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Advice Geriatric Parenting

Well it looks like the answer is no. My wife and kids left me and I don't know where they are. I get it, I screwed up again. Maybe its was the 12 1/2 years of booze, the other women - and I mean lots of other women, the ER visits, rehab and AA, the year(s) of benzos and psychedelics abuse, the crashed cars, the porn and masturbating and unnatural sex - and I mean lots of porn and masturbating and unnatural sex. Maybe it was the time I maced her right between the eyes and told her to take a time out at her Mother's with the kids because she a little liberal with the strap. Maybe it was the first time we took the kids to Parish school and she body-checked me and I really never saw her again after that - I should have figured it then, but you know, kids and all. John Prine's dead was right.
 
Well I know I have a problem when I woke last night in pain and wanted to divorce my wife because the fucking rizzla bag was missing at 3:00 a.m. (she's moving her mother). So I'm trying to fuck off and die (or whatever you call it (nirvana? opus dei?) but what I think what I'm gonna do is father another child with my wife if we can, and offer to father a child with my brother-in-law's sister-in-law (if interested), and put in an application to the judicial counsel, I'm kind of interested in ferreting out who's doing what and I enjoy algo's and interpersonal relationships.
 
Doesn't look like like ferreting, algos, and interpersonal relationships is gonna do it. First and foremost someone needs undo a little whoops. Secondly, doesn't look like I'll be hanging around town as much as I anticipated. My low Korean master is baaaaak.
 
Okay, calendar date (check), time of day (check). Other than that, I gotta a putter and a wedge but I can't find the golf ball. It was in the front yard downhill green which is all of 200 sq. ft., but it’s way overgrown on that side. I’m thinking wedge if I can find it. Maybe this is situation that demands a putter. I dunno. I’m confused.
 
It so happens I met a gentleman last night who plays 9 hole golf at a nearby course, he is even from Montana, where I have a lot of relatives, almost all I've never met and up to this point don't want to know about. I mean I was in Vegas in the early mid 70's when my step grandmother managed NLV airport for Summa Corp and I had absolutely no clue what was going on, just kept it to backgammon, off key humour (how do you tell the difference between a boy turtle and a girl turtle), and cryptic references to the gang. But it's not all fun and games, I met one of her cousins (I may be named be after) just before he went into federal prison for child sex crimes. So, maybe a game of ⛳ could be a place to start, now that I'm ready to have a conversation about it.

And no I'm not making it up when I pointed out who the marine general was in Vietnam, or the guy on the NM Supreme Court who share a version of the same surname as I do.

The only message I seem to be getting back is its time to grow up.

Still trying to piece together that my paternal grandmother came from southern Sweden maybe after Schleisweig Holstein divided and my maternal grandmother shares the same surname as a WWII navy admiral - that last name coming from Northumbria?
 
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So after my latest performance piece for the benefit of all (yes! I did the Flea!) my wife is complaining I changed the locks on the house. I've tried contacting lawyers but everyone is either not interested or on vacation. The locksmith is pretty pissed too.

The long and short is that I texted her that she and our sons are welcome to come home so long as we all agree that we are going to live with good orderly direction at home from here on out (main offender here yo). She keeps trying to convince everyone that she and the kids are destitute and homeless. Actually, if you look at all the 'stuff' she has accreted in every room, bathroom, kitchen, closet, cupboard, credenza, drawer, and garage, it suspiciously looks like she is running a one woman charity.

For herself.

There's no room for the rest of us to live. I get Covid buying but do we really need to shove everything in the kitchen cabinets so everything falls out anytime you want to cook a pan of noodles? I like jelly too, jelly is great, do we really need to stock up on a 19 year supply? Why all the chocolate bombs when we already have a huge tin of cocoa untouched. I mean I like to get bombed too, but no one's gone near the chocolate, why are we constantly getting bombed with more? This is what regifting is all about (except planet of the apes memorrabilia) (does obligatory Roddy McDowell nose wiggle).

Long and short, I told her she needs to clean up her room, her response is.....

Chirp chirp chirp chirp ......

DAS RIDIKOLAS!
 
Well maybe I need to start bribing her with concert tickets or something. But the pasta and canned tomatoes were great, reused the pan for coffee, and passed a lot of gas for emphasis.
 
The Axe said:
Don't know if this is the right place for this, and I don't really hang out but check in and check back, but my wife is 46 and she wants to ask her oby/gyn about uterine cysts, they wanted do a hysterectomy but my wife thinks she may want to have another child. So I told her to ask her doctor but I'll commit if everything checks out for her. So now I'm extrememely stressed and and want a kid bad. We already have 2 teenagers and I'm 56 years old. I'm thinking this is crazy stupid and a pipe dream. Is this selfish? Looney? I'm still on meds for major depression, manic depression, and general anxiety, plus I smoke pot like I drink coffee or chew nictotine gum. I had 3 beers yesterday fishing with my kids along with a pot and half of coffee and survived so I'm hoping I can continue to drink like a gentleman so to speak. But this is getting fucking crazy fast. Help?
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God bless you man&your wife and two kids.Teenagers?And she wants another?It's gonna be hard probably.....and she is in such age that xhildbirth could be dangerous.....but,if you want it.....it&s great....just check health status completely-both of you and listen doctors.It's a God's job-to have a child or not.....so many young healthy people tried it.....and nothing.If that is your wish...well I wish u too.Be joyfull as can be
 
arrall said:
@The Axe Mate I appreciate the blog, but again:

Have you considered that maybe you are the problem?
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Did you consider that you have never been married and never fathered any children for very apparent reasons before you wrote that post?

And I'm not your mate dude.

Go ahead and delete the thread, you have my full authority and consent to do so.
 
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Nas47 said:
God bless you man&your wife and two kids.Teenagers?And she wants another?It's gonna be hard probably.....and she is in such age that xhildbirth could be dangerous.....but,if you want it.....it&s great....just check health status completely-both of you and listen doctors.It's a God's job-to have a child or not.....so many young healthy people tried it.....and nothing.If that is your wish...well I wish u too.Be joyfull as can be
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You are exactly right. I think I've given everyone involved very clearly my opinion what the first step here is, good orderly direction amongst the four of us at home. So as far as I'm concerned I have no takers and my path lies elsewhere.
 
The Axe said:
Did you consider that you have never been married and never fathered any children for very apparent reasons before you wrote that post?
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At my age, if I’m already fathering children then I probably really fucked up.

It doesn’t take fathering children to recognize when somebody seems to lack empathy and be mistreating their kids based on the way that they talk about them.
 
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