tellmystory
Greenlighter
DISCLAIMER: I use this website often for all of my drug related curiosities.. since I got clean, I stopped using it.. but I wanted to post this to give thanks to OTHER DRUGS for all the help it's given me along the years.. I have been reassured many times by OTHER DRUGS that what I had on my arm was not an abscess (and how to safely inject to avoid getting one)!! HAHA -- APOLOGIES FOR THE LONG POST.
(As for my drug dosages, I have an extreme sensitivity to medication and my dosage should not be an indicator for the amount YOU should take... 25mg of seroquel and 4mg of suboxone for the majority of the long-term heroin addicted population is not enough.)
Hello my name is A, I am a 24 yr. old female and a opioid junkie (main preference is my ex-lover, IV heroin). I just wanted to share that when I first got clean, I got on suboxone, which is not the *miracle drug* people claim it to be... I still had (have) to do a lot of therapy, groups and one on one sessions with doctors. I just want to warn people that the first six months-1 year, even on suboxone, was HELL for me. I had such intense anxiety (constant) that I had to take seroquel (25-75 mg) every four hours just to keep me leveled.
I went to the Dominican for about a week after being on subs for a month and it was the worst trip of my life... I was anxious the whole time and wanted to go home... I had hysterical panic attacks and the doctor on the resort had to inject me with VALIUM (didn't help at all because what I felt was more of an intense agitation, similar to psychosis, than anxiety... I think that's why after taking a bunch of seroquel and clonidine I finally went to sleep... although I do not suggest that anyone take more than what is prescribed to them.. it can have dangerous results).
Anyway, my anxiety was troubling me so much and I started to get auditory hallucinations (not voices, rather repetitive glass breaking, door slamming, explosions, etc.). I thought I was going crazy.. I thought that the heroin was cut with something that had given me permanent brain damage. I would get a weird tingling feeling in my head, it would be on and off, especially when I was stressed. I asked myself, "is this going to be my life now? I thought being clean would make things better?!" Yes, I was stuck in the WOE IS ME trap...
Things DID start to get better, the hallucinations stopped and my anxiety was reduced to panic attacks here and there... I got my life back on track, albeit very slowly, as I got used to FEELING again. I was diagnosed with anxiety and was able to treat it with DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy).
I WANT TO REMIND everyone that I was on suboxone the entire time (still am), I can't imagine what the past year would have been like without it... the funny thing is, my sub dose was only 4mg and my doctor said I wouldn't have as much anxiety if I went up in dosage... I didn't choose to go up, because I was (still am) stubborn as fuck and a bit of a masochist - I wanted to try and get through this with therapy instead of being over-medicated (I used to be on many psychiatric drugs)!!
I am back in school! I still take sub, but I have hobbies and a life (I love painting!!)... my anxiety comes and goes, but it's nothing like it was. the only thing is the sub makes my stomach hurt so fucking bad (severe constipation), but honestly, it's nothing like the heroin withdrawal pain!!
I am writing this because I want people to know that it gets BAD before it can get GOOD.. there is a saying in French.. apres la pluie, le beau temps.. it means... after it rains, the sun comes out.. I hate being sentimental, but I am so grateful that I didn't give up and go back to dope because of my anxiety.
I actually ended up having one slip within this period and it EXACERBATED my anxiety, which is a good things, because it has totally scared me from going back to using again.
New things I am worried about: getting off the suboxone, I am wanting to get off in JUNE (2015) and I am SCARED.
THANK YOU OTHER DRUGS FOR HELPING ME HAVE AN ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF RARE BENZODIAZEPINES HAHAHA...
(As for my drug dosages, I have an extreme sensitivity to medication and my dosage should not be an indicator for the amount YOU should take... 25mg of seroquel and 4mg of suboxone for the majority of the long-term heroin addicted population is not enough.)
Hello my name is A, I am a 24 yr. old female and a opioid junkie (main preference is my ex-lover, IV heroin). I just wanted to share that when I first got clean, I got on suboxone, which is not the *miracle drug* people claim it to be... I still had (have) to do a lot of therapy, groups and one on one sessions with doctors. I just want to warn people that the first six months-1 year, even on suboxone, was HELL for me. I had such intense anxiety (constant) that I had to take seroquel (25-75 mg) every four hours just to keep me leveled.
I went to the Dominican for about a week after being on subs for a month and it was the worst trip of my life... I was anxious the whole time and wanted to go home... I had hysterical panic attacks and the doctor on the resort had to inject me with VALIUM (didn't help at all because what I felt was more of an intense agitation, similar to psychosis, than anxiety... I think that's why after taking a bunch of seroquel and clonidine I finally went to sleep... although I do not suggest that anyone take more than what is prescribed to them.. it can have dangerous results).
Anyway, my anxiety was troubling me so much and I started to get auditory hallucinations (not voices, rather repetitive glass breaking, door slamming, explosions, etc.). I thought I was going crazy.. I thought that the heroin was cut with something that had given me permanent brain damage. I would get a weird tingling feeling in my head, it would be on and off, especially when I was stressed. I asked myself, "is this going to be my life now? I thought being clean would make things better?!" Yes, I was stuck in the WOE IS ME trap...
Things DID start to get better, the hallucinations stopped and my anxiety was reduced to panic attacks here and there... I got my life back on track, albeit very slowly, as I got used to FEELING again. I was diagnosed with anxiety and was able to treat it with DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy).
I WANT TO REMIND everyone that I was on suboxone the entire time (still am), I can't imagine what the past year would have been like without it... the funny thing is, my sub dose was only 4mg and my doctor said I wouldn't have as much anxiety if I went up in dosage... I didn't choose to go up, because I was (still am) stubborn as fuck and a bit of a masochist - I wanted to try and get through this with therapy instead of being over-medicated (I used to be on many psychiatric drugs)!!
I am back in school! I still take sub, but I have hobbies and a life (I love painting!!)... my anxiety comes and goes, but it's nothing like it was. the only thing is the sub makes my stomach hurt so fucking bad (severe constipation), but honestly, it's nothing like the heroin withdrawal pain!!
I am writing this because I want people to know that it gets BAD before it can get GOOD.. there is a saying in French.. apres la pluie, le beau temps.. it means... after it rains, the sun comes out.. I hate being sentimental, but I am so grateful that I didn't give up and go back to dope because of my anxiety.
I actually ended up having one slip within this period and it EXACERBATED my anxiety, which is a good things, because it has totally scared me from going back to using again.
New things I am worried about: getting off the suboxone, I am wanting to get off in JUNE (2015) and I am SCARED.
THANK YOU OTHER DRUGS FOR HELPING ME HAVE AN ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF RARE BENZODIAZEPINES HAHAHA...
