Ghouls and doubt

Mentally stable for now but seriously discontent with how my life is. This merits a little backdrop info. I was playing a game recently and dealing with a quest for Raul a gun fighting ghoul and hes going into this conversation about how just going around shooting to solve problems never seems to do anything good. Thats when I started this long imaginary lecture centered around the thought that maybe we didnt always solve things too amicably but at least we arent a bunch of cowards hiding inside wishing things would get better. No at least we actually were out there making a difference. Then I realised I was one of those cowards I spoke of. In real life anyway and that I really have any room to speak about anything because I do not have the courage or willpower to make change myself.
This is a vary dismaying realisation because it brings up old wounds that still wont heal since i wont face the issues, and guns or no still far to scared to make real change. I know that you cant reform yourself overnight but i can barely see what i need to do to help myself. Fuck I hate procrastinating but im so damn good at it.

 

We are all cowards, its nothing to be ashamed of but always something to work on!
Hope Im interpreting you right here but what stood out to me is this...If you can barely see what you need to do, how can you procrastinate over it; when you dont know what it is that you need to change?

Maybe you can start breaking things down for yourself instead of trying to scale the larger, whole problem in it's entirety.
If you need to focus on dealing with the 'old wounds' then deal with them first(or whatever is realistically manageable at the given time), each one individually and postpone any other issues until the chosen problem has been addressed first.
It is really difficult to put your self under the pressure of handling too much, too soon; also, it can be so overwhelming that you remain stuck back at square one all the time, defeated and berating yourself for your failure.
You can beat procrastination by tackling the parts and making little changes. These are mini-victories that will add up to larger one's as time goes on and whats most important is that you will be reaping the fruits of your labour by using a process- oriented way of dealing rather than cutting yourself down for failing at dealing with a huge, knotted complication.
Good luck with it and dont let your good self be dis-heartend by
yourself. Cutting yourself some slack will always help with the momentum to keep going.

 

well first off thank you vary much for the support. second dont remember this post was on dxm most likely. im vary introspective on it and also the post is vary convoluted another sure sign. was gonna delete it but there is truth in it so will keep it for sake of reflection. dxm also helps me sort out my brain kinda also makes me get overly involved in stories like that. but thanks for the advice i needed it even if its like a year later.