This is from a disturbing but hilarious LSD report titled "Jacking off in Hyperspace"
"T+2:30-5:00 11:00-1:30. Charles began to shout 'I feel weeiirrdd!' at the top of his lungs and started to masturbate again. We decided it was closet time for Charlie (there were women, we feared for their safety). Me and my other friend proceeded to pick Charles up and put him in the closet for a little 'quiet time.' After that, we were to head outside to regroup our thoughts and decide our next course(s) of action. Needless to say, quiet time didn't apply to Charles. He rambled and grunted homosexual slurs under his breath as we heave-hoed his ass into the closet. We locked the door and ignored his muffled wails as we grabbed the 3-foot bong and headed outside. As we sat outside without our shoes, we decided it was definitely time to go. The acid was in full effect, and much more of this mental-house madness would send us into a *really* bad trip. We called a friend to come and get us. As we walked in the house, we knew Charles's luck had gone from Frank Botha to Mike Tyson (bad to bad ass).
He had broken the door of the closet and was standing in the middle of the room without his pants. We told the girls to leave, we knew it was going to get 'messy'. They ran outside crying, and we pulled ourselves together to dive head-first into the jizzum jungle. We made it to the other side of the room and grabbed all of the shoes we could get our hands on. Charles was speaking softly now, saying 'The cat left the hamburber by the pail of garbage so he could lose the moon.' He was spinning around in circles playing with himself.
About this time, my friend Brent barged through the door of the room with keys-a-jinglin'. Charlie reached out and grabbed Brent's arm. Brent swung around, and ripping his wrist free of Charlie's grip said, and I quote, 'Charlie, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but if you don't get your goddamn hands off of me right now, I'm gonna knock you the fuck out!!' Miraculously, Charles understood our piping-hot friend and let go. As we rushed out of the room, I slipped on spum and sprained my damned ankle. We were on our way home, and Charles was on his way to more trouble.
It turns out Charles had made his way upstairs to his grandmother's room, and woke her up as he stood completely naked in front of her bed masturbating. In a panic, she called her daughter to the scene. His mother found the acid, the buds, and my other shoe (I didn't realize it was missing until after I made it home). Recognizing the shoe, she called my dad to the house. He showed up to see Charlie lying naked in the den of his grandmother's house jacking off and talking about 'the birds and beezles' while his entire family watched. I was in deep shit, to say the least. "
