psytaco
Bluelighter
I guess I should give some background before I ask on advice:
over 2 years ago I met and feel in love with an American girl. She was on univiersity exchange in Australia. She was incredible beautiful, the type of woman who turns heads everywhere she goes. she was also very smart and for the most part a very loving and caring person. We spent 5 months together, and then she returned to the states spent 6 months apart but still in a relationship. I saved up to visit her in the US and stayed with her family, then we went travelling for 6 months together in Latin America. there was then 2 months apart but together and then she moved to Australia on a working holiday visa and we lived together in Melbourne. This was for about 6 months.
I could tell she struggling with personal issues whilst here. She was very depressed and anxious. but she had always told me she loved me dearly and it had nothing to do with the relationship. She had difficulty making friends, was worried about money and was working in a job that was beneath her. We had made plans to get married so that we could be together for when she moved back to the US next year to start medical school. so yeah, she was the love of my life. I never loved someone so deeply. and i was prepared to give up everything for her so we could move to the US.
for the month before we broke up I could see her really slipping. Her mental state was getting worse and I was paying money for her to see a psychologist to help her. Up until the end she said that how she felt had nothing to do with the relationship.
then finally, on one morning at 5am she wasn't back home. she told me she would be out be back around midnight. So I called her and asked what was up. She told me she had slept with another man, a co worker two days previously and was now at his house. she came back two hours later and as soon as she got out of the taxi she told me she wanted to be single and that she wanted to break up. I waas fucking devasted! then 6 hours later she moved out. I saw her 4 times since she has left. she is now back in the US.
basically, my world has been turned upside down. i went from having who I thought was my soulmate to feeling like a complete fucking idiot and having my heart ripped in two. She still maintains that I couldn't of done anything to keep her, that she didn't want to get married and that what was making her depressed was loving me but not being ready to make that committment. Yet, she has her facebook profile picture as her with the guy she slept with.
Anyway, I have now ceased contact with her and told her I will contact her again when I am ready. I have blocked her on facebook as I feel she is keeping that picture up just to hurt me.
i still do love her and in many ways she is still the person I loved. she gave me two months worth of rent, has written me a nice letter to say goodbye, and made some effort to see me before going back to the states even though it caused her alot of pain, awakwardness and guilt. but at the same time she has been deliberately hurtful.
THE SOLUTION?
i can never win her back. she is gone and on the otherside of the world. It is doubtful I will ever see her again.
But I am so filled with anger now. I wake up angry and go to bed angry. i feel like the one thing I loved and cherished in this world has been completely and utterly destroyed and done so maliciously.
i just want to know of other people's experiences in moving on? and any tips? And how long it takes normally?
I feel I am doing the right things. seeing friends alot, throwing myself into work, exercising, even going on some dates with women. But I still feel this black void engulfing me. I hae ceased contact with her because it was doing nothing but doing my head in. being dependent on her replies and then getting pissed when she either didn't reply or replied in a fashion I wasn't happy with. I would like to contact her in the future and keep in contact just to see how she is going with life, but at the moment I am not ready. i don't feel there is any good in being in contact with her if I am just going to be angered by it or respond in anger to her.
So yeah, what do I do to get over this?
over 2 years ago I met and feel in love with an American girl. She was on univiersity exchange in Australia. She was incredible beautiful, the type of woman who turns heads everywhere she goes. she was also very smart and for the most part a very loving and caring person. We spent 5 months together, and then she returned to the states spent 6 months apart but still in a relationship. I saved up to visit her in the US and stayed with her family, then we went travelling for 6 months together in Latin America. there was then 2 months apart but together and then she moved to Australia on a working holiday visa and we lived together in Melbourne. This was for about 6 months.
I could tell she struggling with personal issues whilst here. She was very depressed and anxious. but she had always told me she loved me dearly and it had nothing to do with the relationship. She had difficulty making friends, was worried about money and was working in a job that was beneath her. We had made plans to get married so that we could be together for when she moved back to the US next year to start medical school. so yeah, she was the love of my life. I never loved someone so deeply. and i was prepared to give up everything for her so we could move to the US.
for the month before we broke up I could see her really slipping. Her mental state was getting worse and I was paying money for her to see a psychologist to help her. Up until the end she said that how she felt had nothing to do with the relationship.
then finally, on one morning at 5am she wasn't back home. she told me she would be out be back around midnight. So I called her and asked what was up. She told me she had slept with another man, a co worker two days previously and was now at his house. she came back two hours later and as soon as she got out of the taxi she told me she wanted to be single and that she wanted to break up. I waas fucking devasted! then 6 hours later she moved out. I saw her 4 times since she has left. she is now back in the US.
basically, my world has been turned upside down. i went from having who I thought was my soulmate to feeling like a complete fucking idiot and having my heart ripped in two. She still maintains that I couldn't of done anything to keep her, that she didn't want to get married and that what was making her depressed was loving me but not being ready to make that committment. Yet, she has her facebook profile picture as her with the guy she slept with.
Anyway, I have now ceased contact with her and told her I will contact her again when I am ready. I have blocked her on facebook as I feel she is keeping that picture up just to hurt me.
i still do love her and in many ways she is still the person I loved. she gave me two months worth of rent, has written me a nice letter to say goodbye, and made some effort to see me before going back to the states even though it caused her alot of pain, awakwardness and guilt. but at the same time she has been deliberately hurtful.
THE SOLUTION?
i can never win her back. she is gone and on the otherside of the world. It is doubtful I will ever see her again.
But I am so filled with anger now. I wake up angry and go to bed angry. i feel like the one thing I loved and cherished in this world has been completely and utterly destroyed and done so maliciously.
i just want to know of other people's experiences in moving on? and any tips? And how long it takes normally?
I feel I am doing the right things. seeing friends alot, throwing myself into work, exercising, even going on some dates with women. But I still feel this black void engulfing me. I hae ceased contact with her because it was doing nothing but doing my head in. being dependent on her replies and then getting pissed when she either didn't reply or replied in a fashion I wasn't happy with. I would like to contact her in the future and keep in contact just to see how she is going with life, but at the moment I am not ready. i don't feel there is any good in being in contact with her if I am just going to be angered by it or respond in anger to her.
So yeah, what do I do to get over this?