Fun New Post: Falling in Love on E - Anyone?

Some random thoughts on the authenticity of Elove - I think of E as the tour guide, the attraction is what it shows you: true love. To me true love is exactly that E feeling: I love you for exactly who you are, right now - not who you might become later. Easy to apply to friends, not so easy with a lover. There is no such thing as "false" love, by nature it must me true. False is when you love your image of a person (who you want them to be) rather than who they truly are. I've had long debates with people about what I think of as the great false god of relationships: fidelity. If I love you, and you sleep with someone else, shouldn't that make me happy for you, if that's what you want? We have an infinite capacity for love (you know that's true when your rolling), Why do we insist on trying to limit ourselves and love? Anyway, I could go on and on, but I won't - this thread just inspired me. All love is good, all expressions of love are good!
God is in the Etrails.
 
Wow....that's about all I can say. I haven't read anything, let alone a bluelight thread that has touched me in this way for a long time.
Firstly...QP....thank you. I often forget that the little ramblings I type can be read my anyone and everyone. And that a lot of the people who read them, often don't reply or say anything. Your words touched me and meant a lot. Congratulations on what you have found with your partner. You've got a very exciting time ahead of you...enjoy your engagment and remember that the exciting, spine tingling moments of your relationship now are what you will reminise about in many years time. So enjoy!
Denverroller...thank you also. You know, none of us are experts at relationships. We all make mistakes. But it's these mistakes that we learn from, and if that relationship doesn't work out, at least we can realise what we may have done wrong, and make the next relationship better. Good luck with your new boy...it sounds like you have many many special moments with him to look forward to.
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Everyones stories here have just shown what is the best part of the drug we choose to take. It's about expressing true feelings, not creating false ones. Sure, there will always be those of us who meet someone for one night and yeah, that's fun at the time. But the deep and true love we can feel for another person can never be surpassed. Sure, I'm enjoying being alone, but you have all restored my hope that maybe another person will cross my path someday...a person who just 'clicks'.
Thanks everyone....peace
miss apple
 
WOW! I didn't realise there were so many bluelighters who are in couples with other bluelighters - you all keep yourselves very quiet. I know a few now, but who else is, just out of interest?
Oh, and TC - I think part of your confusion is due to the fact that these people you hook up with are always so far away. That's a guaranteed recipe to make you sit at home and go "what if.."
You tend to romanticise people when they're not there - that could lead to you thinking these girls are more important to you than they are. Not that I'm saying they're NOT right for you, but you never can tell when you can't see them for extended periods - am I making sense?
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Pillcat
 
I want to say TC your not alone!
I've known my friend and his girl for almost a year now. Everytime we hang out all I feel for both is just platonic.
But when we started going to raves and dropping E...everything change. See my friend likes to be separated with the group everytime he rolls leaving the girl with me. Well, E for me is like magic. So we will be together at the rave more than half of the time...doing everything to do having fun while rolling. Now after those episodes I kinda developed something for the girl. I know the E is responsible for everything for what happen. It just came to the point that everytime we will be at a rave, I will be looking for her companion and I think its the same thing with her. But the day after things change dramatically especially when she is back with my friend.
I know this is totally wrong but I cant really help it. So what I did was to distance myself from them..making up excuses not to go to raves because I value my friendship to them to much. Plus, i dont want the same thing to happen to me when I finally find the "right" girl..hopefully not while rolling. PEACE
 
There are obviously some very lovely and sensitive people out there searching for love and finding it.
I just wanted to say to TC - you are quite hugley NORMAL in my opinion. Very normal. I say - enjoy those feelings. Their fun. Imagine if you no longer thought of a person's smile long after they were gone. It is lovely - just plain lovely!!! I imagine when some of us have kids it will be their smiles etc that we ponder for weeks.
You know I think love is looking at someone and smiling hugely...just thinking their are great - just as they are. When tears form in your eyes at the thought of a person. When you sigh while thinking how incredibly magnificent they are and how you would live far less happily were they not part of your world. When they call and you get a lump in your chest. You smile and hope and wish only the best for them. When you hear or know they are sad (with good reason) and words cannot express how much you wish it were different for them. Love is when you see someone else and think only of them and have no room for a whisper of a thought for yourself - or your expectations. Love is great!! The best moments of life are when you are in love and when you are in love is when you are NOT there (ie you as defined by your ego). E certainly helps you get there.
I believe I love many of my friends. I love my husband also.
I wonder if sex has anything to do with love bar being one way of expressing it? Therefore I wonder if true love is about sexual relationships but more about love. True love is what many parents have for their babies - for example. However some parents anything but love their children (although they may do 'all they can' and other BS).
I think love is simply (or not so simply) as Guru Dady said. Guru Dady - your questions re love are interesting - perhaps you should do a post as perhaps others, like I, would love to discuss such philiosphical questions.
I apologise if my post lacks personal experiences etc but to me it does. I guess it may be easier for me as I am happily married - although perhaps it is not easier just different.
For those of you looking for 'that' someone I would like to say this. I thought I had met someone I liked/ loved a few times but it was never all there. However I didn't realise it wasn't all there at the time becasue I had never had it all there. When I met someone who was fantastic for me the fact that I could meet someone like that was a revelation. I had no concept of how good it could be until I met my now husband. This was because I didn't know what I didn't know - if you know what I mean. It is like people who havn't done E don't know what it is like. They just assume and of course make silly assumptions. They don't know what they don't know. mmm this sounds ridiculous so I'll give up. Perhaps someone knows what I mean and can explain it better than I.
Apologies for the length.
 
Hey Helski:
Thanks for the comments. I figured this far down the thread I was just thinking out loud. I totally agree with you about the idea that we can't know what is in store for us, because it might be something we have no conception of from our current frame of reference. In fact, if we keep growing and learning we can pretty much count on it being that way. I have a friend who was trapped in a K-hole in which he just "knew" that he had created the entire universe in his mind. He finally got out of it when he saw his microwave and realized there is no way he could have thought that up. I think the Universe is full of microwaves just waiting for us to notice. Most of us form our ideas of love and relationships in high school and never change them - that's very human, change is scary. But to truly abuse the metaphor, it leaves us making popcorn in a conventional oven - it'll work but it's so much easier with a microwave. Anyway, I do go on... I'm still very new to the whole idea of electronic talking - I've posted very few items and I still get that "if I had a party would anyone come feeling" waiting to see if there are responses. Thanks for coming to my party!
 
Thanks for the responses...Pillcat, I think you're totally right. I really don't know why I didn't think about that myself, since I've had a couple conversations along those lines over the last year, but yeah... it's a lot easier to think somebody is perfect when you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis.
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Anomalee, hmm...well that's a totally different subject altogether, but I can relate to it as well. I've always envied my friends who have significant others they can roll with, because I imagine it's a lot more powerful rolling with somebody you care about when you're NOT rolling than just hooking up with somebody while you are. And I've been in the situations where you're forced to choose between a friend and his girl, and it's not a fun one to be in. My policy is to always stick with the friend, though. Unless he like...beat her or something, but my friends don't do that.
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Helski...that's actually an interesting way of looking at it. I'm by no means in love with this girl, although I certainly felt that way when we were rolling, but I get your point. I think it was definitely worth the couple days of emptiness for those few hours of joy. Some people will never know what that's like, even if it was brought on by a drug and therefore may be less genuine than "normal" love. One of my friends brought up that that's the downside of hooking up with people on E...in a way, you fall in love and get your heart broken all in the same night (unless you end up hooking up beyond that night), and that's a lot to put yourself through in addition to how E strings you out anyway.
Okay so I'm gonna get back to work now or I'll be writing this all day.
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Lata!
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CONGRADS!!!!!!
I am happy you have fallen for a man that can treat you like a woman deserves to be treated that is a beautiful thing.
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I have a story for you too though. I have a very loving beautiful g-friend that i will soon someday marry,and i fell in love way after we had rolled together.So therefor it wasn't the drug,but now when we do use it's very calm and collective we just talk and hold each other we've only rolled three times together and it's the best three i will ever have!!! E is a powerful and beautiful drug but it is a drug and it can't make you fall in love it just makes you better aware of your surroundings. So love that man as long as you can and roll hard!!
blaze
 
This may sound really corny, but I feel that what e does for me, is remind me just how lovable we all are. It takes away any built up conditioning and cynicism that I have accumulated throughout my life, and lets me see just how bright each of our souls really do shine. I think that they always do shine, and that for what ever reason the e helps us get rid of the built up defences we have. To put it in simpler terms, it makes us love again like a child does, when they are to young to have any built up anything.
can anyone tell me what plur stands for, this is the first time I have been on this site and I have seen it a lot. Thanks
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Well i got two stories here.
The first one, I had know this girl (my current girlf) all through high school but never really talked to her that much. Then we were at the same house on nye after yr12 finished, both on e, and we talked heaps. After that night i thought about her heaps and what a great person she was(is). Anyway I didn't see her for about a month and then I went to another party. I sold her a pill here and we kinda hung out the whole night without anything that couldn't be attributed to anything but e happening. At the end of the night however she came home with me and we've been a twosome ever since. ITs been nearly 2 years now.
Story number 2:
This couple i know had been together for about a year and a half, went out one night on e, and came back engaged. Don't know what happened during the night but they are still together one year down the track.
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It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
 
Wow...Does this thread strike a resonant chord with us (me) or what...Love and E, is it real?, illusion?, does it help us to open doors that simply allows us to be more loving and to see the abundant love in the universe that is there for all of us..or does it blind us to differences? I have been asking myself these questions for days now, and being the hopeless romantic I am, I opt for the former explanation rather than the latter.
As a queer man, it's often been hard for me to distinguish between sex and love. My friends and I have a saying when we're rolling which we say as a joke/reality check
which I hope doesn't offend anyone...It's meant to aknowledge the incredible power of E, whether its the substance itself or the fact that it acts as a wonderful key to unlock love and empathy: "I love you little, Adolph"
A friend of mine coined it years ago during his 2nd Xperience when he said that he felt so loving that he could be in a room with that evil little shit of the holocaust and could still feel loving feelings of forgiveness towards him...powerful? you bet..But when the E wore off all he (and we) could feel towards such an evil creature was repugnance and horror...I wish I had it in me to forgive and forget as Mother Love says, but in such an extreme case it is very easy to distinguish between reality and illusion...In other not so extreme cases, it may be more difficult to make that distinction....
I'm rambling, but what I guess I'm trying to say is that I've had a few E induced experiences that seemed very real during the moment, but didn't survive for very long post E...However, I agree with GuruDaddy and others...E showed and shows me that we have am amazing capacity to love and for that I'm very very grateful. It dosn't invalidate the feelings, regardless of the person they were directed to, and longevity shouldn't necessarily be used as the ruler by which me measure the validity or value of expressions of love.
I had a 14 year relationship with one man that for many years was open for many years and acknowledged our infinite capacity to love...It ended 2 years ago because we changed and along the way lost our ability to love each other for who we actually were instead of who we wanted each other to be....once we let go of those things we were free to love again, but this time as great friends with fewer expectations.
Two weeks ago, I saw someone across a dancefloor that I was incredibly attracted to, not just physically but in other ways..i sensed that there was something special here and that we were meant to know each other; I knew he was attracted to me too but I was too shy to approach as i thought he might have been with a boyfriend at the time. All week long, I was kicking myself in the head for not having the nerve to go up and say hello and I wondered if we would ever meet.
Well to make a long story short, we met last Friday night (he was Xing, i wasn't), he came up to me and said "You and I are meant to be in each other's lives ( talk about a great pickup line..lol)"
I insisted we not spend the night together right away, but his logic won out (wouldn;t it be great to just cuddle? - no sex)...Well we spent four days together and have already made plans again for this weekend...
We both acknowldged the tremendous power of E to create bonds of love and empathy, and have agreed to try to not move at an accerated pace so a strong foundation is there for whatever follows, whethere it is "just" a good loving friendship or more...All i know is that E helped me to truly see beyond the physical and to catch a glimpse of this man's soul...and in the process, to see my own.
All we have in the end is love. I now know how to say I love you in a 5th language not my own.
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Sometimes we can see the Light
In the strangest of pLaces
If we look at it right....
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Denver-
Quick lesson on E
E causes your brain cells to produce and release more seratonin (spelling??). So what is seratonin. It is the chemical that your brain cells release naturally when you fall in love, or while your petting a cute little puppy, or after somebody pays you a really nice compliment, or if you've accomplished a task you didn't think you could. While on E you "fall in love" with everything, to a point, because of all the seratonin thats flowing.
But this shouldn't burst your bubble. If you and you boyfriend were in love with eachother before the E than it will only help make that love stronger (and it will last). If you guys are compatible and you like eachother then it will work out and it will last.
I have a friend how has just fallin in love because of E and I don't think it's going to last. Him and his girlfriend are from two diferent sides of the planet and I don't see how they would've even liked eachother if it wern't for the E.
Good Luck with your new love! Hope I could help.
_-PLUR-_
 
Because I am in psychology and have an insatiable curiosity I have studied everything out there on e. I am very aware of what it does to your brain. However, I go back to what I said - I was in love with him before we rolled together - e just allowed me to let go and say it to him. I would definetly be wary of love the "develops" on e. My boyfriend was out here this whole weekend and I fall in love with him a little more every day - without the e. In my old relationship I tried to be the person my partner wanted me to be and vice versa. That will never work. What works in my relationship now is that we just take everything as it comes and accept each other for who we are. I feel more for him in the short time we have been together than I ever felt in 6 yrs with my old boyfriend. Anyway, I just wanted to write about him again since he went back to St. Louis yesterday and I am really missing him. Love to all!
 
i just wanted to share my little take on the whole subject... i know when i am on e, i do love everyone, and i think everyone loves me, while they are probably just laughing at me as i coo like a silly little girl even though i am definitely a non-silly guy. and the whole love thing REALLY came out a couple of weeks ago....
a couple of weeks ago, i talked to my friend molly about being engaged. i told her i wanted to be engaged just to see what it felt like. she told me i was a screwball, but i kept the idea in my head. then on october 23rd, i went to Back to the Basic in Cincinnati with my best friend and my gurl. my gurl and i were both rolling VERY hard and i brought up my conversation with molly. i ended up asking Kj to marry me. in the morning i greatly debated the decision i had made, but i decided that the love produced by the e had helped me open myself up and be completely truthful to her and myself. so it's all good now!
time to go talk to Kj!
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=== everything you swore would never change is different now ===
 
I agree with the fact that E enhances the emotions that you feel for that significant other, but it doesn't make you think you feel things that you don't actually.
The release of the extra serotonin in your brain makes you feel happy and in love with not only that certain person, but with everybody. This feeling is something that you have always felt and is only heightened by the use of e.
Most importantly, E gives you the courage to do and say the things that you have always been afraid to say. These are things that you otherwise would not have done/said when you are sober. These feelings are not false, they are just in a way hidden, and E gives you that spur-of-the-moment courage to say/do it.
If the above isn't clear then take this example: my sister, who has a boyfriend, has a buddy from work who's been secretly in love with her since they've met. She was too, but unfortunately, they both never got the courage to tell each other. It was one night when we all went to a party in toronto that he finally got the courage and told her. This was more than 5 months ago...my sis is still with her boyfriend b/c she truly loves him, but the other guy from her work is still in love with her and he's willing to wait for her. Just a story to point out that that "in-love" feeling you get when ur on E is not false! E is a wonderful and magical drugs that allows you to be emotional and to express your TRUE feelings.
Good Luck!
*A~n*G~e*L~
 
Oh one more thing. Sorry, I just thought that I would share my own personal experience. I have a boyfriend of 4 years and I love him with all my heart. We've been together for more than 2 years before we actually went to parties and rolling. I'm the type of person that doesn't have the ability to express her feelings properly. Everything's just basically all bubbled up inside, mostly the love I feel for my significant other. I don't know why this is such a problem for me, but what I noticed is that when I roll, I come up with the courage to tell him just how much he means to me. I tell him all these silly things that you say to that person you love when you're in love.
One day, he'd broken up with me, obviously cuz I was being this stubborn little girl. I didn't see myself as being wrong, and I still don't. I was gonna just tell him to f*!k off, but I saw him at a party and my heart just *melted*. I grabbed him and I just told him that I wasn't gonna let him walk away from me. Then we just shared this beautiful kiss.
My whole point is, if I was sober that night, I probably wouldn't have been able to put aside my hard-headedness and swallow my pride. Love is beautiful, E makes it even more so.
PLUR
 
I too have been bitten by the e-love bug. And naturally it is with the man that introduced me to e and the rave scene. It all started about 6 months ago... I was at a club when I hooked up with this guy and he kept runnin his mouth about e this, party that, k,k,k, ...yap,yap,yap. Meanwhile all I kept thinking was that e was way overpriced acid. But after a couple months of his constant yappin, I got really curious and decided to try it. So we dropped one night in his backyard, I never felt so incredible in my life, and yes ... an overwhelming feeling of love I had never experienced before. After a while the e (and k) wore off... but the feeling of love didn't fade quite as fast. By the time he took me to my first party, and I dropped again, I knew I loved him. Not so much "in love", but a "thank you so f*cking much" love that I will never forget. He changed my life so profoundly I can't help but feel anything less than love for him. And even though we are both moving on, I am a better, happier, person having met him. He will always have my love & friendship, and I still thank him every time I roll...
 
i've been there too, actually i stil am there. i didn't fall in love with my b/f on an e but we do take it together all the time.We had both done e before we met(3 yrs ago. He was this old school hardcore raver and a bit of a bad boy & i think that is what attracted me to him. When i first started pilling with him it was strange. He went into his own little world and wouldn't let me in so i always kind of avoided him when we were at parties. Him in his world & me in mine.
That all changed one night at Sublime (about 2 yrs ago). We brought a mitsibishi each off some guy and he gave us one for free (these were the really intense mitsibishi's). We had one each, i was dancing then bang i was Eing off my dial. I walked to the chillout room and looked at him and from that moment everything changed. He let me into his world and we havn't looked back since.That night i realised how much i loved him and how much we were meant to be together. It's not like those feelings aren't there when we are straight. They are!! It's just that when we pill together we are in our own world, it's like there is no one else but us two. It's unreal, i can't describe it.
Sorry for rambling on but once i started i couldn't stop. (hey i am still pretty trashed from the party i went to last night!!!!)
 
One more thing. Angel i am exactly the same. I have a great problem expressing my feelings to my b/f. I keep it all inside of me but when i have a pill it's like i can share anything in the world with him. I hate it though i wish i could just tell him what i'm feeling all the time (i have improved alot though).
 
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