Fucking Tramadol.

It may just be my epitaph...

Sitting here after eating 100mg of Tramadol, because I don't have any money to get real drugs. I can't even afford dirt weed. I have a job interview on Thursday so hopefully that will go well.

I hate this endless cycle of on-off-on-off but it's mainly a money issue. Well, it's definitely a money issue. Possibly a source issue but I haven't looked into that yet and anyway it would piss me off if I had money but no source. Fuck.

I'm only half watching A Clockwork Orange and listening to my girlfriend and dogs sleep. I have class tomorrow but probably won't sleep until much later. I miss smoking every day but breathing easily is also nice.

My blistered tongue is going away. Almost gone. The only remnants from my oxymorphone. Fucking suboxone as well. It quiets the beast and I guess that's all I can really ask for. I need a legit script for it but it's another rabbit hole I don't want to travel down. Short acting opiates. Sucky but tolerable withdrawals.

Whatever.

 

that is similar to when I take tramadol. when I can't get better. for what it is, I actually enjoy the buzz. just takes forever to kick in but once it does its a reg opiate to me.

 

Tramadol is a terrible substance. It is bad enough having to go through opiate/opioid withdrawals but when you combine them with heavy SSRI activity? Moreover it is akin to nabulphine and butorphanol in that they only ofer full psychoactivity to a percentage of users (women tend to obtain greater benefit). Subjectively, it is available over the counter here. I have a mayonaisse jar full of the 50mg capsules as well as a significant amount of its main psychoactive metabolite in bulk powder (54 grammes) which is now being sold as a research chemical. I find both as appealing as puddle water. However, as I said, otherds do find that it offers them opiate/opioid psychoactivity, too bad I'm not one of them.

As for having money and no connections...I moved to the US in 1993/1994 and found myself in Tampa, Florida. Until 1995 there was literally no heroin on the street. I would have to fly up to New York City on Friday or Saturday mornings (every two to four weeks), buy a couple of bricks (10 grammes each of street heroin in 100 glassine envelopes) and fly back late that same afternoon. Of course I always ran out in between flights and so it was that same aggravated feeling.

Then, in mid-1995 Colombian heroin began flooding Orlando by way of Puerto Rico thanks to the DOJ's Witness Protection Program [sic] that very stupidly placed the vast majority of Puerto Rican protected witnesses in the Orlando/Kissimee area. All of a sudden Tampa had a small street scene. Prices were three times what they should be but when I factored in airfare - in the dats before discount fares from NYC to Fl. And travel risk and incidental expences it was fine by me. The problem though was that there were only four connections in the whole city (Tampa is a very small place relatively speaking and if you are in the game you will know everyone else who is). Many days I had 6 or 7,000 US and couldn't find shit in terms of wholesale. Other times I would be tripping over "fingers," the 10 gramme rocks pressed into cylinders for bodypackers. That is just how the game is in many places.