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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CLXX: Cocks will get blocked.

tempted to just buy 7gs and go on a binge as im a bit lost atm. I dont really wanna bring the thread down with my woes though haha - afterall its nearly summer :D I just want a foot jacuzzi and melt away atm haha. Thanks for asking :)

Dont go doing that mate... that'll just make you more lost in the end... find yourself
 
How am i doing/. Hmmmm, not the best tbh. Well short-term im doing good, cos of the heroin on MXE, but long-term i just lost my job, so not so great. Have been doing heroin once ever 1/2/3 weeks now for 3 years, but am tempted to just buy 7gs and go on a binge as im a bit lost atm. I dont really wanna bring the thread down with my woes though haha - afterall its nearly summer :D I just want a foot jacuzzi and melt away atm haha. Thanks for asking :)

forget the foot Jacuzzi lets get a FULL Jacuzzi for us EADDers and get naked, drunk and have a good laugh hahahahaha

I'm sorry to hear about the job loss and no you're not bringing gibs down, it's nice to support others in need. It's up to you about the H but if you're using it to escape for awhile, be careful with that as you don't want an addiction on top of everything.

Take care :0

Evey
 
Yeah i know, its exactly that. The worrying thing is, im in the kind of mind-frame where i dont care if i get addicted. My thinking is, just have a couple weeks of using 24/7, then get a shed load of ket/MXE for the 5 day withdrawls as they almost completely eliminate them and hope by then ive managed to get a job as being a postie. I know this is absurd thinking, but im sure other people have been at that stage with that "dont give a fuck" mind state. Im gonna try my best not succumb to it as ive managed 3 years without any splip ups. Its going to be a very testing week thats for sure.
Hate to jump on the bandwagon here, but I went 3 years of casual opiate use until a stressful situation made me think "fuck it, I don't care if I get addicted - it'll be an experience (or something) and I just don't give a fuck".

Took me 8 years to get clean.

In other words, this:
What is it they say about occasional heroin use? It's all fine until something else in your life goes tits up and heroin becomes a crutch? Don't go for a massive skag binge, you might never come back.

You're going to do what you're going to do, but why not have the ket/mxe binge before you embrace the monkey?
A good dissociative trip or 8 may at least help you find the perspective to work through the shittiness of the situation and the period of transition it will force upon you.
Just a thought, don't mean to lay a bum trip on you...
 
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Thanks for the advice and support everyone - you really dont understand how much it means. Specially coming from a group of people who dont even know me and are not even obliged in the slightest to try and help me. As i say, ive been doing 0.2 of heroin once a day of of 1 to 2 weeks for about 3 years now without any hiccups, but this recent job loss has just made me feel a bit lost with no clue of what im going to do for the future. Have never been tempted in the past to buy a larger amount, but the pull is really strong now. Its so ridiculous because i know of all the problems which will come from a large purchase, its not even as if im thinking "oh, i'll be able to buy it and still use it sparingly". Realistically i would use it every day till its gone and this where im unsure what will happen. I would either ride out of the withdrawls from a couple weeks worth of use with the aid of MXE and ket or i would think "fuck it" and carry on using. Im going to try and tough it out for as long as possible and just hope to fuck i can get over this hump.

You're going to do what you're going to do, but why not have the ket/mxe binge before you embrace the monkey?
A good dissociative trip or 8 may at least help you find the perspective to work through the shiftiness of the situation and the period of transition it will force upon you.
Just a thought, don't mean to lay a bum trip on you...

Thankyou for the suggestion, but ive spent the last 3/4 days in a ket and MXE haze and whilst on them, and whilst it was a nice escape, they actually made me depressed it anything. Need to try and stay away from them for the near-future, apart from the off couple of g's at the weekend.

I know im completely psychologically addicted to drugs. That job was the only thing stopping me from doing them as often as possible and only at the weekends.

Just feeling a bit lost atm. Have no idea what to do with myself. Have extreme social anxiety, so it really limits the kind of jobs i can look for and with there being so little jobs already, this becomes quite a big problem.

Thanks again for all the support everyone - it really does mean a lot :) <3
 
Hey, harm reduction is the name of the game.
Psychological addiction to getting loaded on drugs is one thing - but physical dependence is a whole other beast as I'm sure plenty of others have learnt the hard way.
Personally I can hear the alarm bells a mile off...it's all so familiar.
And the life of an addict isn't fun or ultimately very rewarding (generally).
You brain chemicals may tell you it is "fun" and "rewarding" at times - but they're lying to you! Yep, your own flesh and blood...!
Hope you find a new job soon - I'm looking for a new gig at the moment, and it's a drag.
All the best - don't let the bastards get you down.
 
Good post, spacejunk. However, I think psychological addiction, in some way, is worst than physical addiction - but I guess that can be debated and argued until kingdom come. Yes that tends to be how addiction starts, the person uses a slight amount on a regular basis - then one day something may happen to trigger it, but sometimes it doesn't, it just happens, the person thinks "I'll try just a bit more," or "I'll get just a bit more and it will last longer, I won't have to purchase any for a while," but it never works out that way; the person tends to use up more because it's then and continues the cycle on and on, deeper and deeper - whilst having all these warped thoughts through your head like "I can't possibly be happy without that drugs, I was never happy without that, my life was dull, I can't bear to be sober, I just can't bare it" etc, etc, etc.

Splif, it's good that you are talking things through with us all and seeing the signs. Awareness is a good thing because once addiction, the person tends to deny it Hey I went to SIX recovery forums insisting to them all that "I was not an addict," Who was I trying to convince; them or myself (I still don't like that word now, but because I don't like labels!)

Evey
 
^ he's said that he is already psychologically addicted.
Whether or not adding a physical dependence on top of that is a good path to go down is not a matter worth debating.
 
Will reiterate what others have said spliff, I knew all the risks heroin involved but still ended up thinking 'fuck it, dont care if ive got a habit' when life got shit. And ended up a lot fucking shitter. Took 3 years of perpetual trying to get to the point where I've managed a year without.

Either way, you gotta make your own decisions / mistakes - best of luck <3
 
I knew all the risks heroin involved but still ended up thinking 'fuck it, dont care if ive got a habit' when life got shit. And ended up a lot fucking shitter. Took 3 years of perpetual trying to get to the point where I've managed a year without.

I was extremely close to trying it, thanking fuck i didnt tbh. never liked oxy a massive amount but..
 
It's all about you, isn't it?
I just said that in my post so you basically just paraphrased it back to me. Thank you :D
Quite the opposite actually, but I'll let it go because I know you thrive on playing the victim.

G'night folks, I'm going to bed.
 
I was extremely close to trying it, thanking fuck i didnt tbh. never liked oxy a massive amount but..

I might try some Oxy soon. Wanted to for a long time... quite fond of Codeine/DHC.

However much I might like to try some heroin once, I'll probably stay clear of the stuff...
 
Heroin is the most beautiful, wonderful drug thats like a silk scarf that feels seductive and soft on your neck but the longer you wear it the tighter it becomes until its so tight you cant take it off. The only people I know who got clean were folk who went to public school did a year on the gear then went to treatment and NA and all got jobs in their 20's. I envy them in a way and in other ways I don't as alot of my life has been great BUT heroin has been a part of it for 32 years and has put me in very dangerous situations, lots of debt, one marriage down the swanee, loss of friends and lots more.
I know when I was still in my experimenting stage with drugs a good trip would quite often reset my cognative behaviour - but diving headlong in to heroin addiction especially because of depression is not a good route as you will find your self in a loop....taking gear to help with mood, thinking about taking heroin and the destruction it brings which leads to taking more gear etc etc.
Life can change in the bat of an eye, every 7 years there isn't a single cell in your body that was there 7 years before so we are constantly metamorphizing(sp) .
Think about what you want in an ideal world not what you want to do right now.
GL bud
 
It's all about you, isn't it?

Quite the opposite actually, but I'll let it go because I know you thrive on playing the victim.

G'night folks, I'm going to bed.

A bit harsh that, spacejunk. I'm no victim. I use my experiences to help others that's all. We all have our ways of doing things. I love helping others n will do so anyway I can. Giving examples from things I've experienced is my way of doing that. I'm sorry that you seem to have an issue with me doing that but others have found my methods quite helpful.

If anything I'm a survivor of my addiction not a victim. A victim is someone who is defeated "poor me" type. I don't think like that. I take responsibility for my actions n I know that I'm extremely lucky - also there's far worst people out there than me n I thank God every evening for everything I have n the lessons He's given me to learn from n to take forward with me to help, comfort n support others. In what way does any of that make me a victim?

Anyway good night n sleep well.

Evey
 
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