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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

getting a job made things worse. dunno what to do

Ninjetic

Ninjetic

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2004
Messages
1,092
Location
Tejas
I know I've whined about being unable to get a job, well now I got one and it makes me want to do things I don't normally think about doing (like getting the urge to drink at 8am) this job really sux, its already made me think if I would be good streaming crack, yes this job sux that much that I'm looking into dealing like I used to, but with
Much harder drugs. Shots so tucked up for le lately, I wanna quit this job already and I haven't even got my first paycheck yet (sorry for typos, my computer kicked the bucket the other day) fuck shit

No drugs
No life
 
That is the addict in you trying to pull you back to active addicton. Hold on take it one day at a time. Those feelings and urges to use or deal (which is also an addiction to a lifestyle) will fade. You will get use to normal life. (functional life as deemed by society).
 
It's just a shitty lil minimum wage job, but its driving me crazy. Like seriously, I'm a recovering meth addict, and this job is making all my former drug addictions rise to the sur.face. I hate this job and its only my first week on the register. Mmy boss doesn't like me (shes a bitch) as soon as I get home from my job, I break out the dank and the booze, I'm an aloholic so this job is kinda bad for me. Hell, even the fact that I sell cigarettes all day pissed me off (i quit smoking cigs nearly a decade ago) I feel a binge coming on soon....

This job sucks, i'd rather be working at wallmartz
 
oh no you wouldn't rather be working @ wallmart; lol. I've been there done that. That was my first job after prison and it wasn't any better. I found that the only job I could handle was the one where I was the boss. Being the boss has helped me stay clean from heroin. I think that it was the idea of control that has helped. Please don't fall pray to all of your addictions because they will only lead back to the big bad beast of meth.
 
I dunno walmart sucks pretty bad dude. I agree with the other person hang in there you will settle into a routine soon enough. In the meantime keep your eyes open for other oppertunities.

edit haha dude beat me too it fuck walmart.
 
It is profoundly hard, but it does, believe it or not, get easier. You are not your job-- what else are you doing besides working and drinking/smoking? Focus on that, make the job more of a means to an end rather than a sentence. You won't be doing this work forever, but for now that's just what it is: a means to an end. Combining the fact that you're trying to stay clean off meth, a monumental feat even in the most ideal conditions, with a lousy job... that spells disaster without something else to occupy your time.
 
Ninjetic said:
This job sucks, i'd rather be working at wallmartz
Click to expand...

Then quit your job and take one at Wal-Mart. I doubt it's all that difficult to get hired by the Big W.

Seriously, though, I think you're suffering from the 'grass is always greener complex.' Wal-Mart would be better than your current job. Dealing/using would be better than being in recovery. And so on.

It's okay, I think most of us go through bouts of this. For me, I want to be doing something intellectual when I'm doing something mundane, and then crave something simple and easy when I am pushing my mental limits. I want to be close to my hometown when I'm across the world, and want nothing more than to travel again now that I'm back home. I want vanilla protein powder when I just bought a jug of chocolate. I wish that my cat could play games like my old dogs could, but then when I get near a dog and start to cough and sneeze, I miss my cuddly little kitties. I could go on probably to the post character upper bound. And then wish I'd written a short, concise post after I hit the submit button.

I know that "moderation is key" is a popular phrase for TDSers/BLers to live by, but I think incorporating some of the Yin-Yang duality is also important at times. It does not really matter if you subscribe to it because you think the yin-yang looks cool or you're pursuing a PhD in Eastern thought. As a practical means to avoid monotony, rotating between different, contrasting things/places/lifestyles/etc can keep a person feeling satisfied longer than when one (by choice, even if one does not really think so) limits oneself to seeing something/place/circumstance only from one angle.

Keep your current job, or transfer to a similar role at Wal-Mart, but perhaps also deal a commodity for a second job (I'm not suggesting drugs on you, but there's speculative money out there to be made in coins, gold, action figures, etc.). Instead of rotating stimulants (meth) with calming agents (alcohol, weed), how about a morning jog and an evening dip in the pool or sweat in the sauna? I hope you can see where I am going. Even if the oscillating interests approach I'm describing is not in-your-face appealing at first, slowly incorporating this type of behaviour into your life will add balance in a non-threatening way. Try it out.
 
Yeah I know its hard to quit meth, well despite that I've been clean from meth for six Years now. it hasn't been hard to keep meth off my mind until recently, each day at work so far I've been thinking "damn, this job would be easier if I was tweaking"
I don't even like meth, I prefer mdma....and I haven't had any mdma for years either
 
Ah, I didn't see that.

RedLeader has made a lot of good points, and I'd like to flesh one out just a hair more. You don't like this job? Well, you're employed now, you can afford to live, so use this time to find something better. That's actually pretty standard carreer advice; many people never really stop looking for work, even if they're in their dream job. Keep doing your job as well as you can, but during your downtime see what else is around and apply other places. While it does sound like there's a bit of 'grass is greener' going on, a better job might give less relapsing ideation.

At the same time though, you could also try to make this job more bearable too while you're there. Rather than focusing on the negative, which triggers the troubling ideation, look for positive things about the work. Or (starting when you're not busy, as it takes a lot of attention at first) you can work in focusing as much as you can on the present moment at work - your breathing, your heartbeat, the exact motions required to do your job, the details of those with whom you interact - without judgement. It takes a bit of abstraction at times, especially if something unpleasant is happening in that moment ("oh, this person is yelling at me. I wonder why?"). This sounds a bit corny, and the example I gave wasn't great, but give it a try. People work in menial jobs without resorting to addiction, and have for millenia.

The biggest point that I'd like to re-iterate is that you are not your job. It is a means to an end; that's it. If shit happens there, then leave it there. Again, that can take some practise, and a bit of humility too sometimes, but is far better for your mental health than dwelling on these things.
 
I was going to say that I have had countless shitty jobs in my life but there was always a reason for that and by staying aware of the reason, I could appreciate the purpose. In my case it was a choice. I wanted to be an artist, knew I would never make a full living at that and would have to have a job to supplement what I could make from art. It made the true soul-squelchers like cleaning motel rooms bearable because I knew it was a choice I was making to have the independence to create. At the very least, you have your job to be independent and to take pride in supporting yourself. Maybe try to appreciate the fact that you are doing that. Also, a plus about shitty jobs is that you can usually trade one for another with ease. If your boss is truly unbearable, look for another. You do have to take responsibility for your feelings about your work. If you want something better you need to set educational goals to position yourself for more rewarding work.
 
LilbabiC said:
That is the addict in you trying to pull you back to active addicton. Hold on take it one day at a time. Those feelings and urges to use or deal (which is also an addiction to a lifestyle) will fade. You will get use to normal life. (functional life as deemed by society).
Click to expand...

I hope that helped the OP as much as it helped me.

Brilliant.

Thank you for that! <3
 
Well, another day another damned dollar. I still haven't gotten paid yet, and tonight I'm working til midnight. I get paid this week, and whatever I get is going straight into my empty bank account. I hate this job tho, its not worth the effort

Soon enough I'm looking for another job
 
LilbabiC said:
That is the addict in you trying to pull you back to active addicton. Hold on take it one day at a time. Those feelings and urges to use or deal (which is also an addiction to a lifestyle) will fade. You will get use to normal life. (functional life as deemed by society).
Click to expand...
this is the truth. the longer you hold onto this job, or a different job for that matter, and live a semi-structured life, the quicker these thoughts of using and dealing will fade away. few things helped me get rid of my addiction more successfully than getting a job and having a daily regiment.
 
My first paycheck was enough to buy some much needed stuff, as in a fancy bottle of scotch whiskey (12yr) and some kush and a new pair of shoes, not as much as I was expecting though.
The problem with this job though is its not worth the efoirt involved, i could make a weeks pay in 10 minutes by dealing, that's what bugs ne about my shitty job. Standing all day really hurts my back, I need to go to a doctor or something.
 
Maybe you can find a job that better suits you. It sounds like your all over the place and dont really know what you want. I would try and stick with that job as long as possible and try saving your money for once instead of just spending it the second you get it.

I dont see the point in doing a job you dont want to do if your just going to go waste it on alcohol and weed. Most people work because they need to. My point is your never going to get anywhere if you work to get money then as soon as you get that money spend all of it. You could save your self the time and just get some free alcohol and weed and you wouldn't of had to put up with all that crap lol.
 
Ninjetic, there are some excellent points already here so not sure what I can add, but I think what's happening is that you're finding change hard because you're focusing only on what being in work prevents you from doing. You haven't been there long enough to see the benefits yet, so all you're seeing are the negatives. Don't think about the job so much itself, think about it as a means to an end. What will your first months paycheck get you, where will you be after 3 months, a year. So long as you take the opportunity to put in place the practical necessities you will have a solid foundation from which to explore other, more rewarding possibilities. My job is 90% routine tedium and 10% ridiculous amounts of pressure trying to carry a load noone else is equipped to share, none of it what would you'd call rewarding, but it keeps a roof over my head and a relationship going and allows for holidays down Devon 3 times a year. That's enough for now. At some point I need to restart something academic to open up new avenues but the job will be the key enabler of that too.
 
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