i apologize in advance for my lack of organization of organization
I was given a stone, or fossilized amber- Jet, by a girl about three years ago. Apparently it's good for protection. I think it's Jet, anyway. That's what it has been identified as by many people.
Her and I didn't really last that long as friends. I liked her, but was kind of scared of engaging, as she was a stripper and I was in a different place in my life, as I always am. I met her with the intention of having sex, but it turned into more cerebral interest. There's a really long story around this, but considering it was three years ago and I still think about her, or about my desire, or maybe she's just something to hold onto... I don't really care to get into the story here.
I have used it a couple of times, though.. the stone. I think I washed it once, to honor what she told me about it. Despite our ending when she went back to work as a stripper, as it happened, I understood at least in part why she would act the way she did. Why I wasn't what she needed, if anything else. It wasn't me, it was my decisions. I left first... and again. She needed someone to stay. Yada. I put it on my chest once, and on my forehead, both times bringing a very soothing sensation- actually. I still don't know, though. I'm skeptical. I ironically find, sometimes, the thought of her the same as the stone... soothing. I just fight it. It must be in some way unhealthy to dwell like this. I've been around it so many times. I understand. I don't need- I just wish to change the tone of it all. I dwell.
For months, I was building up to taking the stone to a place in town that specializes in "New Age" things like crystals, divination, energy work... you know. Finally, I did. I wanted to take it there to ask more about it, and perhaps about who had given it to me. Get some answers to some of the things I uncovered- where voices I heard pointed directions that I didn't take as literal, or that I was skeptical of, only to find supporting evidence of that direction actually leading somewhere, hypothetically, or at least unfolding to where these voices were speaking.. logically, or uh... it's hard to explain. a long story... But as right as the direction was, I believe that was meant to die... with her. I sort of died. again.
Back to the store, the only thing I managed to ask was "what is it?"- and I got my answer. Immediately after, I left the store and as I left the parking lot onto the main road, I got immediately got behind a vehicle with a license plate number, which jumped at me, starting with the numerical match for her name, 159. I'm rather into numbers, sometimes. This number is her full name calculated numerically according to letter placement, and I had/have quite an obsession, sometimes, with this... doing this with names. I studied it enough that I would see number combinations as or pertaining to names, at least sometimes. It comes and goes. I might look for it, but in this instance.. it's one of those spikes. This number reminds me of her, especially in that timing.
And then there was an Earthquake in Haiti within a couple of hours. All that buildup... all the time I was nervous about falling to actually act in interest of her- who had abandoned me. I was afraid to reinforce her memory.
"LEG" were letters coupled with the numbers 159 (CLIX in Roman Numerals, as an aside...) on the plate. What that goes with... what it could.. we first met online before in person... I was looking for sex/companionship. I used a post she made to have an in... it was about divination. Her picture showed her smiling face, and her showing leg.
Right...
The amount of times "she" and other girls that have captured my attention interact with ...time, and space around me , like this.. is staggering. I dare say constant. It's all interactive.
I know I sound like an obsessed crazy person.
She has red hair. In my life, the red-heads I've been involved or have had attention to have been along with some interesting energies. The color red I once associated with a girl I was involved with. Green eyes. Brown hair. Painful time... She drove a red jeep. I had my car painted green because I couldn't stand seeing the color red, because it reminded me of her. I understood it was obsessive, I'm sure. My next girlfriend had red hair. This isn't in order. I became infatuated with an actress, in a different way, borderline psychotic one might say, but on her last birthday, I blew the most blood out of my nose at once that I can remember. She has red hair. That day or the next day the family's- my mom and dad's golden retriever died. I had a roommate who had red hair who I had a falling out with, and ended up moving out. The first friend I got into it bad with, and the one girlfriend with red hair was the first one that ended "bad". .. and this girl, "159", has red hair... who I also ended not on a good note with (in senses, by interpretations).
The first earthquake I experienced happened while I was playing Quake. I hadn't played Quake in about 10 years at that point. I did so because my X-BOX red-ringed. I had just fallen into a pit of lava.. er magma (red-orange) next to a girl, I forget her tag now... I delete all of my journals it seems. Might come to me.. I was next to this girl-gamer who had also died in the lava, who had a [;-)] over her head denoting she was in chat, and I said in jest, "you must have red hair"... or no, I thought it. Within a few minutes, she said she had red hair as a response to another male's cyber advances, and then there was an earthquake... the first I ever experienced, in Indiana... and with rather significant movement.
I apologize I went on that tangent, but I don't believe that stones have any more power than dirt or a good song,(?) or thoughts... or rivers, but they can be inspiring. .. and maybe they do house power (as everything does). I can change my mind. I don't know. It's just not something I can obsess on. I don't put that kind of value in material, because what if it's lost?
I had a dream years ago, as well, being in a stone/marble-like room, but it was orange-gold.. it just had that marble and or crystalline sheen. Glass/crystal. Colors were orange/gold/red and white, mainly- in large tiles (1.5-3xsame ft per, or so. perhaps inconsistent) it seemed. Many different tiles but all went together perfectly, and in the center of the room was a green cube on a stand which I was instructed to go to. I felt like a child, and I trusted who told me to do this, as if I was letting myself be guided- without thought... I've tried to identify the mineral that was the green cube, which was standing at about neck to eye level to me. .. but I can't rest on any one identity. I've thought it was a form of green obsidian, as obsidian somehow works to bring about the truth(?), which fits into the "conclusion", but it might be something else. It looked rather dull/dark at first, and as I studied it, I found an imperfection... a chip in the cube. From here, everything would change. It resembled a "drug" effect- as in psychedelic. The cube went from inanimate/stone.. to seemingly flowing just under the surface, like an electric fluid, and with a very bright green color radiating, which I could feel. In the cube, I saw what looked like storms, the flowing, fluid lightning. It felt.. interesting. It would phase a few times, from radiant/animated-on to dull/inanimate-off. I heard "This may hurt a little" and I was then ... well.. pulled inside, got an "upgrade", and then saw the "ship" I was in in a schematic-like view... like it was a computer. It looked like a top-down view of a motherboard. I was at the central processor, and the others that were in the area with me were also processors, of sorts. There was a green hue over everything, like a green transparency I was viewing it through. I saw it as a perfect computer.. so simple, and clean. It felt like the far far far future, and super-ancient past. Then I began my journey "home", or awake. "This may hurt..." may have come just prior to this. I felt like I was sucked into... what I could only describe as a portal of some kind.. a gravitational singularity of sorts, or something.. a wormhole. It was extremely painful, as I felt my body pulled and pulled apart, and smashed in ways - yea. (Is this birth?) On the way, I began screaming, and/or trying to. I couldn't breath. "Stars" were passing by like the .. uhh.. the common space fantasy warp or light speed scenes, but a little different. A lensing effect... The "stars" (if that's what they were), became symbols... Just before waking up, order came to everything, and settled in the center of my warp-travel field of view. Where it was dark, one symbol came to be, which seemed (seems, in memory) to resonate with "truth" and "love" in ways/a way that I have trouble, as so many of us do, seeing or saying. It was simple. It was functional. It was like a science, and I've probably murdered it. I wanted to communicate it- the meaning. I had the answer. Now to hold onto it, to tell "the one" I loved. I woke up screaming. I've never done that before. It felt extremely real, and as if the girl I was looking for prior to entering this dream, (in another dream I omitted, which happened just before I entered this one. I was looking for her. The one in the ship/computer/thing/uh..huh was different though, I think, but was looking for the one in a dream prior.) was very real. The feeling of knowing someone existed somewhere and that I had a connection with her, felt very real. She felt extremely far away, though.. but not that far. The direction I felt would have been toward where I live now, where I met this one. In the first dream, I left her, as I did in life- both times to get some perspective. She was a voice hearer as well, and has spirit contact, and when I was with her, she frequently claimed to see bad spirits, or become attacked. The divination she practiced with me supported all of these thoughts that were coming to me, regarding her.
In the dream there was one other person my age- a girl with red hair. I was a child, seemingly, in the dream, and she was the only one my age. She stood behind me, seemingly half asleep. To my right if facing the cube was a female who was dark, mostly dark... looking down, as if in prayer, or in some kind of submitting posture, to me, or to the "male" who never fully materialized, who appeared as wet paint of black gray and white coloring, from what I remember... changing/flowing. Parts disappearing for parts appearing. He was the one in charge- the voice that said that it will hurt (like a doctor will tell you). The older figures seemed parental. The girl seemed mad at me, or no- afraid (or asleep standing). I couldn't understand. We had just been playing, I think. In front of me, past the cube there was a window/doorway/cut in the room/flying saucer-square or other geometric form, shaped like a long (or narrow) doorway. Outside was "space", without any barrier as a window, and two objects could be seen. One blue, and one white. The white moved faster than the blue. They were huge, planet or star sized. I saw this earlier... it could have been the earth and moon, but I've also contemplated the possibility that they were somewhere else, as I felt completely at the mercy of whatever/whoever brought me there- so far away from home.
