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Ghosting

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golego55

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2022
Messages
321
Has anyone here undergone the experience of being ghosted in the dating world? Care to share?

Never been through it myself but I can't imagine going through a shitstorm like that.
 
I will tell fast, but it's a long story, I met an 20 years old girl, I was her teacher during some weeks, now it's not, she told me about a lot of stuff, traumas of her and all, quite BPD like to be honest, but she seems like a good person with a good heart, now I'm not so sure... it's so strange, she did everything to speak with me in private and spending time with me, we have things in common, I see myself in her and in a way I also see my ex in her.. so well, I thought I was going to start a relationship sooner or later and it started with some mails, now, after 5 mails (mine first,(she asked for some help with an exam) and last...) seems over,
i think I commited the mistake of being too direct in the last one, but she told me things like she got a lot of affection for me and that's not typical from her and that she wanted to hug me when she saw me in the brink of crying when saying goodbye to the classroom...
well, this is quite strange to be honest, I don't get what's going on, perhaps tomorrow she'll reply but I have the feeling she has reevaluated the situation and she doesn't think this will work so she's ghosting me +48 hours atm.
I think more than 72h is clear ghosting. I will send her a last email just to see if she reacts, on thursday, and then if it doesn't happen, it's clearly over. Sad thing, because I was already advancing in my mind a good love story.
 
Here it's almost 4am... so I'm gonna sleep, I needed a fucking 5mg diazepam, gaba and kratom to quiet my fucking mind and heart and being a bit sleepy, also, when I'm this nervous my blood sugar skyrockets, It's so stupid that I thought this could work, but I saw something really special on her, and she is not underage, so it should be ok, even with the age gap, it would be better with some other "teacher" but they seem too cold snob or "professional", not the type of girl I like (sweet, innocent, hopeful)...
I'll read you tomorrow morning, my new kratom package arrives! ahha
 
Not dating, but I re-met a girl I used to be friends with when I was really young about a month ago and when I got back from that trip she didn't hit me back for like a week plus 😭
 
daturetard said:
Not dating, but I re-met a girl I used to be friends with when I was really young about a month ago and when I got back from that trip she didn't hit me back for like a week plus 😭
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It's so desperating, in my case finally the girl replied, but now I feel paranoid and I also feel that she re-evaluated something... now I'll probably reply later too (like 2 days, instead of 3) because I dislike the waiting, so then you start this tug-n-war relationship which is unhealthy but it's based on something, some sort of power struggle that I hate.
In fact I will send her a karaoke song sung by myself, so perhaps she likes it, but it's going to take a while for me to do it... I really disliked the waiting
 
67 years old, I hate being ghosted by anyone. It's downright fkn rude. And no one answers their phones anymore to actually talk. People are afraid to actually engage in a real conversation. It's almost all text shit now. It gives people time to think about how to answer or to completely ignore a question or other things. Social interactions are now just typing words...and responding when people feel like it. Real human communication has morphed into shit. Yeah, this opinion is coming from a "Dumb Boomer" which seems to be my label.

Women ghosting me? History. Fck em'. Of course there's aways the rare occasion that soething came up r happened where they can't text back right awy but when they do, theu would apologize and state why. I've had that happen to me and repsonds back as soon as a I can, saying the honest reason why.

But if it's just out the blue and they ghost me, they can fck off. Cuz' I know 99% of people have their phone constantly on them. You'r e just not high on their prioirty list, thats the bottom line.
 
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I was raped by the police or neglected on okcupid

O &
christmas singing GIF by South Park
 
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I think they could just be narcissistic. I'm sure there's a specific term for it.

Like, "I'm too good for you". Come play chase.
 
Yeh I've been ghosted a few times (honestly doesn't suck as much as it sounds, you just move on). My go to story for being ghosted though is getting kicked out of the girl I was seeing at the times apartment at 1 in the morning (I got kicked out cause she has bpd and just decided she didn't want me there anymore :LOL:). At first it sucked but then I just went to the only place that was open at that time, the casino 💀. I know, normally that would be a bad move but I ended up winning a few hundred on roulette :) and drank to my hearts content until the morning arrived and I was able to take a traino home :p. (small edit that was the last time I saw her and thats how its a ghosting story
:p)
 
Vanilla_Incense said:
Yeh I've been ghosted a few times (honestly doesn't suck as much as it sounds, you just move on). My go to story for being ghosted though is getting kicked out of the girl I was seeing at the times apartment at 1 in the morning (I got kicked out cause she has bpd and just decided she didn't want me there anymore :LOL:). At first it sucked but then I just went to the only place that was open at that time, the casino 💀. I know, normally that would be a bad move but I ended up winning a few hundred on roulette :) and drank to my hearts content until the morning arrived and I was able to take a traino home :p. (small edit that was the last time I saw her and thats how its a ghosting story
:p)
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All depends man, theoretically, it's just "ok, let's forget about this.." and move on but if you are starting to be in love with that person and that person "betrays" the trust you put into her.. and on top of that you were like more than a year without flirting with anyone after a harsh break up/divorce, then it's pretty fucked up for one's self-esteem, don't you think? I mean, there's super stoic people who would just say nah, it's not a big a deal, but it's pretty crooked to being ghosted in certain emotional settings.
I'm again not sure if this girl I talked about it's ghosting or not, now I care less about it, but the first time it was hard to be waiting several days, now it's like I threw all the cards in the table (it's an spanish expression, something like being all in) because I sent her a karaoke of me singing a good song of into the wild film, and some photos, so it's like, if she doesn't reply to that, it's totally clear that I was being too "risky" in this bet and it wasn't meant to be.
I always play hard with someone I think I could love, I'm not one of those people who wait too much to go all in if I see something special in a girl.
I feel like an adolescent again, to be honest.... haha
 
Kaori said:
I think they could just be narcissistic. I'm sure there's a specific term for it.

Like, "I'm too good for you". Come play chase.
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That's actually the case in a lot of girls/guys, the worst case scenario.
Some people say that 10% of people are psychopaths, I don't think that's the case but I would say that at least 10% are in some complicated cluster like Cluster B (BPDs, Psychopaths, Sociopaths, narcissistic people...)
People without proper empathy.
 
Neuroborean said:
All depends man, theoretically, it's just "ok, let's forget about this.." and move on but if you are starting to be in love with that person and that person "betrays" the trust you put into her.. and on top of that you were like more than a year without flirting with anyone after a harsh break up/divorce, then it's pretty fucked up for one's self-esteem, don't you think? I mean, there's super stoic people who would just say nah, it's not a big a deal, but it's pretty crooked to being ghosted in certain emotional settings.
I'm again not sure if this girl I talked about it's ghosting or not, now I care less about it, but the first time it was hard to be waiting several days, now it's like I threw all the cards in the table (it's an spanish expression, something like being all in) because I sent her a karaoke of me singing a good song of into the wild film, and some photos, so it's like, if she doesn't reply to that, it's totally clear that I was being too "risky" in this bet and it wasn't meant to be.
I always play hard with someone I think I could love, I'm not one of those people who wait too much to go all in if I see something special in a girl.
I feel like an adolescent again, to be honest.... haha
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Yeah fair. I'm not going to pretend to understand what its like to move on from a divorce (Probably pretty rough, hope you're doing better now :)). With the ghosting aspect I get it, but I reckon it's pretty common now with the dating scene. If there's a real connection with a girl you're seeing she won't just up and ghost you. Hopefully you find someone you have a real connection with :)
 
Vanilla_Incense said:
Yeah fair. I'm not going to pretend to understand what its like to move on from a divorce (Probably pretty rough, hope you're doing better now :)). With the ghosting aspect I get it, but I reckon it's pretty common now with the dating scene. If there's a real connection with a girl you're seeing she won't just up and ghost you. Hopefully you find someone you have a real connection with :)
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No, I didn't go through a divorce but a difficult and toxic relationship with a girl with BPD, quite complicated honestly, 6 years.
That's the thing, I was so sure there was a real connection, as you said I don't think someone that you have a connection with will ghost you, but that's exactly the issue, that if it happens to me then I'll feel very insecure about my own feelings and intuition because normally when I've felt the connection things have worked out properly, and now if it doesn't happen, being 7 years out of the dating pool... it's like something have changed and I've lost my intuition or something like that... i hope that's not the case.
 
Neuroborean said:
No, I didn't go through a divorce but a difficult and toxic relationship with a girl with BPD, quite complicated honestly, 6 years.
That's the thing, I was so sure there was a real connection, as you said I don't think someone that you have a connection with will ghost you, but that's exactly the issue, that if it happens to me then I'll feel very insecure about my own feelings and intuition because normally when I've felt the connection things have worked out properly, and now if it doesn't happen, being 7 years out of the dating pool... it's like something have changed and I've lost my intuition or something like that... i hope that's not the case.
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Thats wild that after 6 years she ghosted you. Don't be too harsh on yourself because it's definitely not your fault for it ending like that.

I'm young so I don't know how the dating scene was before but I get the impression it has changed a lot due to technology (phone bad :LOL: ). If you feel like your intuition is off it probably isn't, like I said before I'm young so I wouldn't know how it was before but I do feel like it's harder to connect with people now (I'm not a pessimist about it but I do think it just takes quite a bit of effort (well worth the effort though)). Just put yourself out there and see what happens :p
 

GHOSTED?​

it ended
with an explo-
sion of silence
deafening my
defenses.

I was left
without reasons,
only worries
projecting from
past tenses.

why did she?
I do not know
why she parted
from me in such
a sad way.

no answers,
so all questions
I must forget.
while they're recalled,
my nerves fray.

i may have
doubted how much
her love was real,
yet never thought
it was fake.

she sometimes
did surprise me
with acts of love.
now she's done it
with heartache.

~psychoblast~
 
Vanilla_Incense said:
Thats wild that after 6 years she ghosted you. Don't be too harsh on yourself because it's definitely not your fault for it ending like that.

I'm young so I don't know how the dating scene was before but I get the impression it has changed a lot due to technology (phone bad :LOL: ). If you feel like your intuition is off it probably isn't, like I said before I'm young so I wouldn't know how it was before but I do feel like it's harder to connect with people now (I'm not a pessimist about it but I do think it just takes quite a bit of effort (well worth the effort though)). Just put yourself out there and see what happens :p
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No, you didn't understand well,
I had a 6 years relationship with a BPD girl, we broke up, then I met a young girl 20 years old, I'm 35. She did like some sort of 3 day ghosting and then she wrote, then now she's doing it again but worse, 4 days, and I think this is going to be the real ghosting, as I feel she's not into commitment of any sorts and she saw I'm serious with my expectatives so she's scared.
 
wow guys, I've never been so obsessed for anyone...
It's like some crazy spell ...she replied in a way.. I would say almost despising my effort to reach her. Normally, I would just forget at ditch her but for some reason I cannot stop thinking about how to reply her.
i don't know if I should tell her honestly that I disliked her message, asking if something happens, asking if there's something that she doesn't want to tell me...
It's difficult. The other option is doing like nothing happent, but it's even worse, as it would be fake and pretending that I'm so "strong" that I didn't mind, which is clearly not true. I don't believe in the "fake it till you make it" strategy in these cases, I'm too adhd not to be honest.
 
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