getting a roommate when you are married... would you?

[_a_A_C_c_]

my husband and i are getting a roommate in a month or so... it worked out rather well, his coworker needs a place to stay a few nights a week but doesn't want to split the rent evenly since he won't be there all the time. i am going to back to school and taking a massive pay reduction. my husband and i don't to significantly downsize nor do we want to have to live on a super tight budget.

most people just roll their eyes and have ceased questioning our relationship choices years ago (this is not the first bizarre thing we have done). but others are rather appalled that we would consider a roommate. so i am curious what BL thinks...

i am mostly curious about reactions from people who are married or in a rather long term relationship and are already living together alone. cause roommates are pretty common when you first start seeing someone or you are in college. but there are choices in my poll so you don't feel left out.

 

[Noodle]

Do as you will. But, I am very open minded and quite possibly a social libertarian.

Yay for boobies!

 

[Cohesion]

Life is dynamic! Everything is temporary. Sure!

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

the responses here won't sway our decision. i'm just curious because most of our friends seem very perplexed or even disgusted by the idea of living with someone else while married.

but we pretty much have a relationship where we do what we want with very little regards to social norms surrounding marriage. which has turned out rather well for us so far

 

[Cohesion]

Very cool. OTR, while we're here, what else comes to mind when you refer to doing things outside the norm?

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

so to not totally derail my thread (), i hid the list behind some tags.

Spoiler: very off topic ramblings

these are various things our friends/family find odd about us...

we lived apart for awhile. during that he time he had girl roommates and i had a boy roommate. it sort of had to do with one of us being in school and the other not wanting to move.

we take our own vacations. tho we also vacation together... i went to iceland with a guy friend a few months ago. my husband had no desire to come so he didn't. but it happens pretty often that one of us wants to go somewhere and the other person doesn't.

we have totally separate finances. household bills are usually split evenly (this being the first time that there is a huge disparity between incomes). i get lots of questions why we don't become roommates if this is how we handle things.

we don't get jealous or possessive very easily. which pretty much means that we tolerate things other people wouldn't. like i shared a bed with my guy friend in iceland. we both have close friends of the opposite sex that we hang out with alone. unless i am feeling left out, i don't care if he flirts with girls.

i guess we are both independent. i love him and we do spend lots of time together. but we don't stop each other from doing things that we want to do. my one friend summed it up pretty well when he "i ceased questioning anything you two did awhile ago. it is a lot easier than trying to make sense of it"

 

[maxalfie]

When I was married my best friend rented out the spare room in mine & my wifes house.
Never caused any problems,we all got on fine and his rent money really helped us out with paying the mortgage.

 

[neoblazing]

did it once never again make for strange dynamics but I am a hard arse at work and at home so I have always been hard to live with

 

[max_]

Sure!

 

[Lysis]

I had a roommate with a BF and the BF wanted the roommate to move out. It was different I suppose, because my roommate was my ex. lol There was nothing going on between us, but he didn't trust it. He had been cheated on by the last girl and she cheated with his friend, so I understood why he was like that.

Have you ever had a roommate before? My current one took advantage for a while until I bitched that he's a mooch and he was about to get his ass kicked out. He now buys groceries, pays the rent he promised me for a year (yeah, a year...) finally and the one thing I like is that he's a bum but I have him watch my dog while I'm at work. lol I keep weighing between asking him to leave and keeping him around, and right now, it's more advantageous for me to let him stay.

I don't think I'd let an SO tell me to get rid of him unless the SO offered me about a grand a month in payment. LOL

 

[llama112]

I just moved in with my boyfriend a couple months ago and I have to say that, if it could be avoided, I would definitely NOT have a roommate. I'd much rather get a smaller/less expensive place if it meant not having to share a place with a roommate.
I have had roommates in the past, during college/uni, and I hated them in general. I don't like having roommates and neither does my boyfriend so I know we'd both hate the living arrangement.
It would also be different if me and my bf got like the basement or top level to ourselves and only had to share the main level, or something along the lines of that. That would be okay for a bit anyway.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

animal_cookie, my marriage has a similar dynamic. He has little interest in travel. I do. So he said don't let me hold you back so I don't.
I make more money so I do not expect him to pay for half. He could if he worked 2-3 jobs. I don't want that although I wish our salaries we equal. I would rather spend time with him.

He has mentioned several times over the years about taking in a roommate to generate extra income. I have not been keen on this idea of sharing space even if it was with someone we know relatively well. I would be willing if it was temporary like up to 6 months and we were helping a friend out during their transition period. We have the space and the bathrooms but I am not sure if it would be worth the money as I have everything covered.

 

[munki]

I am living with my BF and we have roommates. They live in the basement of the house, and I rarely see them so it basically is like we have the house to ourselves. I don't really like one of them because he is a video game addict and we have to hear him yelling and cussing at his game for hours on end, in addition to him incapable of making eye contact and saying hello.

The other roommate is cool though, and its nice to have a conversation with someone other than the BF sometimes.

Overall it is a pretty chill living situation.

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

^we had a friend stay with us for 6 weeks a few months ago. the biggest issue was that she had a dog which annoyed my husband after awhile.

lysis, i have had good and bad roommate experiences. in general, i don't mind roommates if i still have my own space. i had a friend staying with me awhile back and he got on my nerves because he was always around.

 

[tricomb]

I think it could workout if it was a short-term thing, I like llamas post.

 

[Mariposa]

I see absolutely no problem with it. My s/o and I met as roommates (I know, I know) and we now have two others living with us. It is not ideal as our place would be better suited for 2-3, but as he's in school full-time, a break on the rent is welcome. It can work out really well or really badly. We anticipate that one of them will be moving out soon as she's got a parade of unsavory types staying the night several times per week.

It can work if it's the right fit. I have been the roommate of a couple before, and since they got along and had no drama, it was a good situation - I wish they hadn't moved out of state so they could live with us!