EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
I've been journal-trawling again, and I found this in an old journal from september, thought it was quite good in it's own angsty way 
Oh, you clever boy, life hasn’t taken its toll just yet on you
But my mind doesn’t forget what you did, what you said
The way you’d kick my possessions round my room, you’d shout with rage
Telling me, telling me that I was dirty
You couldn’t handle your emotions, you shut me out, you shut yourself out
Said I’d never see you again, if I was to delve too deeply into you
You said we were gods?
We are not gods amongst men, yet you’re still a furious angel!
Are any of us, truly better than another?
How dare you deign to use harsh words about your friends?
And my friends, were they truly not good enough, for you hated them
I never got to see them, unless you were not at my side
You were nearly the last man, the last one I would ever be with...
But it didn’t mean a thing to you, you did not ever love me!
As you said, you said that to me that rain-kissed afternoon...
(I am no longer her, that weak milk and water girl
Love is special but it doesn’t control my breath, my world, no more
The experience I had has burnt me deep with cynicism, and relief
My breath is gasping, but not my last one, I’m not in too deep...)
And if I was a bad person I could safely say,
“I hate you beyond death”
But I do not, I cannot, I will not be… the person that you said I am!
When I think of falling to someone new, I see your hand print on my arm...
The rage in your face, the fear in my head and my heart
The bump on my head...
“Am I so bad that I unleashed a tyrant in my soul?”
I tell you this, my life has travelled further than you’ll know
There are secrets that I never told you, things I never will
But I also keep your secrets, so you have her security, girlish, skinny arms...
Surrounding you, keeping you safe from life, in your world
Where she doesn't know you slept in my arms (yet again)...
The acid of keeping your dirty secret, makes me bitter...
Oh, you clever boy, life hasn’t taken its toll just yet on you
But my mind doesn’t forget what you did, what you said
The way you’d kick my possessions round my room, you’d shout with rage
Telling me, telling me that I was dirty
You couldn’t handle your emotions, you shut me out, you shut yourself out
Said I’d never see you again, if I was to delve too deeply into you
You said we were gods?
We are not gods amongst men, yet you’re still a furious angel!
Are any of us, truly better than another?
How dare you deign to use harsh words about your friends?
And my friends, were they truly not good enough, for you hated them
I never got to see them, unless you were not at my side
You were nearly the last man, the last one I would ever be with...
But it didn’t mean a thing to you, you did not ever love me!
As you said, you said that to me that rain-kissed afternoon...
(I am no longer her, that weak milk and water girl
Love is special but it doesn’t control my breath, my world, no more
The experience I had has burnt me deep with cynicism, and relief
My breath is gasping, but not my last one, I’m not in too deep...)
And if I was a bad person I could safely say,
“I hate you beyond death”
But I do not, I cannot, I will not be… the person that you said I am!
When I think of falling to someone new, I see your hand print on my arm...
The rage in your face, the fear in my head and my heart
The bump on my head...
“Am I so bad that I unleashed a tyrant in my soul?”
I tell you this, my life has travelled further than you’ll know
There are secrets that I never told you, things I never will
But I also keep your secrets, so you have her security, girlish, skinny arms...
Surrounding you, keeping you safe from life, in your world
Where she doesn't know you slept in my arms (yet again)...
The acid of keeping your dirty secret, makes me bitter...
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