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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CLXXXI - Is it Christmas yet?

Life's too short to make embarrassingly bad impressions, I'd just stay at home.
 
class-a-team said:
Hello everyone, hope you're all well :)

I'm feeling a bit blue right now and I would greatly appreciate any advice/opinions.

Basically drugs turn me into a complete tit and I'm suffering from a moral hangover right now, which I know is pretty normal after being on meph for an entire week but still, this happens all too often. Basically whenever I used to drink or take drugs I always always always woke up with these horrible feelings of remorse and shame. The last while had been good, however, in that I could only get alcohol here so I would invariably drink to the extent that I was far too sleepy to do anything or say anything stupid. Since I found drugs here though I've went back to my old self; being an annoying, loud and obnoxious exhibitionist that says and does the most embarrassing, inappropriate things. Now I know it's normal to act out of character while under the influence but for me it's always a drastic change of personality. When I'm sober I'm quiet and shy and un talkative. I suffer from social anxiety. But when I'm drunk/high this really embarrassing person comes out. Friends say I shouldn't worry about it but it bothers me so much. And I'm particularly worried because the last two weeks I've been around people I don't know very well, potential friends, and I'm worried I've made a really bad impression. I don't want to go into detail but I've said and done some really shameful and often just plain weird things. Nothing mean or offensive but just really crazy and strange. And now I'm afraid to socialise with any of these people.

This isn't new, I've always had this problem, but I suppose I'm in a new environment and it's the first time it's happened to me in a while so I'm a bit scared. Even my flatmate seems to have lost some respect for me - he was so cool with living with me at first but now that I've got my hands on drugs it appears I've shown my true colours. I feel really ashamed.
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I'm sure we all do this to some degree or the other - get drunk/high relax and have a laugh. Sometimes this laugh is really out of character and the following day/week your left thinking wtf. You may be over thinking this as your on a come down? If you think you may have crossed some line with your flatmate - just tell him, sorry if I was a bit out of it last week, was wasted etc.
 
lurching said:
Life's too short to make embarrassingly bad impressions, I'd just stay at home.
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I rather have the opportunity in making a good impression and it goes wrong than making no impression at all? Do you have a bad impression of anyone?
 
still here for now stressful last few days next door neighbour son is a retard wrong word i know but he has been blaming his behavior problems on my fucked up drug induced fun of late so i was expecting the law to kick my door in at some point

waste 7g of mpa as it was in a cracked glass so all leaked out wasted a shit load

o and good morning
 
class-a-team said:
nSince I found drugs here though I've went back to my old self; being an annoying, loud and obnoxious exhibitionist that says and does the most embarrassing, inappropriate things. Now I know it's normal to act out of character while under the influence but for me it's always a drastic change of personality. When I'm sober I'm quiet and shy and un talkative. I suffer from social anxiety. But when I'm drunk/high this really embarrassing person comes out. Friends say I shouldn't worry about it but it bothers me so much.
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To add to what others have said, sometimes being an introverted, socially anxious person can make your actions when disinhibited seem all the more embarrassing and inappropriate. I'm a pretty inhibited person and I've been in the same place - often - due either to excessive drinking and drugging, my mental state at the time or (most of the time) a combination of the two.

If your friends say you shouldn't worry too much, then take their advice and try not to worry! If you were doing something really terrible then a real friend would mention it.

That said, a week on meph isn't good for anyone, and it could certainly skew people's impressions of you if they're only used to the shy, introverted side. Let them see you in control for a while and see how things go. I know that isn't going to be easy because of the anxiety you're already feeling, but please try not to let it drive to attempt to mask these things further with substances. That'll only end in tears.

Hope you feel better soon. <3
 
Bearlove said:
I rather have the opportunity in making a good impression and it goes wrong than making no impression at all? Do you have a bad impression of anyone?
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Excuse me, I meant stay at home and sniff all of your drugs there in solitude. But no, I don't think I'd label much of others' behaviour as bad or embarrassing (just "interesting" or "less interesting"), although there are moments when I really don't feel like seeing someone in particular because I know that I'll struggle to adapt to their behavior at that time.
 
class-a-team : that is one of the reasons why I stopped doing mdma, I wanted to curl up and die most mornings after. In a few years of hindsight I realise that I'm glad I didn't get much more involved with most of those people from back then. (and glad I stopped caining pills)
 
Afternoon eadd hope ya'll are sweet.
got mdma and heroin on my hip tonight im going to tear the roof off B-) also be taking it v carefully with lower than normal doses. Smoked half a bag of h already was above average.
 
Afternoon folks!

Glad to hear you're going to take it easy with your partaking ed... must still have bad memories of your recent experiences. Sounds like you are in for a good night though. :)

I didn't sleep so well last night, which was a bummer & have a headache now probably because of that. Hopefully it'll pass soon... other than that, I got an updated version of the first PC game I bought for myself, Icewind Dale... should keep me occupied for a while. :D
 
Thanks chat i do am a bit nervous tbh. Strict low doses of drugs v careful trust me dont care if im not off my tits playing it safe. Dont think im gonna do this combo tonight gonna do the md tn and the h tm. Hope ur well
 
Sucks but that nervousness is probably a good thing really.

Sounds like a good shout to do them on different days... more bang for you buck!

And yeah apart from the lack of sleep in good mood cheers. Makes a welcome change from the days when I'd be anxiety ridden from poor sleep. :)
 
Just got out from my appointment with a mental health nurse, i got the impression that CBT isnt going to be offered to me. She said if her team dont recommend that therapy then theyll come up with some other options, what they'll be ive no idea??

Last time they just referred me back to the substance misuse services that i was trying to get away from..

Hope you're all keeping well :)
 
I wouldn't rely on CBT being definitely a good solution - it does work for some people, but many say that it only helped for a few months, and wasn't a long-term fix.. It'll probably be good to be open to other suggestions that the nurse has. (Plus a guy I know keeps ranting about the fact that CBT is often offered by the NHS as it's a cheap option because you don't need to be a qualified counsellor to do it.. not sure how true that is, though.)
 
Ello y'all <3

On my fuckin 2nd litre of strong cider with meds in me waiting for my "guy" to "ring me later".... Later? LATER?!?!
I look fwd to having a day or two of gear swiftly and with a friend but noooooo = Dealers should be fucking cyborgs and always on hand on time :X :X :X :| ..
... God I'm pathetic.
 
some CBT is just where you have to sit at a PC and tickk yes or no to various statements. Counseliing on the cheap or what, i walked out after 2 minutes, i could tell it wasnt gonna help me, might as well just buy a self-help CBT book and we all know how much use they are. I think to really engage with it you at least need another live human being to interact and discuss things with.

I think im gonna refer myslef back to services, struggling to find my way out of this mess on my own, i cant remember the last time that my energy and motivation has been so low. I think that stashing or getting rid of that bottle of G would be a good start, or at least cutting down to one small dose of an early evening, its just what i dont need atm. Its impeding my etiz taper, which atm is my number 1 goal. Im sure I'll have more energy when i get my etiz reduced. Not sure if i have the will power to "stash" the GBL, probably need to get rid of it and start at least facing the days and evenings sober.
 
ScotchMist said:
Just got out from my appointment with a mental health nurse, i got the impression that CBT isnt going to be offered to me. She said if her team dont recommend that therapy then theyll come up with some other options, what they'll be ive no idea??
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I don't think I really did proper CBT with my CPN, was more just talk therapy... worked well enough though. Hopefully it'll be something like that rather than getting shuttled back and forth... I've heard that often happens with people who have dual diagnosis. (I assume it's more than just the substance problems... sure other stuff comes along with that sort of thing?)
 
I really feel like a good break from work and responsibilities would help me massively to begin with, then continue with counselling of some sort, a coarse of naltrexone... i dunno..

I just feel like ive got that much on my plate it just seems like a mountain to climb.. i know that CBT is not the easiest and a fair amount of effort has to be put in, maybe that would just seem like another load on top of what im already carrying.
 
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