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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CCII, not XCII.... We need charts, calling Raashole! <3

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Yea this forum is addictive I dunno what I'd do without BL.
Dunno whats up with me last few days I've felt so incredibly exhausted. Yesterday i kept nodding off like when im on opiates i had to go to bed for hours. I really need to get sleep i can't keep awake.

Love you all stay safe yeah?! <3

Evey
 
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Probably from missing a sleep when you dabbled in 3FPM - missing just one sleep fucks me up for a few days nowadays.
 
MUSHET said:
Good on you matey!
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Thank you!
After reading around it seems many were expecting me to be gone for a while, I was only planning on 48hrs from the very start!

The "banter" and familiarity of this forum has never failed to cheer me up, so it seemed a lil' counter-intuitive to be absent when BL would be the best thing for me.

<3
 
Believe it or not Sprout I've actually done months on end before. And not even looked. Usually though only when working, with a busy social life to match. You find the internet much less attractive then. Recently I've hit a bit of a rough year. And to top it off 2 days ago a guy who was like a little brother to me was found dead, 21 years old. Nobody knows why but probably drugs related. It's shook me up quite badly although I've not mentioned it here til now. I've lost alot of friends for someone who's only mid 20's, but that one has stung badly. I've not been out of bed til 5-6pm because I just can't face much more of it. This is eerily similar to last Xmas, when I was out with another friend on Xmas eve, great night and he was in great form, the best I'd ever seen him infact. Only to have a call from his mother on Boxing day, to say he was dead, he'd hung himself. It was very surreal, because the night before it was like he couldn't have been in better form or better crack. I'll always remember that night. It seems really quite disproportionate how many people close to me have died, and how close I've been in their last moments in a couple of cases :(

Another thing that's shaken me up about this recent ones is that through my own problems with drugs I've been avoiding alot of people. And he had phoned and text a couple of times seeing if I wanted to pop round. I made excuses and ignored him a couple of times. My head just wasn't in the right place at the time. Now I'll never see him again. Life sucks sometimes.
 
Shit, I'm sorry to hear that Sid. <3
It's awful to lose a friend by any means, and I know the guilt all too well.
PM me if you wanna talk outside the forum.

<3
 
Cheers Sprout but I guess it won't bring him back. Just seems like something actually could have been done and maybe if I wasn't self absorbed I could have helped. I knew he had his problems, and all the people who will be around now posting shit on Facebook most of them weren't there when he had his problems, he said that to me before I was one of the few who was. So it sucks that in the end I wasn't when maybe he needed me most, because he was like a little bro.

I guess maybe this is why I'm pigging out on the drugs. How's the sobriety going now?

I'm just downloading this at the recommendation of bcf, looks pretty good http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118421/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
 
@Sprout - yeah, I think a lot of folk assumed you were exiting for a long time, like you were going to fucking Jail in a Turkish prison or something.

@Sid - Jesus man, that's been a rough year. Your mate hanging himself just after seeing him, had he been depressed, did people know about his mental state? Poor guy, when people think that's the only way out, it's incredibly sad.
 
No mate he was a bit of a lad. We'd been out in the town drinking, some lovely flake, and generally having a good laugh. Went up to his new flat, he was more or less showing me how well he was doing. He'd just spent a fortune having it done up and it really was some pad. Then we went down to this birds for a party, he was meant to be going to his mums for Xmas dinner, I had the same plan. At 8am I called it a day and left, he gave me a temazepam for when I got home, he'd had a couple. Then on Xmas day at mid day he text me saying fuck this he'd fallen out with his girlfriend, and wasn't going to his mums for dinner. Fancy coming and getting wrecked he'd pay for it all. I didn't realise at the time how bad a sign this was and told him to sober up and go to his mums, never heard anything more. I think he took too much temaz and drink, and emotionally from the fall out with his chick he lost the plot and apparently had a very nasty call with her then hung himself. It was very hard for those of us who were with him to believe at the time, as he was probably in the best form out of the 4 of us the night before. Talking rubbish and serious stuff but in very high spirits. It's amazing how fast things can change :\

Lol at Sprout in a Turkish Prison. Midnight Express style. I think when we think of that we are all ok. I'm actually really looking forwards to chrismas with the family this year. I've even said I'd like to help with the cooking. It's actually become a hobby I really enjoy is cooking great food for the family/extended family when they're round, the old me would never say this but I really appreciate these moments nowadays.
 
Fucking hell, it sounds like your mate made a mistake during his moment of despair, if he'd just went to bed he'd have woken up probably a bit hungover and the suicidal thoughts would have been buried. That's a tragedy.

I'm so glad that there is no gun culture in the UK, I'm pretty sure if it was normal for households to have a gun here I'd have done something utterly stupid years ago in a moment of doom or dread. It just seems too easy, aren't suicide rates amongst men even higher in countries like U.S.? It's too quick, once that trigger is pulled. When your mate hanged himself he was so full of benzos and whatever else he probably didn't think it through properly. Poor guy man, I'm sorry that you lost a good mate like that, Christmas as well.
 
Does anybody have epiphanies or sense of increased empathy and being able to see better (presumably an assumption) through other people's eyes after going very hard at alcohol for a few days?

This is strange, I've always considered booze to do the exact opposite of this and that's what it exactly does when you are drunk. If you listen to the drunken thoughts it's never too good.

But fuck me, it's almost like I'm stoned in a way. The trail of my thoughts at least.
 
MUSHET said:
I'm so glad that there is no gun culture in the UK, I'm pretty sure if it was normal for households to have a gun here I'd have done something utterly stupid years ago in a moment of doom or dread. It just seems too easy, aren't suicide rates amongst men even higher in countries like U.S.? It's too quick, once that trigger is pulled. When your mate hanged himself he was so full of benzos and whatever else he probably didn't think it through properly. Poor guy man, I'm sorry that you lost a good mate like that, Christmas as well.
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For sure man, it would be a disaster if guns were legal here. Also think with the drink culture here, someone kicks off, wakes up with a murder charge because guns are legal. That must happen in the U.S, it's easy to only see red in the heat of the moment. Yeah that's the conclusion we came to about it too man, I'd never even heard him sound depressed before, just a case of flipping out. When I think about I think in many ways benzo's are the most dangerous category of drugs out there in terms of how dangerous even the nicest person can be when they black out, or mix with alcohol. A fine line between useful tool and dangerous nightmare.

@1394, I think I know what you mean. Sometimes during a night of being drunk there are also moments of clarity in the conversation for me, where I actually feel like I am very on the ball. Strange given that alcohol is a depressant.
 
^^ I don't necessarily mean "everyone around me drunk, I'm lucid in this second and we're talking a load of shit" type thing. Kinda similar but not really there. Oh well
 
That's not what I meant either if you read my reply I'm not quite sure how you deduced that. :\ As I said a moment of clarity like the conversation is flowing and everyone quite aware and happily involved in the discussion, which could also be perceived as empathy.
 
Sid said:
That's not what I meant either if you read my reply I'm not quite sure how you deduced that. :\ As I said a moment of clarity like the conversation is flowing and everyone quite aware and happily involved in the discussion, which could also be perceived as empathy.
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If you'd read my original post you'd see that I wasn't talking about "being drunk" either, but having these thoughts sober after going on a very heavy and lengthy binge. :)
 
1394 said:
If you'd read my original post you'd see that I wasn't talking about "being drunk" either, but having these thoughts sober after going on a very heavy and lengthy binge. :)
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I'd imagine it's more of a comparable perception thing, as in the almost sociopathic mind state of alcoholism being juxtaposed against what is a "normal" spectrum of emotions.
My emotions are completely fucked after an alcohol bender, quite often tinged with regret, guilt and sorrow.

<3
 
It depends how drunk I am, but I getcha, it's like you become much more insightful than usual, as you say moments of clarity and being on the ball. Usually this is at 6am back in the house, when it's a deep meaningful one to one conversation with a best friend. You've been drinkimg for 12 hours constantly but manged to drink yourself soberish. Usually I feel like I've become a psychological genius, I can psycho analyise like Sigmund Freud, I know all of the answers, but somehow back in reality I keep getting all of the questions wrong, regarding my own life anyway.

Edit: @sprout, oh yeah, defo man, next day I'm like an emotional wreck, an anxiety filled twitching mess of a human being. The night before I was certain I was 'winning' and loving life, the next day you better lock the gun cabinet, ol' grampa's shotgun might be getting locked and loaded in a Private Pile like moment in Full Metal Jacket as I'm certain I'm in a "world of shit". Talk about an emotional u-turn intake space of 12 hours.
 
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Yes but generally these moments of clarity and empathy on any drug when you have them usually you tend to feel them the next day. I know if I am drinking with people and the conversation goes that way, that I am feeling a moment of mental clarity, or even having some sort of epiphany, then the next day I will have a moment thinking about that and feel the same way. Same with MDMA.

Usually this is at 6am back in the house, when it's a deep meaningful one to one conversation with a best friend. You've been drinkimg for 12 hours constantly but manged to drink yourself soberish. Usually I feel like I've become a psychological genius, I can psycho analyise like Sigmund Freud, I know all of the answers, but somehow back in reality I keep getting all of the questions wrong, regarding my own life anyway.
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Haha couldn't have put it any better than that. Excellent analogy :)
 
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