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Funny or Embarrassing sexual experiences

^ Bahaha!

The night I met my BF ended in disaster. We were back at mine and clothes came off, both stinkin' drunk. We must have encountered a bad angle coupled with too much friction and my wang tore. To clarify, just the skin near the top. Blood everywhere. Needless to say something like that sobers you up pretty damn fast, not to mention mortifies you beyond belief. Worst thing is, we hadn't even gotten down to serious business yet! Just "wrestling" face to face for lack of a better term. Although the next few months were torture as we couldn't do much more than make out while McWigga Jr. got better, and bleeding on a hottie's junk was NOT a fun time, it all worked out in the end, we're still together and couldn't be happier :)
 
pussy farting ,crap on someone elses penis,cum in my eye,full on deviant behavior of a way older guy than me.my family finding out i have been sleeping with the same sex.
 
wow, there are some crazy stories guys 8o

I don't think I can compete here, the only thing I can recall is being down there on a girl eating her clit, with one finger on her vag one on her butt.

She was so close to come and then I started to hear noises on her guts, then I feel turbulences on the butt-finger and bam! She farted even I had a complete finger inside her.
We both start laughing and she missed that orgasm but I was there building that orgasm 10/15min already and I was not willing to let it go so I started to eat her again like crazy and made her come instantly =D

Then we kept laughing.
 
Don't really have any super interesting stories. I have been kneed, kicked, and elbowed in the balls accidentally a few times which sent me reeling to the floor and curled up into a fetal position whimpering for a good 5-10 minutes. =D
 
I almost knocked out a girl with an accidental head butt in the first round, though I'm sure nearly everyone has done this at some point.
 
I met a guy I'd known for ages but it was the first time we'd properly met, we went for a walk in the woods I have no idea why but we did. Anyway we got tired so we sat down on a log and he put his arm around me, I hugged him back and then we ended up kissing. We then laid down on his jacket, we didn't have sex (luckily for us!) but I tossed him off while we were laid on the ground. Neither of us could see around us but he had reassured me that no one would be walking in that area. Anyway all of a sudden I heard this wolf whistle and people laughing. I think I swore I cant remember but we looked up and there were about 20 chavs all walking along. One of them said "get a room" and they all started wolf whistling and laughing, god it was embarrassing, luckily they didn't see anything because we were both fully clothed.. We just sat there looking at the ground until they had gone.. I will never go to that place in the woods ever again...
 
I was banging my ex in her room at her parents place at about three in the morning with the light on, she was being pretty noisy. A hand just reached through the door and tunred the light off....
 
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The first time I heard a gal queef after intercourse, I thought there was a snake in the room. Man, I never moved so fast in my life. I threw her back down on the bed and took a very kungfu-esq pose to protect her. hahahaha. At least she never had to doubt my sincere intentions of protection after that.
 
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1. Receiving head in front seat of car at night in the park. Police walks up closely to the window, peers into the car, and flash the light directly into the chick's face. She looks up, drooling out the mouth, squinting into the bright light. Police officer didn't say anything. He just got back into his squad car and left.

2. Sex before gym. Enter gym together. Sign in & speak to receptionist and my girlfriend (at the time) is laughing hysterically at my heavily cum-stained sweatpants.

3. Banging chick. She begins to weep (the bad kind of weeping). I'm like 'WTF'. I stop. She tells me that she still has a husband and that she feels bad.... I'm like 'WTF'. The way she was weeping, I thought that I was going to go to jail for rape. Weeks later she sucked my dilly in the car at a family get-together of hers.
 
very simple. very embarrassing.. ;( lol

Me and my gf took mdma and always get realllllllllly kinky and just try like 50 different fetish type positions and stuff.. we were having anal and then started to 69 and i asked her to fart in my face because she was going crazy over the anal.... she responded with "really...?" in a rather not turned on tone... lol good times.. later it happened by accident and i realized i didnt like it nearly as much as i intended i would so i felt really dumb xD
 
i was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend when my mom walked in w/ a plate full of cookies. haha she said...theyre chocolate chip, placed em on the corner of my bed and quietly walked out of the room. hahaha


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1. Getting a BJ off my ex round her house when I look up and see her little sister peering through a hole in the door, god knows how long she was watching, that was 5 years ago and I still cringe at it lol

2. Having sex in a car down a quiet (what we thought was quiet) road when some car pulls up in front of us and puts on the full beams and beeps at us as we were blocking the road, my ex (who was on top) had to get in the drivers seat and drive the car (whilst completely naked) out the way, despite the fact she didn't have a license and only drove a car once before.

3. when another ex was talking to her mum about us getting a hotel in a town 7 miles away from her house, her mum kept asking why we are getting a hotel as it seemed a bit stupid considering it was only 7 miles away and she had a (single) bed at her place, after my ex trying to drop many subtle hints such as "so I can spend time with him" and "so we can watch t.v alone" she eventually gave up and said "oh for gods sake...so we can have sex, mum!", her mums face was priceless and mine was bright red.

Good times.
 
I've never really had embarrassing but I'm sure they could seem it (I get embarrassed about stuff but once I'm messing around I'm too comfortable lol) ..funny though I prolly have a ton ..

-was at my friends (I was younger ) he was with his gf I was with mine we all drank in his moms broke down car it had no seats and it was an SUV so a ton of room ..then his mom left and he snuck in with his gf well..I got my gf to stay and she started giving me head...my friend not knowing opened the door hahah ..he didn't even kno so I was like yo bro I'm gettin dome bounce lol ..

2-another time making out with my gf at her house ..her dad was mad strick and tried to be threatening even though he was a pos dad and hardly around ...well he walked in on us making out in her computer room her ontop ..really going at it lol I just started laughing ( I'm usually not rude ..the mom found it funny until the dad yelled at her..and left for awhile as always for business trips..ya ok lol) .

3-one quick one I was bangn at the time my gf (ex now) and I still had a zip up on it was one of those short sleeve zip ups ..well it was open n Idr what but it was annoying me so I swung it ..she started laughing sayin "I'm batman" lol

4-had a girl giving me head .. Said I was the biggest she had (no not bragging but it plays a part to the story) ..so she was nervous to suck it ..well she was right lol threw up not nasty but like a face bang porn ..she stopped I showered (after she finished me mostly hand though) ... I was "movin" uhm stuff/supplies? Lol at the time so I had to bring all my stuff and money in the shower just incase lol (I'm not too trusting) .

5-first time with my gf now ..we were drunk and there's soo menu excuses but idc here's wha happen - she made me wait while we dated 6ish months and then one day drinkin Malibu said I could finally hit it (Idr her exact words) ..well my dick said no I guess lol couldn't get it up ..never had that happen ..ever m I kept tryn ...ended up with blue balls and regret as I had to wait another 2 days to try bc work schedules and such (high school life..) ..btw picture being on top , no hard on , you've been hyped for this for an hour ..you're horny and she's doing all she can , your on top for like 10 mins refusing defeat Hahahaha .

I have a lot more ...had a crazy child hood and I don't mind sharing I'm surprised this threads not bigger ?...
 
Had a girl when I was too young really pre 6th grade and started hanging out since 1st she was maybe a year older ..

I always had a frustrating feeling back then ..it was basically I wanted to get some but my body wasn't ready so it didn't know what to do where normally you'd get hard and want to cum..I didn't even know what that was yet (or idt I did ?) ...well we did use To piss together and weird goofy nothin nasty not on Eachother stuff ...finally figured out in 4th-5th porn and all ..she had moved ..came back and we had plans...stick it in her ass , anything I wanted (yay right?) ...she wanted a condom I said u get it then ..never got one so I tried to improvise..

first she sucked me for like idk 2 hours (I wasn't too into her and was dreading when I finish she'd want me to do something lol ...well then I said no what stand up ..bend over etc etc ...she said wait at least use something as a condom (these stories never go well lol) ...

used duct tape ...and oddly decided to cover all of it ..twice ..tight so I could still fell(I really don't know wtf I was thinkn lol) ...that was fun to get off lol

- I'm sure we've all had odd moments ... One time a girl made her friend who I already got wit to put on music so we could have sex ..,turned me off we did it n then I just stopped n walked out ..did the same on her friend lol ..then their last friend I was on E coudlnt get hard bc stim dick which was whatever I didn't wanna hit it this time and I almost had her squirt (she never had and thought she hada piss ..say in the bathroom for an hour lol) .

-girl asked me to tell her when I'm gonna cum ..she was prude ..got her to mess around in school ..she had a lil somethin on her mouth she was whipping off as the bell rang and ppl were going to class and we were under the stair well right when I finished and she tried to pull away ..only one person saw it though....then later I held her head when she pulled away got all over her and she kept whining but I got her to swallow it!! Hahaha

-was with a girl at a concrete horrible lookin place ..took her virginity ..stopped when I heard a pop ..thought the condom broke ..she hada finish me and said condo a taste horrible lol ..

woke up gettn head ..didn't wanna talk after so faked being asleep..she bit my dick! lol

had a girl on my shoulders like Brock Lesnar would in wwe her friend panted me n my dick hit her in the face lol I dropped her friend on her feet (not placed nor slammed she was fine but fastly put down) ..ran and pantsed the other girl ..and her thong ..oops :) she was wet to (got slapped lol)
 
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