Gibberings CLXXIV - Cock Piss Partridge

[Eveleivibe]

RIGHT.... TIME TO GET MY POEM FROM 16 AND TYPE IT HERE.... JUST READ SOME STUFF HAS HAS SERIOUSLY MADE ME DEPRESSED

Evey

 

[Eveleivibe]

OK here goes.....

Regrets

Regrets is when time is too time,
Regrets are of memories of things we have done
Regrets are of loneliness and discontentment
Regrets are of the days we have wasted
Regrets are of yesterdays; the days we have wasted

So full of emptiness; come the regrets of our past,
Time ticks and ticks away,
But history keeps repeating itself; time and time again,
I can't stop this happening; again and again,

Oh, why do I make the same mistakes?
That I've regretted so many times before,
Yesterday, I wasted so much time,
That was so valuable,

Help me get away,
From the Regrets that darken my life
That take away my love for others,
And the Feelings in return

Evey 23/10/1996

 

[Eveleivibe]

Believe I know how tempting that can seem when you feel terrible and that there's no way out, but you have to focus on the positive things, the positive achievements you've made in your life and the positive ones still to come. From what I've seen from your posts you've done so well in battling against your addiction and your demons, you've managed to reduce your doses greatly in a small amount of time which is a hard thing to do (and is gonna factor into you not feeling good at the moment, but you're on your way for being free from them altogether!), as well as coping with a lot of stresses in your life on top of all this and raising your daughter in the best way you can. The fact that you've been fighting shows in itself that things are changing for you, and you owe it to yourself and to your daughter to continue, cos even though things may feel like shit atm you're so close and you've been doing so well, don't give up on it all now!

Let's see I had two jobs fucked them up,
I went on six forum; messed it all up,]
Got two blokes, they both abused me and hurt me in the worst, mental way passible,
Tried to get a master, fail it and only ended up with postgrad certificate,
tried to make friends; pissed them all off, spend every day on my won waiting for the day to end... ermmm what psotive... I don't see any, only that I'm an irrigating, annoying person that everyone would prefer to see the back of LMFAP...

Oh, and to top it, without saying much the people who 'bullied' me are doing it again to someone else but I'm powerless to do anything

I don't want them to hurt someone else

Evey

 

[Eveleivibe]

who

 

[alasdairm]

evey, reading the four agreements is the easy part. you've been flying the flag in eadd for the book since you started reading it - telling people how great it is, how valuable the lessons are.

maybe it's time to go back to it and read it again? really read it and start to put what it's teaching you into effect?

alasdair

 

[Eveleivibe]

No one understands I don't want anyone else hurt, I can't let them hurt anyone else I can't

evey, reading the four agreements is the easy part. you've been flying the flag in eadd for the book since you started reading it - telling people how great it is, how valuable the lessons are.

maybe it's time to go back to it and read it again? really read it and start to put what it's teaching you into effect?

alasdair

Just read this... maybe when I'm sober, eh? and out of withdrawals - yes I'll read it again....

Evey

 

[Shambles]

Gotta say I agree with Ali, Evey. Although mostly it seems to be booze and withdrawals causing moodswings that's making you feel this way tonight. There are few things as bad to use when in opioid withdrawal as alcohol - greatly exacerbates the emotional rollercoaster stuff and almost always in very negative and depressive ways. I actually agree completely with what you said earlier about it being best if you were to go back to your 8mg Suboxone dose again. It will help stabilise your mood - especially if it also helps you to curb alcohol cravings but even if not it would still help with the moodswings. Certainly better than going up and down the doses the way you have been - that's a recipe for disaster whoever you happen to be.

Hope you can get some rest soon and are feeling a bit better (albeit perhaps a tad hungover ) tomorrow. I really would suggest trying to go back to your prescribed dose of Suboxone too - or 8mg anyway as you seemed to be fairly well stabilised on that dose. Trying to crash taper is an immense emotional upheaval. It's no fun at all. There's good reason people don't do it if at all possible. Enough bupe to ease up the withdrawals and perhaps a bit less booze to try to stand in for it cos booze is not an opioid and will not help withdrawals - only makes them worse and it's no fun at all as I suspect you have noticed tonight.

Like all things it's a good learning experience - hope you can take the positives from it cos it was all going rather well until booze met opioid withdrawal. You'll feel better tomorrow

 

[Eveleivibe]

Ali, can I ask how and when did this book help you? I'm still at chapter 6, as I said to you, I'll be making some cards n what-not but I've had stuff on as of late, with my lil girl as she may have AS etc so haven't had time for anything else but I'll get there...

Edit; raas' right it's just the Internet so from now on I'm gna chill over it LOL....

Evey

 

[Eveleivibe]

Shamz, lets forget it OK.... We'll agree to differ.... I give my number out anywhere, but you as a moderator, I s'pose, are obliged to delete it - so let's agree to disagree???? I needed the alcohol..... I'm feeling so empty n irritable it's unreal.... I need alcohol at the moment, I'm sorry but I need alcohol or I'm seriously going to lose the plot big time....

Tomorrow; Bells.

Evey

 

[alasdairm]

it helped me during some dark times about 5 years ago. how did it help me? it spoke to the issues i was having and helped me see how i was, very often, doing the opposite of the agreements.

like i say, reading the book is easy. telling everybody the book is great is easy. the hard part is the introspection and work required on oneself to effect positive change. just reading the book won't do that. you have to be prepared to ask yourself some pretty tough questions and demand honest answers. you have to be prepared to take responsibility for your own happiness and be willing to do what is takes to get there.

you have to be prepared to really take the advice you so easily give to others.

alasdair

 

[Eveleivibe]

it helped me during some dark times about 5 years ago. how did it help me? it spoke to the issues i was having and helped me see how i was, very often, doing the opposite of the agreements.

like i say, reading the book is easy. telling everybody the book is great is easy. the hard part is the introspection and work required on oneself to effect positive change. just reading the book won't do that. you have to be prepared to ask yourself some pretty tough questions and demand honest answers. you have to be prepared to take responsibility for your own happiness and be willing to do what is takes to get there.

you have to be prepared to really take the advice you so easily give to others.

alasdair

I'll try but you're right reading the book is easy.... it's so damn easy to forget and get back into bad habits... I'll try... maybe it'll relieve the emptiness.... I'm sorry to hear that you had some dark time, Alasdair, I do appreciate it, that you recommended the book, and I am reading it... I get what you're saying and will take it on board...

Ugh.... I need bed, I am so fucking annoyed I'm struggling to get off this damn suboxone... take care, everyone

Evey

 

[Eveleivibe]

Ive had to take another 2 mg subs. I feel like a wimp but fuck its too difficult

Sorry everyone

Evey

 

[Marmalade]

I won't be around anymore either way so have fun talking about something I couldn't give a flying fuck about. I may be a cunt, but at least I'm an unforgettable one. And at least no one will miss me xxx

Aye up missus! I contest your cuntishness, and raise yah ...

You don't get legit Cunt status until it's from a Mod darling.

Altho, saying that it's pretty easy to achieve ... just report them for being Westboro Baptist level homophobes when they post some very unmodly and hateful comments and then watch and feel the wrath of vengence as it gets lobbed back in your direction.

Anyway, stick around. You've livened this place up a lot.

 

[Marmalade]

evey, reading the four agreements is the easy part. you've been flying the flag in eadd for the book since you started reading it - telling people how great it is, how valuable the lessons are.

maybe it's time to go back to it and read it again? really read it and start to put what it's teaching you into effect?

alasdair

I havent read it, but I'm pretty interested in self-development (wanky expression but it's as apt as I can muster atm)
If the fourth chapter is called Try Your best (is that right? read it in this thread a few days ago, can't 100% remember now) .. then it sounds highly questionable as books go

I loathe that term, and generally the people who use it tend to mean, 'not a chance I'm gonna achieve that', rather than saying what they're actually thinking.

Then again, i heard it most when I was a demanding cunt of a manager. Always played fair mind, but truth > commiting to unachievable expectations ... realism and knowing (not just believing) your limits and potential tops all imo

[edit]
Ali, if youre still about and youre feeling generous, I'd donate 20 quid to BL to have the Somni 'she put the cunt in cunt' quote as a signature.

 

[Marmalade]

Ive had to take another 2 mg subs. I feel like a wimp but fuck its too difficult

Sorry everyone

Evey

You should be more sorry for dissing Abba. That's unforgivable.

Evey, giving up substances you've been dependent on (and largely enjoyed) for a good while isn't easy, particularly when you can't just quit them cold Tends to be the only way I can really do it, when it's been necessary to take a break. Totally not safe and not advisable. Tapering is fucking difficult. You're giving yourself too much of a beating.

In a few months time when you get your mojo back and are getting high on exercise again and from your body looking fit as, the way youre feeling now will be long gone and you'll be all hyper at feeling great about yourself.

Stick with it, tomorrow's another day. Forget about your slips ups and don't let them weigh you down.

Good luck with it

 

[Eveleivibe]

Raaasy you speak a lot of sense. Ali PM coming later. So tired I'm surprised I can type this nonsense.

Thanks Marmalade , that means a lot I wont forget that xxxx

I havent read it, but I'm pretty interested in self-development (wanky expression but it's as apt as I can muster atm)
If the fourth chapter is called Try Your best (is that right? read it in this thread a few days ago, can't 100% remember now) .. then it sounds highly questionable as books go

I loathe that term, and generally the people who use it tend to mean, 'not a chance I'm gonna achieve that', rather than saying what they're actually thinking.

Then again, i heard it most when I was a demanding cunt of a manager. Always played fair mind, but truth > commiting to unachievable expectations ... realism and knowing (not just believing) your limits and potential tops all imo

[edit]
Ali, if youre still about and youre feeling generous, I'd donate 20 quid to BL to have the Somni 'she put the cunt in cunt' quote as a signature.

I know this is to Ali n I apologise for butting in here (so anyone, please feel free to correct me if wrong) I understand where you're coming from where the term 'always try your best,' however, in this instance - it's actually encouraging. The other three agreements, though they sound simple, are incredibly difficult when trying to continually put them into practise in day to day life. I was raving, when I first read this book, how I felt it had been produced "for me" (obviously not, but hopefully, you get the drift) that I was going to complete change n keep to it to the letter. The fourth agreement is a kinda way of saying "as long as you're trying - and KEEP trying, you'll get there. I suppose, kinda like trying to learn to drive. I imagine it's extremely difficult but once learnt, it becomes common knowledge.

I admire you being a manager. I could not do it. I remember studying business management for AGNVQ Business Studies n that's as far as I got. It must be difficult because you've got to have a specific rapport with people - I imagine - in a way, like a moderator or administrator in a forum such as this. You've got to be firm n keep rules (maintain work is up to standard n what-not) yet get on well with subordinates n be somewhat empathic/understanding of their requirements, needs or whatever.

I think it takes a special type of person to take on such a role

Evey

 

[ScotchMist]

Morning Gibbers.... whats crackin? Ive been where technology doesn't work and frankly, didnt want it..

Had sschweeeet long weekend away at the most 'fabulous' wedding it would of made Summer sick in her mouth a 4 day party in a mansion set in the most idyllic countryside...

Not one for weddings usually but this one really was something else..! I seem to have a nack for being the most smashed and idiotic person at a wedding usually, nerves I think due to the mass of small talk to people I dont know in a formal setting, I managed to avoid this behaviour this time around as it was chilled from the get go and just had a good time and no bollocking from the Mrs, good times

Back to the grind now though Have a good one all...!

 

[Marmalade]

Some of them may be feigning disinterest though, y'know? A lot of the coolest guys do that, I hear.

I know, right?

Those 'coolest' ones in particular usually cry like babies when they feel or get rejected tho. Some of them then continue to feign all sort of shite just to cover that fact up too.

Relax 'coolest' guys. Let Morrissey be your salvation

Or just grow the fuck up.

 

[parttime crackhead]

No-one knows who you're beefing with marmalade. Keep your disagreement with non eadd mods to what ever dark and shitty section of bluelight they occurred on.

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

My my we're all up bright and early today. Can't sleep won't sleep.