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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CCII, not XCII.... We need charts, calling Raashole! <3

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Ahhhh, sorry, I completely misinterpreted what was being said. It sounds like a complicated situation, I hope housing is sorted soon for you.

My ex is originally from Northumberland, so when we separated she moved back there, I was kinda hoping that she would stay in Glasgow obviously because of her career, friends etc, but it understandably didn't work out that way. We do seem to be on the same page when it comes to the well-being of our kids, I want them to be as happy as possible under the circumstances, I don't want to be a part time father; however sometimes it feels that way because of the distance between us, I worry about it having an affect. I phone them everyday but it's obviously not the same.

Anyway, I hope the holiday was good a yin.

Word of the day: appreciate.
 
It's harsh, I agree. Mostly for the kids when parents split. We do our best if we're good people. Always the best for our kids. As I am called Mama bear for a reason by my kids. But then... My daughter is called baby bear, A thought not worth thinking about! She's as scary as me!

I hope you don't mind but I'm moving this to gibz as it's derailed the convo darling! xxx We may carry on there if you wish <3
 
No problemo.

I took the kids back home yesterday, I fucking hate the drive back up the road after dropping them off. Depressing, no wonder I got in touch with my dealer. I won't see them now to after Christmas :(, but I will pick them up the day after Boxing Day and will have them for a full week! :). Will take Imogen to see new Star Wars, all go the Carnival, New Year's Day is my dad's birthday too, so that will be a good day in the house, like Christmas again, last year we did another Christmas Day, kids got their gifts from me, Turkey Dinner etc etc. A fun packed week.
 
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Morning all, Horrible weather out there, spent the night suffering withdrawals but luckily the postman brought me my remedy :D

Got some beautiful weed and beautiful gear and am now feeling 110% compared to how I was a few hours ago.

How is everyone doing on this windy rainy morning?
 
Morning all, Horrible weather out there, spent the night suffering withdrawals but luckily the postman brought me my remedy :D

Got some beautiful weed and beautiful gear and am now feeling 110% compared to how I was a few hours ago.

How is everyone doing on this windy rainy morning?

Not bad for a Monday - I feel kind of in Xmas mode now, I feel like I should be half-cut.
 
Not bad for a Monday - I feel kind of in Xmas mode now, I feel like I should be half-cut.

Not bad at all! am so surprised with this gear, was advertised as medium quality but its fucking beautiful! think the vendor may have made an error and sent me his top tier stuff! even weighed in at 1.34g! very happy indeed, less than 100mg smoked and i'm on cloud 9!

The weed is beautiful too, will snap a pic and upload it, it's a super silver haze x super lemon haze, my whole house stinks from merely cutting the vacseal open, definitely feeling the xmas spirit now :P
 
Hahaha tea and jungle are the plan at the moment, Do you get munchies from smoking gear? I just realised I'm fuckin starving!
 
It depends, sometimes I think I'm really hungry then when the food is prepared I can struggle a bit - I have a good appetite usually though.
 
I get major sugar cravings on Smack, more so than most Opioids.
Poppy Tea wasn't so bad for the first few hours given I'd have 3 litres of the manky shit in my gut, but nodding face first into a Cornetto was a daily thing.
 
Watching Nirvana play an acoustic set while Kurt is more smacked up than I've ever seen anyone.
Here

He fucks up 99% of the words, wrong verses, can't speak, but plays guitar perfectly.
 
It's 3-FMP fueled but really - its gibberings

Advice consolation any comment welcome

Fucking twisted one this - proper Sherlock? 7th day on 3, got a sleep lnite.

So I started talking to this girl on the 1st day, mutal match on POF - it was amazing we clicked like crazy, first conversation lasted 6hrs. No phone call lasted under 2hrs.
We laughed so much. then all week, in between writing a screenplay we were i constant whatsapp and phone contact and we started opening up. She was in a psyche unit for attempted, u know. I told her could relate.

Now even these days technology throws me a curve ball - used to be meet, first base kiss, second bit of boob, third down stairs, 4th bury the python.

Day 3 we talked non-stop filth, shit I don't normally say during a four year relationship, ass play, bondage were mutually masturbating over skype for hours (luck had some actedinfil sp) but it was the best ever we promised not to record and i kept my promise (will I regret....)

- not sure what base that is. She kept wanting selfies, not ideal 4 days no food or sleep. but she really liked me and I really really like her. Our whatapp chats grew ridiculous over one week we had literally written a book all day all night.

Then she changed meds and became bi-polar as fuck - I said I was getting of on the photo's of her bent over playing (great big boobies) with herself and one of her in her car with a new hair cut and professional make up

- she went mental, sent me a photo of her in bed and said I was a pig for liking her with make up on - I just said that you know your in the psych ward, but that photo looks to me like a woman who could be a manager, anything - just confident and in control. Christ - now i'm trying to change her - she just wants to be a good Mum. I said fine sorry, you miss-understood. Eventually things calm but I lost my root and the the kisses become less, we are still addicted to talking - I tell her that I spent 6 weeks in rehab - The reaction! Absolutely hates drugs and drink (family) doesn't believe its a disease, that its the most selfish thing anyone could do. It's behaviour.

I questioned whether her actions could be considered selfish considering she only 23 and has 3 kids - NUKE - she had a brain thing I was just wasting resources - but not before mentioning her 'resources' that she has been in and out since she was 13 and for someone who was going to... she was laughing pretty hard for 6hrs 24 hours after. I Knew I'd crossed a line. I stepped back, took 150mg of 3 mixed with 70mg of lidocaine - perfect mix for me (although that was a huge dose) vaped 30mg waited for the rush to subside, the empathy and sublty and dopamine and of course till i could feel my face.

Braced myself for the inevitable, got comments like everyone prefers me without make up and, the nastiest of all I have options you know. Now this hurt. I could of sent her pictures of me and a 9/10 stripper I dated in Melbourne for 4 months, but just replied we all hae options and I'm sorry if I offended you it was never my intention - its 6/7am she sleeps while i work on my screen play.

Saturday mate calls round and we have great banter and seriously caine the fuck outta it still 7g left or so plus 50g of lidocaine. I'm attentive to whatsapp, though in the morning I did say this is crazy, lets take a little time off but I want to send you some videos on addiction.

She replied about lunch with 'I watched the videos they were very interesting' this was genuine but her anger at me still taking a (greatly reduced amount of) benzos was enough for me keep the 3-FMP firmly locked in the bag.

As this shit goes Sunday rolls round, mate splits about 3 but thank god he does a little tidy before heading - now this matters, but my flat is deliberately shit. I was 100% 'People, places, things' so left the city and got a small basement flat. I could of had a free suite of furniture but turned it down I live in the living room, the bedroom is storage ad the kitchen has life-forms i'm hoping produce a red-letter day.

So Shes got a day out and she looks fantastic, hair done, new dress but this time i'm wary - so I told jesus you are stunning, bit pale tho. I tried to make this into a reference that 'yes your great on the outside, but inside...'

Totally lost in translation, was a bit obscure tbf - bombardment why are you always so negative to me, everyone has said I look great I can't stand all this negativity, sorry abbreviation of my name I don't think this will work - I reply I hate being called that. Another photo and I do shower her with genuine praise, also tried to explain the pale allegory.

She's nicer to me I think this is to long, where is she i need to be in her. She agrees - although cos she felt a little slutty after skyping its 4 dates till we sleep together.

I'm 6 days in and starting to hallucinate a little. I am wrecked.

Phone call - i'm in your town, I've only an hour where are you? FUCK 1st impressions! Ive let my hygiene go to shit, Ive grown a beard, there's foil and baggies and scales and wee measuring spoons. 20+ lighters. I'm high as a kite. It's a small town, were talking 10 mins - clean myself or the paraphernalia - crystal maze gathering the coupons. So busy sticken the my sins in a draw the rest of the house is totally neglected - bare mattress, It looks weird. It looks bad. My clothes are cool tho, scrub my teeth 28 sprays of Paul Smith. Feel like the mental one, not the one out on day pass. Rude.

she parks up the street I go fetch, she is so much better much better looking than the photos. I have a t-shirt on and oversize jacket I immediately put her in and zip it up - in hindsight a fucking horrible thing to do to anyone. We kiss and its amazing, just flirty kisses with a lil tongue but our mouths fit like glove. Last 2 kisses like this ended in a 4 and 5 year relationship. No this is not a romance post.

I leave the kitchen light of and bring her into my flat/squat/crack den - shes shocked. 'Is that your bed?' yup, and sofa, and occasional chair. Immediately she clocks me, what am i on, deny, don't fuckn lie to me what are you on - well 7 day fucking crack binge does seem great so i say 4 ritalin (but shes busted the 50 fucking g's of lido) and a couple of vodka screw caps - she goes of on one over the caps, but lets the massive bag of powder slide. I don't want to look a her, i do want to, but i'm feeling shit. eventually we sit indian style, i take a lecture. Shes let down. Says I knew you were on something last few days - our first chat (6hrs) you were sober and I couldn't believe I met someone like you, I said the same (in my head i said well actually I was totally of my tits the whole time you've known me) she says your so different sober (i am?) I cant have drugs or anything round my kids, we can't be together if your using. I agree - and i fucking want this, I believe she would be the missing bit in my life. I can build ebikes and write get a little place by the shore, sen her everyday - sober - I remind her that bar being korean shes broken all my rules, too young, 3 kids, mental issues. shouts at me, tells me how to live. Admit I'm not perfect but neither is she. That from flipping to 'its over' to an unannounced visit is a lil bi-polar. but shes so beautiful and were on completely the same wave length - both kinda disatisfied we kiss more, it's over an hour and we have to run back to her car. Some how make a 2nd date but she tells me don't put all your eggs in one basket... today I suggested that we have an affair, thro christmas, over our birthdays. Then I'll either move close to her or leave the country. She tells me she gets 60 messages a day on POF and 200 meet me's.

We can't talk today because its a big social worker day and the ex has applied for full custody. Ok, but I thought I'd just look at POF - there she is - and shes changed her profile photo to the one I liked but she went mental over because I shouldn't like her with make up.

What a cluster fuck.
 
Yes welcome to being a bluelighter, Squid <3



Are you for real? After lecturing me on taking it you are encouraging another member. Christ you couldn't make this shit up. You really bloody couldn't.

Evey

Can you genuinely not understand the difference in concern between someone who is seemingly pretty conscientious about HR when using drugs and seemingly doesn't have any previous history with addiction problems (from what they have posted) compared to vulnerable individual with history of addiction with drugs, who completely ignores HR advice and smashes through a whole 500mg bag in one go, is using drugs to self medicate and to top it all off is the sole custodian or a young child?

It doesn't take a genius to work out that you taking 3-FPM is a really bad idea. People are saying these things out of genuine concern, not because they want to spoil your fun or have a dig at you.
 
Man I love your posts. The only entertaining ones to come from this drug, props to you lol.

I'd say it's doomed to disaster, but you won't drop it I don't think, and you shouldn't, your clearly enjoying the thrill of chasing her too much man :D
 
It's 3-FMP fueled but really - its gibberings

Advice consolation any comment welcome

Fucking twisted one this - proper Sherlock? 7th day on 3, got a sleep lnite.

So I started talking to this girl on the 1st day, mutal match on POF - it was amazing we clicked like crazy, first conversation lasted 6hrs. No phone call lasted under 2hrs.
We laughed so much. then all week, in between writing a screenplay we were i constant whatsapp and phone contact and we started opening up. She was in a psyche unit for attempted, u know. I told her could relate.

Now even these days technology throws me a curve ball - used to be meet, first base kiss, second bit of boob, third down stairs, 4th bury the python.

Day 3 we talked non-stop filth, shit I don't normally say during a four year relationship, ass play, bondage were mutually masturbating over skype for hours (luck had some actedinfil sp) but it was the best ever we promised not to record and i kept my promise (will I regret....)

- not sure what base that is. She kept wanting selfies, not ideal 4 days no food or sleep. but she really liked me and I really really like her. Our whatapp chats grew ridiculous over one week we had literally written a book all day all night.

Then she changed meds and became bi-polar as fuck - I said I was getting of on the photo's of her bent over playing (great big boobies) with herself and one of her in her car with a new hair cut and professional make up

- she went mental, sent me a photo of her in bed and said I was a pig for liking her with make up on - I just said that you know your in the psych ward, but that photo looks to me like a woman who could be a manager, anything - just confident and in control. Christ - now i'm trying to change her - she just wants to be a good Mum. I said fine sorry, you miss-understood. Eventually things calm but I lost my root and the the kisses become less, we are still addicted to talking - I tell her that I spent 6 weeks in rehab - The reaction! Absolutely hates drugs and drink (family) doesn't believe its a disease, that its the most selfish thing anyone could do. It's behaviour.

I questioned whether her actions could be considered selfish considering she only 23 and has 3 kids - NUKE - she had a brain thing I was just wasting resources - but not before mentioning her 'resources' that she has been in and out since she was 13 and for someone who was going to... she was laughing pretty hard for 6hrs 24 hours after. I Knew I'd crossed a line. I stepped back, took 150mg of 3 mixed with 70mg of lidocaine - perfect mix for me (although that was a huge dose) vaped 30mg waited for the rush to subside, the empathy and sublty and dopamine and of course till i could feel my face.

Braced myself for the inevitable, got comments like everyone prefers me without make up and, the nastiest of all I have options you know. Now this hurt. I could of sent her pictures of me and a 9/10 stripper I dated in Melbourne for 4 months, but just replied we all hae options and I'm sorry if I offended you it was never my intention - its 6/7am she sleeps while i work on my screen play.

Saturday mate calls round and we have great banter and seriously caine the fuck outta it still 7g left or so plus 50g of lidocaine. I'm attentive to whatsapp, though in the morning I did say this is crazy, lets take a little time off but I want to send you some videos on addiction.

She replied about lunch with 'I watched the videos they were very interesting' this was genuine but her anger at me still taking a (greatly reduced amount of) benzos was enough for me keep the 3-FMP firmly locked in the bag.

As this shit goes Sunday rolls round, mate splits about 3 but thank god he does a little tidy before heading - now this matters, but my flat is deliberately shit. I was 100% 'People, places, things' so left the city and got a small basement flat. I could of had a free suite of furniture but turned it down I live in the living room, the bedroom is storage ad the kitchen has life-forms i'm hoping produce a red-letter day.

So Shes got a day out and she looks fantastic, hair done, new dress but this time i'm wary - so I told jesus you are stunning, bit pale tho. I tried to make this into a reference that 'yes your great on the outside, but inside...'

Totally lost in translation, was a bit obscure tbf - bombardment why are you always so negative to me, everyone has said I look great I can't stand all this negativity, sorry abbreviation of my name I don't think this will work - I reply I hate being called that. Another photo and I do shower her with genuine praise, also tried to explain the pale allegory.

She's nicer to me I think this is to long, where is she i need to be in her. She agrees - although cos she felt a little slutty after skyping its 4 dates till we sleep together.

I'm 6 days in and starting to hallucinate a little. I am wrecked.

Phone call - i'm in your town, I've only an hour where are you? FUCK 1st impressions! Ive let my hygiene go to shit, Ive grown a beard, there's foil and baggies and scales and wee measuring spoons. 20+ lighters. I'm high as a kite. It's a small town, were talking 10 mins - clean myself or the paraphernalia - crystal maze gathering the coupons. So busy sticken the my sins in a draw the rest of the house is totally neglected - bare mattress, It looks weird. It looks bad. My clothes are cool tho, scrub my teeth 28 sprays of Paul Smith. Feel like the mental one, not the one out on day pass. Rude.

she parks up the street I go fetch, she is so much better much better looking than the photos. I have a t-shirt on and oversize jacket I immediately put her in and zip it up - in hindsight a fucking horrible thing to do to anyone. We kiss and its amazing, just flirty kisses with a lil tongue but our mouths fit like glove. Last 2 kisses like this ended in a 4 and 5 year relationship. No this is not a romance post.

I leave the kitchen light of and bring her into my flat/squat/crack den - shes shocked. 'Is that your bed?' yup, and sofa, and occasional chair. Immediately she clocks me, what am i on, deny, don't fuckn lie to me what are you on - well 7 day fucking crack binge does seem great so i say 4 ritalin (but shes busted the 50 fucking g's of lido) and a couple of vodka screw caps - she goes of on one over the caps, but lets the massive bag of powder slide. I don't want to look a her, i do want to, but i'm feeling shit. eventually we sit indian style, i take a lecture. Shes let down. Says I knew you were on something last few days - our first chat (6hrs) you were sober and I couldn't believe I met someone like you, I said the same (in my head i said well actually I was totally of my tits the whole time you've known me) she says your so different sober (i am?) I cant have drugs or anything round my kids, we can't be together if your using. I agree - and i fucking want this, I believe she would be the missing bit in my life. I can build ebikes and write get a little place by the shore, sen her everyday - sober - I remind her that bar being korean shes broken all my rules, too young, 3 kids, mental issues. shouts at me, tells me how to live. Admit I'm not perfect but neither is she. That from flipping to 'its over' to an unannounced visit is a lil bi-polar. but shes so beautiful and were on completely the same wave length - both kinda disatisfied we kiss more, it's over an hour and we have to run back to her car. Some how make a 2nd date but she tells me don't put all your eggs in one basket... today I suggested that we have an affair, thro christmas, over our birthdays. Then I'll either move close to her or leave the country. She tells me she gets 60 messages a day on POF and 200 meet me's.

We can't talk today because its a big social worker day and the ex has applied for full custody. Ok, but I thought I'd just look at POF - there she is - and shes changed her profile photo to the one I liked but she went mental over because I shouldn't like her with make up.

What a cluster fuck.

This is amazing! Be careful but more of the same please. I enjoyed reading it as I've done ridiculous stuff like this. I once contacted a girl from work that was into me on our day off. I met up with her benzoed to fuck and after managing a 'date' where I kept forgetting what I was saying I asked if she'd like to come back with me... I decided to take her to score crack and smack with me. She's completed the mission then went home. I wonder what went wrong? :P
 
How is everyone this evening? After finishing off my meth last night I slept in til 5pm today. Eyes are almost sore from playing Tomb Raider for so long, the new one is brilliant. As a result tonight I likely won't be able to sleep so I'm sat up watching old movies, decided to have some of the H I have in my stash. Complimented with some nice hybrid weed. Thinking about cooking a pizza the stuff gives me mega munchies. :P

Anyone else up late on the late shift this fine Monday night?
 
Blasting hollywood undead because the depression's creeping back into my brain and I need something to scare it off that isn't a 3-FPM binge. Tempted to go back on the pills so I have a decent holiday instead of carrying on with the taper like I'm supposed to, but that'd just mean doing all this crap again during exam season, which is probably worse. Then again, exam season is traditionally stimulant season, so maybe I wouldn't notice the crap in my head through all the drugs. Probably better to just keep doing what the docs tell me to though, I don't want to be hiding in bed with light sensitivity all christmas either...
 
I CT'd off Seroquel 8 days ago with notable effect yet, I'm wondering though is it because I've not been well I've not noticed. Plus I've been high. One of my best mates is on Sertaline and it seems to have done him no good really. Stims are not a good thing to mask problems with because with that drug category in particular it all seems to unravel rather quickly, but sometimes they do help to function when your feeling low. I was bad for using coke when depressed, try not to do drugs if I'm in that frame of mind anymore. Infact since I cut out the people causing most of my problems I don't tend to feel so depressed heh.
 
I CT'd off Seroquel 8 days ago with notable effect yet, I'm wondering though is it because I've not been well I've not noticed. Plus I've been high. One of my best mates is on Sertaline and it seems to have done him no good really. Stims are not a good thing to mask problems with because with that drug category in particular it all seems to unravel rather quickly, but sometimes they do help to function when your feeling low. I was bad for using coke when depressed, try not to do drugs if I'm in that frame of mind anymore. Infact since I cut out the people causing most of my problems I don't tend to feel so depressed heh.

Yeah I'm holding off the urge for now cause it'll be worse in the long run, just sucks in the moment. Maybe I should just smoke the rest of the weed to hand, probably better than stimming in the short run.

Sert has done exactly what it's supposed to for me, which was great except the side effects meant I was only slightly more useful on sert than when I was depressed. Hopefully come march I'll be back to getting things actually fixed instead of just holding shit off with antidepressants. And then I'll have a lot less to worry about enjoying the wonders of the pharmaceutical world : D
 
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