[mention]Bomber[/mention] was confused, and thought you wanted to kill yourself because you couldn't find any ketamine and heroin, and are jonesing hard for a fix. He meant you'll find some soon enough, so don't off yourself.
He didn't realize you wanted heroin and ketamine TO kill yourself WITH, because you were . . . embarrassed or something. I can't remember. Thought you "looked bad" to your daughter or some shit. Counted your days of sobriety and then I posted and you're off the wagon (I do have that effect of making people need a drink real bad). In between you're writing a book about Idaho and applying to school, so asking for heroin and ketamine does sound odd if you just joined the thread.
Now you want to jump off a building.
I watched that documentary about Golden Gate Bridge suicides, partly because I used to live nearby. Thing that always bothered me with that "scenic" way to go, is the water won't kill you. No, you'll hit the water hard enough to snap your neck or at least several bones in your legs, then float back up for breath, before being swept out to sea. Involuntary panic will have you trying to kick your broken legs (if the nerves still connect) for hours as you bob up and down, until exhaustion sets in and you finally drown, clawing at the surface, lungs burning.
But there's rarely a body to bother with, or at least a whole one, after the fish nibble and the bloat. So your daughter would be spared that part.