do so. I used to be able to get to work on time every day, no reason why i cant do that again, now that my benzo habit is becoming much smaller and more managable.

I know where i am with pyraz and diclaz, i dont want to make any changes to anything right now, cos that combination is working OK for me, allowing me to reduce, and get some sleep (after a period of adjustment to each reduction) and able to get up on time.
 
You've come a pretty long way, aye. Gets easier, especially if you've got some sort of routine to follow. Starting work was what made me finally forget all about benzos and just get on with life, was when my savings finally ran out and I had no choice, was forget benzos and cut back drastically on booze or end up losing my house.

Just found out I don't have to work tomorrow, is a bank holiday but made enough last week to not have to worry about it for once and another bloke wanted the extra cash so said he could do my shift. I'm dead selfless, me :D
 
It's so bloody cold in Melbourne today! Give me back my summers!

Housemate broke up with his GF and has demanded copious amounts of "make everything go away" after a decent meal.

What to even cook him? Do guys still go bananas over pizza? Or is he indicating that he wants a roast with all the trimmings?

Should I get him wasted on scotch? Or just start adding benzos to his drinks?

Do I throw him cash and send him to a strip club? Or give him full body massages?

Halp! I don't understand how guys work!
 
Steak and Blowjob day! Okay you may omit the BJ bit. Cook him a fantastic steak! Nothing makes a tummy happier than a well prepared rare slab of beef, Jacket potato filled with Cheese, sour cream, chives and bacon. YUM! Mibbe a side salad just to make it seem a bit healthier! Hope he's doing alright.


Oddly enough, I woke up thinking about you..... Just thought I haven't heard from you in a while. Don't ask. I have odd random thoughts when I first wake up.
 
^ i think he wants drugs.
Just make sure if you dose him, you do it with his knowledge/consent.
Benzos+booze= big potential for bad stuff.

Edit: food works too :)
 
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