Fucking up so bad

[abracadabra girl]

I could have posted this in SLR but I need a more supportive environment right now. I am in a bad relationship. Probably a little emotionally abusive but more cold than anything else. I know I should leave but I just can't. It was so good at first and I can't give up hope that it will be good again. But it was good for 6 months and now it's been bad for over 2 years. I know things aren't going to change but I can't face it. So I try to just be quiet and live my life but every so often I just can't control my emotions anymore. So like tonight I told him how lonely I feel and how I really want things to get better. But it never gets better.

 

[TheLostBoys]

If you're in a relationship & you're lonely, obviously there is something wrong with the picture. Maybe he has lost inteerest in you & if thats teh case, you need to leave him a.s.a.p. These types of relationships are a cycle like a revolving door. If he is ignoring & shutting you out, it is very unhealthy for you to continue in this situation.

 

[MindOverMethadone]

Time heals all wounds. Once you've fallen into the flytrap of love, it's hard to get out. I don't know the situation personally, but based on what you've posted, 6 months out of 28 isn't a good ratio... I've also learned that once you've decided to end it, you have to cut off all ties. No random texts or phone calls telling him/her how much you miss them, etc.

 

[User Name Here]

Relationships are like stepping stones. You go from one to another and learn from each one. If things haven't improved in two years, they probably won't turn around all of a sudden and it's time to move on. Do yourself this favor and know that there's nothing to feel bad about because you've learned from this experience. I'm going to assume you're young so if anything think of it like this: life is too short to spend years feeling lonely so move forward and find something that fills you.

If you sit around, nothing will change. Don't let that happen!

 

[Scheduled]

Relationships are like stepping stones. You go from one to another and learn from each one. If things haven't improved in two years, they probably won't turn around all of a sudden and it's time to move on. Do yourself this favor and know that there's nothing to feel bad about because you've learned from this experience. I'm going to assume you're young so if anything think of it like this: life is too short to spend years feeling lonely so move forward and find something that fills you.

If you sit around, nothing will change. Don't let that happen!

thanks for your insight. I definitely agree. If you are not happy in a relationship move on as fast as you can. It will take a lot of time to get over ANY serious relationship, but there is much more to love than intimate relationships with significant others. Maybe you should just focus on your familial relations and any other important interpersonal relationships you have, i.e. best friends, etc,.

 

[Coolio]

It took me over a year to recover from staying in the bad relationship I was in. I would have random bouts of crying during stressful situations even after achieving freedom. When I was still in the relationship, over the course of the last year or year and a half of it, my normal every day facial expressions went from blissful to revolving around a permafrown etched into my mouth.

 

[abracadabra girl]

Yeah, that's me. There is serious damage. Hopefully not permanent.

 

[TheLostBoys]

It took me over a year to recover from staying in the bad relationship I was in. I would have random bouts of crying during stressful situations even after achieving freedom. When I was still in the relationship, over the course of the last year or year and a half of it, my normal every day facial expressions went from blissful to revolving around a permafrown etched into my mouth.

My facial expressions changed from always smiling to upsetting & pissed at the world after a good friend of mine died.

 

[jctoona84]

It sounds like you need to make some hard decisions. If it hasn't changed yet, then it won't. The initial 6 months were the "honeymoon" stage, it never lasts. Real relationships aren't just the lustfull 1st stage honeymoon feelings, but a much longer burning ,committed type of love.

 

[nfacion]

I totall y understand where your coming from. I was in a 15yr emotionally and physically abusive marriage. When I first got together with him he was wonderful he was loving, fun, and cared about my feelings. As time went on things changed he became verbally abusive at first but i kept staying because I loved him and thought it would change if we went to counsling. Then more time went by and he was not only verbally and emtionally abusive he became physically abusive. By this time we had 2 kids and 9 yrs of marriage. I kept staying with him even though I I was hurt and lonely. First I thought it was me so I changed everything he said that upset him but he still continued to act the same. By this time I was so lonely and hurt plus had so much stress I was on so much xanax it could knock out a horse. To me at that time it was worth it because I loved him and we had a family. After 13 yrs I was so medicated I was totally numb, I also started looking inward and started realizing things. I realized that all this time I keep hoping things would change (which they didnt) and changing myself was because I was in love with the man I first met and was living in the past and I was in love with past. He wasnt that man anymore and hadnt been since the first 2 yrs and i was holding on to a idea of a good relationship not with what i had. I had to realize that i could not change him and the relationship I worked so hard to have would never be there. Once I realized i was in love with an idea of a man and relationship not the man i married and the relationship I had I filed for divorce. After the divorce was over and remarried years later I have never been happier. Basically what im saying is dont hold on to idea of a relationship and idea of yourboyfriend. If it hasnt changed now it wont ever change. Please take my advice and move on now life is to short and you deserve to be happy. Love starts with loving yourself and not settling.You deserve to be happy and from what it sounds like your not very happy. He wont change and it will prob. only get worse if you have told him how you feel and he still hasnt done anything. Just remember you cannot rely on anyone else to make you happy only youself and when you find that person that makes you feel good it will only add to you OWN happiness...Good Luck!

 

[C8H10N4O2]

Yeah, that's me. There is serious damage. Hopefully not permanent.

It won't be permanent, but you need to get out first. You should think about exactly what is keeping you from leaving right now. Pinpointing each roadblock and rationalizing how to get through them will help you make the big step. You already know the relationship isn't good, so you've got to let yourself do the right thing, and not let your emotions keep pulling you back to false hope.

Even if the relationship isn't totally awful all the time, if it's anything but good or great, it's bad! It's not worth it, and you can do better with someone whose personality and needs better match yours. I'm willing to bet you have it in you to make the change. Just do it girl ***hugs***

 

[IntoxicatedDMMKM]

I've never been in a relationship longer than a week and I'm well into my late 20s, I really don't see what's so hard about leaving and being alone awhile.

Believe me, If I can do it, you can do it.

 

[ControlDenied]

nfacion im glad to read you did what a lot of women in those situations have so much trouble doing - ditching the motherfucker! good luck and i hope you remarry sometime, but successfully.

i have a lot of trouble with love myself, because as a guy, i have greater than normal tension, fear and tend to lash out [history of men abusing men in my family; but never women luckily!]. i can be pretty verbally abusive so im afraid someday, after being married to a specific woman for a long time, i could get out of hand. im confident right now that i would never be like that, but considering how much life seems to harden and confuse me over time, its actually stopping me from dating - the fear of being abusive.