Getting life together help

[James15]

Hello bluelighters, im glad to say this will be my first post however ive been lingering around these forums for maybe like a year. I have came here to try get help and support on trying to sort my life out here. Prepare for a wall of text!

So id like to start the story off with my age, i turned 16 that september and i have quite a history of drug abuse sadly. It all started off with weed in march 2014 which i didn't exactly enjoy as it made me sick however ive been toking daily for maybe a year and a half which id like to quit.

One day my dealer had ecstasy and i went ahead and tried it after a few days of research but as i was young i had no clue what to expect. I tried it and experienced the most happiest few hours of my life. This quickly became a every weekend habit, id sit in myself or go out with friends either way i was gonna get some e. About 5 months into this my brain was fried, the comedowns were unbearably awful. Terrible depression for ages.

I was only taking 1 pill a weekend for most of the time the odd occasion maybe 2. When i realized i had to quit i cut back however i still done it. I dosed it like another 15 times after that this time, i would start taking 2 more often when i would decide to do it but not all times. I would walk around in a fog for days after dosing and feeling extremely sad and guilty for all drug use.

Even when i get high on weed i feel guilty of putting a drug into my body, when i was younger i thought drugs were extremely evil and dark and i can still to this day remember me promising myself never to do them. I have also recently been abusing ritalin and painkillers like morphine and have tried oxys too.

I feel bored all the time and my life resolves around drugs, I money and dept. I have been stealing alcohol and painkillers from family and i recently stole some money from my friend. Ive been abusing ritalin quite a bit recently and the comedowns from that are just hurrendous.

I really want to make my family proud and inside i dont feel like drugs are even for me. i like getting high as i zone out and i can forget about these problems but i think i want to stop weed as my memory is terrible as you can imagine. When i get high i can sometimes get extremely depressed and realize what im doing is getting me no where in life and that i need to spend time with my family as they dont live forever.

I think i could hold off taking e its just weed thats going to be hard to detox from. I cant sleep at night without it, everything including gaming isnt as fun. I wish i could go back to my state of mind before i done weed, even though it was a parents divorce that made me try weed (lol) i still felt better then than i feel now.

I overthink things so much for example id think omg i need to talk to my family they could die in a couple of years. I think about family all the time as its really important to me. The way i feel now and the abuse of drugs i dont think ill feel the same ever again. I went through a stage of derealization after around 6 e pills like 3 months ago which was the most scariest and depressing feeling in my life.

I want to just be the way i was please help me.

Thanks for reading and i would really appreciate your support if you could steer me in the right direction.

 

[Zapgunn]

I know when I was a teenager I had a lot of fun smoking weed and taking E. Those were the glory days for me, before I got into harder drugs in my 20's and became an addict. I guess first you should ask yourself, "Am I enjoying my drug use?" If you are, then thats cool, but it sounds like you might not be. When I was a teenager experimenting w/ drugs like that I NEVER even thought about stopping, bc I was having too much fun, but it sounds like you might have a better head on your shoulders than I did.

So yeah, if your thinking you need to stop, your feeling guilty and depressed, and your already having negative consequences, then I agree that you should stop, or at least take a break.
you haven't gone too far down the rabit hole yet, so quitting shouldn't be too rough, plus your young so your brain will probably bounce back quickly. Quitting weed sucks, you will have a hard time falling asleep and be bored for a couple weeks, but you should be back to normal after that, it doesnt take long. BE CAREFUL with the oxy and morphine, man. If you think marijuana withdrawal is bad, than trust me, you dont ever want to experience the living hell that is opiate withdrawal.

Just from what your telling me here it sounds like you have a high potential for addiction (stealing, obsessing, depression, etc) I was doing all the same things at 16, so no judgement, but I would stay away from things like opiates, meth, or benzos. Smoking weed and taking molly is one thing... stuff like oxy & morphine is a whole other ball game.

 

[manboychef]

marijuana is habit forming. Opiates are dependence inducing. Like zappgun said; be careful with these. In fact, I would just put those to the side until you actually have pain that requires them. If you abuse them you will find yourself in a world of pain if you ever get surgery due to them not being as effective. If I have dental surgery, or routine surgery I just don't take the pain meds because of my previous abuse. If that is no ta good indicator as too how life changing and terror inducing opiates can be, then I don't know what is.

You are incredibly young and you have a lifetime ahead of you. If you find you cannot moderate your drug usage..IE (you either over indulge or go all puritan about it) then maybe you should just not indulge at all. I am the type that I cannot even be near opiates without intense cravings. I also have to be really careful with benzos because I was dependent on those for quite a while. For you, I would just steer clear of every drug except the occasional psychedelic. I am going to make this warning once again: Do not abuse opiates, benzos, or alcohol. The withdrawal from these drugs will make you wish you were dead.

 

[megatron6969]

I feel for you bro. I couldn't imagine using drugs when I was a teenager or even in my 20s.

I can tell you now. if you need weed to sleep then use it to sleep. Its healthier for you than benzos and ambiens and all that. Synthetic crap.


Stay away from opiates man. Theybcant be used for recreation of a problem fixer. They will take control over you.

You are still young enough to pull your life togetther. You sound you you posses the one thing that most don't have . A conscience. Put it to good use.

Get rid of any negative influences in your life. Friends or family. Get in college make great friends. The kind you can trust and depend on.

Using X is one thing same as with weed. But use recreational. Study and work hard all week in schoolm if you get asked to a party on a Sat afterbyoyr responsabkities are taken care of. Then pop some X if you want to. But do it and respect it and learn it's a reward for living properly and being a good person.

I know the guilt you must feel. I went till almost 40 years old and never stole so much as a candy bar and heroin made me homles and the type of person I always despised..

So stay. Away from bad drugs and bad people cause trust me you will be judged by who you hang out with and it might take 20 years to catcchbup to you but it will happen.

And remember not everyone who uses drugs. Is a criminal but a criminal is a criminal rather he uses drugs or not.