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General Heroin Discussion 20 v. Walking Around in Women's Underwear

This thread is actually really really bad for bluelight.

I mean, I have no problem watching myself be addicted, but it feels even worse to watch other people go through the same thing.

And at the same time like yeah, this is life for people so why not talk about it but it just feels like we all know its not doing us a lot of favors but we're right back here

Im only 23 and it already feels like forever ago when I first used opiates but 5 years really isnt shit. It mainly just feels like that because my life is totally different now than it used to be. Im not really that different of a person, im just MIA.

And it killed my desire to do anything. And I never really wanted to do a lot before I started using so you can imagine that's a bad combination

But I can push buttons like nobody's business
 
jeebis said:
I was doing really well for awhile until today. just slipped because someone gave me 3 bags for free.

the only other time i've used for the past few weeks was last saturday night because i had JUST gotten home from going to Camp Bisco (where I lived off of heroic doses of ketamine, cocaine, LSD, MDMA, bud light (ew), and weed for 3 days) so my everything hurt and i was borderline brain dead lol. that night i went out and grabbed some xanax, hash oil, and half a bun.

still had a great time at camp bisco. i've gone every year since 2010....except for last year when they didnt have it (and luckily i didnt go to the "replacement" festival Hudson Project...which turned into a mud-filled abortion apparently). i loves me some Disco Biscuits. i was thinking about going to City Bisco (the band's annual new years eve run in nyc) this year instead of my annual rave i go to (every year i need to dance my balls off on some LSD to ring in the new year....and fyi lsd > mdma for raves) since i've never been.

but how's my team nod doing? everyone good?
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Dude. I was at bisco!
Fuck that venue !
That was fucking ridiculous.
Bus to tractor to hiking your shit.
Where were you camped?
I personally prefer when the bikers ran it.
Anyway, city bisco was the 3 night run in sept at the trocadero, electric factory, and the Mann.
 
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25 days clean.... and it's so fucking boring. But I'm being super-productive and sorta enjoying my summer.

At the same time, however, I still catch myself thinking about copping regularly... And I don't even want a whole bundle. All I want is a single bag and a little bit of coke, for a modest little speedball. Is that too much to ask?

I'm about to wrap up probation.. And I'm counting down the days before I can unravel and indulge and watch my life spin out of control once again. This fucking disease is unrelenting.
 
Just keep at it a little longer. That last stretch of time on probation is ALWAYS the time that matters most. It's always the time that you end up regretting acting on an impulse decision.
 
I used today. It wasn't very satisfying. I think I am addicted to a drug that no longer works. Oh the irony. No big deal though back on the methadone tommorow.
 
I reported to probation today.
I was told that due to a dirty drug test from 2 months ago, I would be receiving a Violation of Probation sanction, and my probation is almost certainly going to be extended for some period of time... Might even have to do a short stint in county.
Currently fantasizing gloriously violent scenarios. God bless the War on Drugs.
 
crimsonjunk said:
I used today. It wasn't very satisfying. I think I am addicted to a drug that no longer works. Oh the irony. No big deal though back on the methadone tommorow.
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's comes down to diminishing returns over the long run. Loses most of its appeal, and the costs become prohibitive. Most people with half a brain in their head turn their lives around at that point..
 
Damn that sucks NJ, they could have at least told you sooner rather than let you feel like you were about to be done and slamming the metaphorical door in yourface.

That shouldn't be too long of a sentence though right? Prob somewhere in the 30-90 day range id imagine? Either way that is the exact type of shit the judicial system does that causes peopleto fall back into old habits

Its easy to say "fuck it" when you are being bent over yourself at every other turn

Crimson you kind of knew it wasn't going to work though. Ive done the same thing with vivitrol and I felt shitty in the immidiate aftermath but it was a necessary evil to prove to myself that I shouldn't even try to get high

Have you thought about tapering down off methadone? You dont want to be on that shit for too long man, everyone I talk to has nothing but negative things to say about it
 
subotai said:
This thread is actually really really bad for bluelight.

I mean, I have no problem watching myself be addicted, but it feels even worse to watch other people go through the same thing.

And at the same time like yeah, this is life for people so why not talk about it but it just feels like we all know its not doing us a lot of favors but we're right back here

Im only 23 and it already feels like forever ago when I first used opiates but 5 years really isnt shit. It mainly just feels like that because my life is totally different now than it used to be. Im not really that different of a person, im just MIA.

And it killed my desire to do anything. And I never really wanted to do a lot before I started using so you can imagine that's a bad combination

But I can push buttons like nobody's business
Click to expand...

then quit now then, kid. I am fucking 32 and still battling dope. I already gave up and know that I will at LEAST be on Suboxone for a long ass fucking time, even the rest of my life, I dont care.. its better than the dope fucking problem which is a whole diff. story. just fucking sickening just thinking of it.

at least for me - all the money lost, people lost, things lost, license lost, 2 cars totaled, jail time, etc, etc. its just fucking sickening when you think about it. and the last time I shot anything was only 3 weeks ago but it feels like forever ago. and the sad part is that its been 3 weeks but I still have no intention to stop. rather than be happy and try to push this I just plan on using any day now. I take 12MG/bupe so I need to wait a day or so.
 
subotai said:
Damn that sucks NJ, they could have at least told you sooner rather than let you feel like you were about to be done and slamming the metaphorical door in yourface.

That shouldn't be too long of a sentence though right? Prob somewhere in the 30-90 day range id imagine? Either way that is the exact type of shit the judicial system does that causes peopleto fall back into old habits

Its easy to say "fuck it" when you are being bent over yourself at every other turn

Crimson you kind of knew it wasn't going to work though. Ive done the same thing with vivitrol and I felt shitty in the immidiate aftermath but it was a necessary evil to prove to myself that I shouldn't even try to get high

Have you thought about tapering down off methadone? You dont want to be on that shit for too long man, everyone I talk to has nothing but negative things to say about it
Click to expand...

I actually upped my dose today. Here are down sides to the clinic but there are so many more downsides to being a raging junk box. This slip up was a wake up call. There are plenty of drugs to do besides opiates anyway. I want my life back. Concerts, friends, a job. Ect
 
iLoveYouWithaKnife said:
Dude. I was at bisco!
Fuck that venue !
That was fucking ridiculous.
Bus to tractor to hiking your shit.
Where were you camped?
I personally prefer when the bikers ran it.
Anyway, city bisco was the 3 night run in sept at the trocadero, electric factory, and the Mann.
Click to expand...

i was camped way the fuck up in P. sucked going from the stages back up. and dont even get me started on the tractors. i was one of the people that got fucked wednesday night and just waited until thursday morning lol.

and bisco in schenectady/mariaville was always amazing.
 
I was at R :) which was way the double fuck up there.
The dude stumbling around Q with the pizza necklace lugged all my shit for me.

By the time I got there there was literally no line. Had to wait for people to come before they'd take us over to the mountain. Sucka. :)
 
i was there with a bunch of friends that i did the 3 hour drive with. befriended some dude that snuck in on thursday with a fucking backpack full of coke and ketamine and he just pretty much fed me for the weekend. that and the hippy chick walking around pushing the white lightning bolt presses.

almost got into a fight with some dude selling the yellow pacman rolls that were a mediocre test result at best on my kit. that dude got pissed that i didnt want any overpriced garbage and was literally trying to get super aggro and shit. my god. im at a damn music festival. the last thing i want to do is get my ass beat (lets be real).

but i will say that the 2 highlights of the weekend were slow magic's set and the jackass that got on stage and fell into all of zoogma's shit. that had me DIEING when that happened.

and i actually just told my heroin guy to not front me anything tonight/trade for concert tickets. #progress. too bad we all know its just temporary.....
 
Get a job. It's actually "a lot easier" than "to steal shit and shoplift from stores."!
 
phoebusl said:
Get a job. It's actually "a lot easier" than "to steal shit and shoplift from stores."!
Click to expand...

Who the hell are you talking too?


Subotai- yeah man I know many people hate long term methadone. I'm still in the happy early phase. Once I get some clean time I plan to slowly taper down but I'm not in a hurry.
 
BostonBrownTown said:
rather than be happy and try to push this I just plan on using any day now. I take 12MG/bupe so I need to wait a day or so.
Click to expand...

just a day or so? i'm curious, how long do you usually wait and how much dope do you gotta do to make it worth it?

i've been on 8mgs of bupe for a little over a year now and that managed my cravings pretty well, not perfectly, but i haven't used. just recently i've been cutting my dose down and now i take 4mgs most days, and it's rough; i think about tryin to cop every day, but i have no connections now and i'm afraid to risk going into the ghetto by myself and then bringing something back into the suburbs. used to be able to bring myself to do that, but i'm just not the kind of girl that can get away with it for too long without getting robbed, ripped off, or picked up by the cops. all of which has happened to me in the past. which probably means i should just stay out of the whole scene for good but deep down i know that it's only a matter of time.... UHG! i hate this...

but anyway, i've heard a lot of conflicting info on how long one should be off of bupe before doing a full agonist. i would hate to go through the trouble of procuring some h and then do it too soon and waste it. but i can't seem to go longer than a day without sub and the thought of coming off of it for good is terrifying, even though i want to so bad. what i'd like to do is go back to dope for maybe a month and then just cold turkey it--because at least i know what to expect and i know i can handle it. plus i recently lost my insurance and between doctor's appointments and the prescription it's just so expensive; spending that much money on drugs makes me feel like i might as well be using!

okay, i'm done venting now.
 
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