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Funny erowid reports

Ham-milton said:
Most of the time they don't even make us read the DXM reports they're so bad. There isn't a word for how bad DXM reports are.
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LOL so i'm not the only one who's noticed then, hahahah :D . Does DXM attract morons... or create morons... or what?
 
stirfry said:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=8842

someone had to have way too much time on their hands to write all this BS up.


my favorite part:
'We’ve just flown over the Sea Of Lost Spirits, the only thing that seperates the unity between the two great lands. It’s inhabitants are alcoholics, aggressive souls that were banished long ago due to their disruptive and uncivilized nature. Their leader is Jack Daniels, a crazed drunk who rules the foul sea, as well as his doomed followers.'

'The sea is made of pure alcohol, and is covered with a thin mist of alcohol fumes, ones which do not take to flames very well. The desparation of the alcoholics must have been at a height, or their intoxication mind blowing, for not often do they risk naked flames on the sea itself. We were lucky that my jet pack flames did not engulf the alcohol fumes and end our flight, but it is the only way for us to cross between the two lands.'
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That is to Dante's inferno as 'O brother where art thou' is to The Odyssey. ;)
 
GreenMachine said:
This is from a disturbing but hilarious LSD report titled "Jacking off in Hyperspace"

"T+2:30-5:00 11:00-1:30. Charles began to shout 'I feel weeiirrdd!' at the top of his lungs and started to masturbate again. We decided it was closet time for Charlie (there were women, we feared for their safety). Me and my other friend proceeded to pick Charles up and put him in the closet for a little 'quiet time.' After that, we were to head outside to regroup our thoughts and decide our next course(s) of action. Needless to say, quiet time didn't apply to Charles. He rambled and grunted homosexual slurs under his breath as we heave-hoed his ass into the closet. We locked the door and ignored his muffled wails as we grabbed the 3-foot bong and headed outside. As we sat outside without our shoes, we decided it was definitely time to go. The acid was in full effect, and much more of this mental-house madness would send us into a *really* bad trip. We called a friend to come and get us. As we walked in the house, we knew Charles's luck had gone from Frank Botha to Mike Tyson (bad to bad ass).

He had broken the door of the closet and was standing in the middle of the room without his pants. We told the girls to leave, we knew it was going to get 'messy'. They ran outside crying, and we pulled ourselves together to dive head-first into the jizzum jungle. We made it to the other side of the room and grabbed all of the shoes we could get our hands on. Charles was speaking softly now, saying 'The cat left the hamburber by the pail of garbage so he could lose the moon.' He was spinning around in circles playing with himself.

About this time, my friend Brent barged through the door of the room with keys-a-jinglin'. Charlie reached out and grabbed Brent's arm. Brent swung around, and ripping his wrist free of Charlie's grip said, and I quote, 'Charlie, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but if you don't get your goddamn hands off of me right now, I'm gonna knock you the fuck out!!' Miraculously, Charles understood our piping-hot friend and let go. As we rushed out of the room, I slipped on spum and sprained my damned ankle. We were on our way home, and Charles was on his way to more trouble.

It turns out Charles had made his way upstairs to his grandmother's room, and woke her up as he stood completely naked in front of her bed masturbating. In a panic, she called her daughter to the scene. His mother found the acid, the buds, and my other shoe (I didn't realize it was missing until after I made it home). Recognizing the shoe, she called my dad to the house. He showed up to see Charlie lying naked in the den of his grandmother's house jacking off and talking about 'the birds and beezles' while his entire family watched. I was in deep shit, to say the least. "
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ROFL! Holy crap if that had been posted in TR it would be in best of bluelight faster than you could say nominated.
 
Don't miss this report!

Some are funny purely because they are cleverly written by someone with a sense of humor (a brief symopsis: man does 5 different drugs and has sex for 'science'):


http://erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=24310

I love this report because it's so honestly written from the POV of someone with so little experience. It's priceless. Not to mention, it is quite scientific! =D

'Half of one of these will be plenty,' Mac said, handing over a little envelope containing the goods. 'You've got four great nights there!' We shook hands, and he asked if I needed anything else. I wasn't sure what he meant. Some Preparation-H, some tough-actin' Tinactin, perchance? The man was like a walking Rite-Aid.
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A little background info: a man experiences different types of erections, from 'the barfly' to 'the Thumper.' Viagra had given me a pulsing, monster Thumper. To say it plain, my dick felt like it was going to explode. Instantly, I was in that sublime zone between being ridiculously aroused and having to think about Al 'Grandpa Munster' Lewis on the crapper to keep from shooting my bolt.
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Just some samples of the prime literature offered above. I would love to try this sometime!
 
this is the most epic thread i've seen yet, the datura train wreck and trip disasters are somewhere between hilarious and sad...
 
stirfry said:
someone had to have way too much time on their hands to write all this BS up.
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It's called the rants and raves on craigslist.


(Some of the effort people put into these "BS" posts on craigslist or bluelight or erowid really blows me away. It's hard enough for me to give any effort, towards things that are important to me in life.......while these people seem to sneeze out these Highly entertaining BS posts. . . . .)
 
erowid said:
The blurs began to take form, and out of the mist, stood Dimitri and Sally : the blackness unfolding behind them.

'You have just done what no other man has done before : attempted to control the two herbal super powers of Mother Earth,' they said in unison, 'and by now must realize just how dangerous your trip will be'.

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=8842
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DMT you did not just rep yo'self as Dimitri...
shit
 
Transcendence said:
Holy shit, maybe I'm just extremely stoned right now, but I read this and I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

http://erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=48267

This kid eats some morning glory seeds and starts slashing himself with a razor and laughing, then goes to his mother's room and says "Mom, I'm sorry".
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What the fuck? He went to jail?! He didn't commit a god damn crime!
 
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